Glazer: Read His Lips; Scribe Says No More Oil Wars

Have you heard what I have?

That this latest oil crisis may cause a war between the United States and the Middle East. With Iran.

Not this again.

Yep, now that the wars with the other countries over there are winding down, here comes the next one.

Why not? Gas is gonna go to five bucks – maybe even six – let’s declare war! Remember when the gas wars in this country were between stations trying to see who could sell for the lowest price?

Look, we have no real serious enemies here.

And nobody – and I mean nobody – wants to tangle with the United States military. We’re the ones who like to push our weight around when it’s to our advantage. No, you say? Wrong. Our government controls our media when it comes to things like this and no nation can match us for military might. Not even close.

Not since Rome has one country dominated like ours and I’m glad we do.

We are a warlike nation and always have been. What did the Indians do to us that we had to destroy them?

THEY GOT IN OUR WAY…that’s all.

Boy, that was a fair fight, huh? How about the Mexican wars…REMEMBER THE ALAMO?

We just wanted Texas and California so we kinda took them. Same for Florida. I know we paid a couple bucks here and there, but we wiped out the locals – usually Indians or Mexicans – no problem.

Now we have three ways to use our weapons and only inflict small death tolls. We do this a lot anymore and some innocent people get killed for, you know, for THE GREATER GOOD.

My favorite line is, "My son died for your freedom in Vietnam."

I’m sad to say, but no he didn’t. He died for our economy and power push, nothing else.

Oh yeah, the North Vietnamese were on the verge of attacking the U.S., just like in North Korea. Please. Nobody wants to attack us anymore, just ask Russia.

It’s as simple as this; the United States rules – totally – we call the ball.

Look, gas is going to be $4.50 or higher at some point this summer. And then in the fall/winter it will go back to $3.25 and you won’t hear about an "oil crisis." Then next year we’ll push $5 a gallon. They’re simply getting us ready for the continued hikes but there is plenty of oil out there.

Hey, cigarettes used to be $3 a pack in 2005, now they’re $7 and up. This kinda stuff just happens.

I know oil prices affect many other prices and it’s a shame we all suffer. Want to end it? Send Israel in for two days, then they can take 20% of the oil and we’ll take 70% and give Russia and China a taste.


But, no…we have to do it our way, long and hard. And in the end it’s great to be the king and the king is America.

I’m glad we’re on the championship team.
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7 Responses to Glazer: Read His Lips; Scribe Says No More Oil Wars

  1. Jim says:

    On Target
    Craig, I usually think you are full of shit and yourself, but in this case you’re right on target. Anyone who doesn’t believe what you say should read a bit about Operation Northwoods, Bay of Pigs, the Gulf of Tonkin incident and many more that have happened since. We raise our kids to think that dying for their country is a noble deed, then put our testosterone-filled boys through a meatgrinder to support foreign dictators and domestic defense contractors. Washington warned against foreign entanglements and Eisenhower against the growing military industrial complex. More people should study this so they understand why. I was raised on John Wayne and every other war movie out there. I thought that a noble death in battle was the greatest thing to hope for (sound familiar?). For some reason, God kept me alive long enough to understand the idiocy of that belief. Now, I’m raising my sons to not be foolish pawns in the games of others. National defense means exactly that – defense. Not dicking around in 132 foreign countries for ignorant, convoluted purposes that even those who are doing it can’t understand. I now live my life with a simple philosopy: attack me and I’ll deal with you. Leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone. The U.S. should do the same.

  2. Ricky says:

    No way dude
    You’re saying that the US might go to war out of purely economic interests? Damn man. You just blew my mind…

    “Have you heard what I have?” What a joke.

  3. ranger danger says:

    Craig the Goose
    You may know something about comedy, I’m not even sure about that though. It’s a lead pipe cinch you have no foggy idea about what big oil is all about. You have the prez pushing the Volt which has now been labeled a fire-bomb. He’s deep in bed with oil, and your actually thought Bush was the oil man.

    The current guy has taken millions and millions from the oil giants and he’s bowing gracefully to them right now while the average driver is paying double for fuel, and almost 50% more for other needed items like groceries and utilities.

    Give us four more years of these “good times” and we’ll be lucky to be compared to Greece or Botzwana. We’ll be living in mud huts and scraping the bare ground for some roots to boil.

  4. paulwilsonkc says:

    And Ranger…..
    no one talks about the elephant in the room. If we convert everyone to electric cars, think of allllllll the coal fired electric plants we are going to have to build to support the charging stations!! Now thats some funny stuff.

  5. Orphan of the Road says:

    All the materials which will be raped from the Earth to make the batteries especially the new materials which are far from ready-for-prime-time use.

    We are awash in natural gas, manufacturers are producing vehicles which will run it now. Fueling is not widely available but fleets use them.

    ranger danger, look at history. The oil industry has always supported the winner. Even Faux News reported how it was impossible for the President to control the price of gas. Of course then it was President Bush but the truth is the truth.

    Paul, if we take Glazer’s advice and listen to the hawks, turn the Middle East into glass and take the oil, why not just turn that nuke into power for the electric cars. QED

  6. Jeffrey Heavin says:

    A: The Indians were wiped out because they made war with the whites and the whites were more cunning and more numerous. B: The War in Vietnam was a war against Communism. Communism = Slavery. C: If The United States goes to war with Iran it will be for one simple reason–because Israel and it’s much too powerful lobby, AIPAC have convinced our elected officials that it’s a great idea. Only Israel benefits from a continued U.S. presence in the Middle East and only Israel would benefit from a war with Iran. The oil companies will simply exploit the situation and ” sop up the gravy”.

  7. mike says:

    People seem to be forgetting that the war in Afghanistan was because of 911. We don’t get any oil from there. We actually import more oil from Canada than anywhere else.

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