Today: Guido Toledo on New CD, Jardine’s & What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You

This just in from KC expat Joe “Guido Toledo” Welsh in Nashville…

The former 4 Sknns front man sends his wishes for a Happy New Year to all and wants to let devotees know that his band has a new jazz/rock fusion album out that’s also available on iTunes under Joe Guido Welsh.

"Think 1974," Guido says. "It features some heavy hitters – three original members (Roger Powell, Kevin Ellman & John Siegler) of Todd Rundgren‘s Utopia on it, along with Reeves Gabrels from David Bowie‘s band Tin Machine and some of Nashville’s finest. It hits radio this month and we’re hoping to tour Europe by the Fall of 2012."

Here’s the lineup:

"The live band is HOT with: Yours truly on guitar, Jim Riley on drums (Rascal Flatts), John Siegler on bass (Utopia/Hall & Oates), Steve King on keys (Keith Urban), Chris Rodriguez on guitar (Keith Urban/Faith Hill),
and Randy Leago on sax, keys & percussion (Shelby Lynne). We’ll have a DVD out by Feb. 1 on Amazon.com and we hope to get to KC this year. Maybe another 4 Sknns reunion – we’ll see."

Which brings us to Guido’s dark side…

"I will do my 20th year for Wal Mart this year," he says. "Go figure!"

Not that the G Man hasn’t been keeping up on KC via KCC.

"I’ve been following the Jardine’s drama," he says. "The sad thing is how it has hurt some of my best friends who rely on the club for a gig. Hope they figure it out soon."

Guido also went to the trouble of passing along one of those year end style lists by John Peck via Guido’s one his favorite bloggers, Timothy McSweeney:

"What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You.
– – – –

The Doors: You have been bitten by an animal while trying to get it stoned.

The Who: You own a Goldwing with a baby-changing station.

Ted Nugent: Your hair has at some point been caught in a ceiling fan, boat propeller, or lathe.

The Rolling Stones: You own three cars and no stereo.

Canned Heat: You own three stereos and no car.

The Beatles: You can do exactly 1.5 pull-ups.

Badfinger: You are a Beatle.

Deep Purple: Some part of a law named after a young girl applies to you.

Led Zeppelin: The first three things you smoked were banana peels, catnip, and poppies, in that order.

Jimi Hendrix: You are under 20 or over 65.

The Kinks: You have bad teeth and are good in bed.

The Guess Who: You have good teeth and are bad in bed.

Black Sabbath: Your greatest joy is painting unventilated rooms.

David Bowie: There is still, somewhere, a Dig Dug or Zaxxon machine with your high score on it.

Mott the Hoople: You are David Bowie.

The Moody Blues: You are a former volunteer at the Liberace museum, a serial killer, or both.

The Grateful Dead: Your stories about the seventies make your daughter’s roommates at Tufts very uncomfortable.

T-Rex: No matter how much you clean, there will always be trace amounts of glitter on your stove and blender.

The Eagles: You can only reach orgasm while listening to talk radio.

Pink Floyd: Your garage is full of failed versions of your stereo/barbecue hybrid.

Thin Lizzy: You are often forced to change or cancel your plans due to NO LOITERING signs.

ZZ Top: Your favorite Hank Williams is Hank Williams, Jr.

Chicago: You are incapable of talking about Chicago without mentioning their horn section.

Quicksilver Messenger Service: You become sullen when people don’t stick around while you fix their vacuum cleaners.

Crosby, Stills & Nash: You own an oversized hat.

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: You own three or more oversized hats.

Jefferson Airplane: You make your living buying and selling oversized hats.

AC/DC: You only remove your socks to shower, and then only reluctantly.

Aerosmith: You know a store that still sells puffy Reeboks.

Van Halen: You have a Peeing Calvin bumper sticker on your Jeep.

Sammy Hagar: You have a Peeing Calvin bumper sticker on your Subaru Brat.

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: You have an actual urine stain on your Subaru Brat.

Uriah Heep: You are the cause of the urine stain.

Santana: You have had an hours-long conversation with someone before realizing it was just a pile of clothes.

Rainbow: You have worn sweatpants to a funeral.

Foreigner: You have a severely wrinkled Jane Fonda poster under your bed.

Styx: You have a severely wrinkled Foreigner poster under your bed.

Allman Brothers Band: You do not own a bong, but can quickly make one from a piece of fruit or an abandoned toilet.

Bad Company: You have sustained several alcohol-related injuries involving sheetrock.

Cream: You know a guy who knows a guy who worked on Star Wars.

Journey: You own those running shoes that are shaped like feet.

Lynyrd Skynyrd: You somehow have both long hair and a sunburned scalp.

Yes: Your ideal partner would be into both tantric sex and fat guys.

Creedence Clearwater Revival: You are frequently missing part of an eyebrow.

Rush: You carry a small flashlight everywhere, and use it at least three times a day.

Blue Cheer: You have a subset of friends whose sole purpose is to hold your hair while you vomit.

Boston: Your best friend really likes Blue Cheer.

Steely Dan: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of Remembrance of Things Past.

Fleetwood Mac: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of The Hobbit.

Blue Oyster Cult: You have snorted cocaine off a copy of Type 2 Diabetes for Dummies.

Mountain: You have snorted cocaine off a Blue Oyster Cult record.

Nazareth: You have snorted cocaine off a member of Mountain.

Hawkwind: You sell cocaine to Nazareth fans.

Molly Hatchet: You sell baking soda to Hawkwind fans and tell them it’s cocaine.

Jethro Tull: You have a favorite rune.

Kiss: You have partied on a boat in a driveway.

Queen: You have injured several people by jogging into them.

The Byrds: There is a thin layer of sand on the bottom shelf of your fridge.

Bob Dylan: You have the Swiss army knife that comes with a map reader and tweezers.

Electric Light Orchestra:You have three lava lamp bases and five tops.

Mike Oldfield: You have five lava lamp bases and three tops.

The Beach Boys: You won’t live anywhere without a built-in microwave.

The Band: You have misspelled your name while carving it into a picnic table.

Genesis: You know what a steeplechase is.

The Zombies: You know what French cuffs are.

The Doobie Brothers: You have swallowed exactly two spiders—one accidentally, one on purpose.

Warren Zevon: You have a jacket with elbow patches.

.38 Special: You have a tattoo of an animal driving a vehicle.

Bob Seger: You lost your virginity in a Chevette with a spoiler.

The Georgia Satellites: You lost your virginity in a Chevette that was being towed.

REO Speedwagon: You have a favorite brand of lip balm.

Bay City Rollers: Your shower has flower-shaped traction pads.

Bruce Springsteen: Your ringtone is either “Takin’ Care of Business” or “Chariots of Fire.”

UFO: You have burned yourself while urinating on a campfire.

Slade: You have smoked speed through a TV antenna.

Procol Harum: You have smoked hash through an antique rifle.

Heart: You have smoked chamomile tea through a hookah.

Alice Cooper: You have a photo of your dog wearing sunglasses on your phone.

Foghat: You swim in man-made lakes exclusively.

Stevie Ray Vaughan: You have a bolo tie in the shape of a gun, guitar, or state.

Stealer’s Wheel: You own an adding machine.

Traffic: You have several incense scars.

Emerson, Lake and Palmer: You have several self-inflicted incense scars.

Jackson Browne: Your favorite cola is RC Cola.

Hall and Oates: You have successfully fought someone off with a ski.

Blind Faith: You constantly misuse the word “penultimate.”

Billy Squier: Your vanity plates say ROKRMOM.

Neil Young: You know at least three stores that sell bidis.

America: You think America is Neil Young.

Joni Mitchell: You have accidentally eaten more than half of a scented candle.

Montrose: You have used a bandana as a coffee filter.

Steppenwolf: You have three or more cigarette burns in hard-to-reach places.

Golden Earring: You have three or more intentional cigarillo burns.

Jimmy Buffett: You have used AAA as a cab.

Brownsville Station: You have tried to use AAA without a car.

Meat Loaf: You have a mustard stain on your mousepad.

Joe Walsh: You have fired a gun while in your underwear.

Don Henley: You have been shot at while in your underwear.

Bread: You have a cordless phone with an extendable antenna.

Donovan: You have a non-mammal pet with a human name, e.g. an iguana named Phillip.

Joe Jackson: You are an excellent speller.

Steve Miller Band: You have not yet figured out how to turn off the hourly beep on your digital watch.

Grand Funk Railroad: You have become stuck trying to retrieve a quarter from behind a stove.

Blood, Sweat & Tears: You have become stuck trying to retrieve your friend who likes Grand Funk Railroad from behind a stove.

Little River Band: You have used a riding lawnmower to flee across state lines.

Big Brother and the Holding Company: Your coffee table is a big wooden spool.

Alabama: You are from Alabama.

Kansas: Your first kiss was with a Toto fan.

Toto: You don’t really remember your first kiss.

MC5: You have barbecued a whole chicken at 3 am.

Ozzy Osbourne: You have barbecued a frozen pizza at 3 am.

Dio: You have accidentally dropped a flashlight into a barbecue.

King Crimson: You have spent an entire afternoon watching a screensaver.

Eric Clapton: You yell when you play table tennis.

Marshall Tucker Band: You wear black socks with white shoes.

Little Feat: You have hit a baby with a frisbee.

Buffalo Springfield: You have broken a reinforced window with a frisbee.

Blackfoot: You have stolen a wine cooler from the back of a pickup truck.

New Riders of the Purple Sage: You have been bitten by a Blackfoot fan while trying to get your wine cooler back."

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8 Responses to Today: Guido Toledo on New CD, Jardine’s & What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You

  1. Chops says:

    update
    Hearne,
    Please give us an update on what has happened regarding Jardines since you posted this article

  2. smartman says:

    Ouch!
    You managed to inflict a years worth of Urich-esque intellectual torture in one post and that was before the favorite bands list.

  3. paulwilsonkc says:

    Smartman, you’re a smart man, do what I did
    I simply printed the article, took a highlighter and divided it into 5 equal or roughly equal sections which I will tackle at my leisure, each day, until I get through it. No thanks needed, thats why I’m here.

    (whats 3+2 so I can post this?)

  4. Chops says:

    Come on man…… we need a Jardines update…. what is going on there?

  5. chuck says:

    Funny stuff 🙂
    4 Skins —great band.

    🙂

  6. Gerald Bostock says:

    More copy, less filling
    Hearne,

    Of all the lists, that was certainly one of them.

    Since you’re in a cut-and-paste mood and I missed Mass on Sunday, could you please reprint the Visitation bulletin?

  7. Hearne Christopher says:

    I give up, what? A loser attack?

  8. Hearne Christopher says:

    Only after you email me and set up a confession

Comments are closed.