People have been getting take out food for hundreds of years, or something like that…
Whether they stabbed it, shot it, found it or called in to their favorite restaurant. Today we pick it up and drive it home, instead of hauling it home on our shoulders to the cave that we used to dine in. Thank you evolution.
Unfortunately evolution hasn’t helped with the gratuity issue.
The absolute rule is, don’t mess with anybody that handles your food or drinks.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve NEVER messed with anybody’s food because of a tip or their crappy personality that made me cringe to even look at them. Except maybe one rude dude who called in a pizza at 10:58 pm. and we closed at 11:00pm. I was 16 then, tired and impressionable – sorry, douche.
Now here’s what I do when it comes to tipping on to-go food.
If I call an establishment and just pick it up, I leave a 10% tip at the very least.
Because really, what did that person do for me besides hand me a bag and take my money? Maybe they did take time out of their busy day to answer the phone before my Droid died from Angry Birds, so 10 percent’s good.
Even when I go to Sonic to troll for high school girls, I tip the hotties at least 10 percent. You know, because they brought it to my car on roller skates and didn’t fall and bite the curb like in American History X. Job skills!
Now, if I come come in, sit at your bar, take up space and bend your ear to order, I’ll tip 15-25 percent.
Maybe more if you offer me a soda while I wait. But don’t ask me if I’d like a soda, then charge me $2.69 for a Diet Coke. When the heck did the price of soda mirror the rise of gold and silver? Does that Diet Coke have panda semen in it?
Maybe I’m getting old, but I remember a time not too long ago when a soda costing NOTHING.
Because it was a great distraction to a guest while they waited for their take out food. So if you get charged for the soda,, I say leave a 10% tip. Unless of course you can talk the bartender into putting Franklin and Bash on one of the TVs near you.
Your tip should not just reflect the service but how they leave you equipped.
For example, how many times have you gone through a drive-through for fast food (no names) and got home feeling like you just got fucked by Joe Pesci? Always check your bag for the correct utensils and condiments. There’s no shame in saying, “Can I get a extra side of Ranch?” That shit is like crack or gold at some places.
Some people mainline the blue cheese from Coach’s straight into their veins.
Seriously, I get take out enough to know; if you don’t tip the person handling your food, you might not want to go back. Let me rephrase that, you shouldn’t go back.
Every review I have done to date on to go food has a lot to do with the service. Sometimes getting great service is KEY. And sometimes it’s like I just asked Jessica Simpson to spell something like “THE” and I get a blank look from the staff. I’m used to that too.
I’ve had great service before and tipped over 20 percent. Then when I got home the food was so bad that my ass jumped the gun and pooped as a preemptive strike. I’ve also been three sheets to the wind, drunk out of my mind, got to go food, and tipped 40 percent on my whole tab.
You know, $75.00 for booze and $14.00 for to go food. And I can still remember every delicious, palate-pleasing, made me want to be a better person bite. One great example is the scallops appetizer from Carmen’s Cafe. That appetizer made me want to add Casey Anthony as a Facebook friend.
In other words, just be sure to tip.