Hearne: The Off Kilter, Last Minute Christmas Gifts Giver’s Guide

 

It’s gonna be hard to top Brandon Leftridge‘s tongue-in-cheek, holiday gift suggestion of a totally real Opossum

Or Jack Poessiger‘s dream holiday meal of a "crisp" Christmas Goose. But I’ll try. Shouldn’t be too hard to make it a little easier on the gift givers as well as the recipients.

 

 

Let’s start with the $12.50, handmade, pewter Atahualpa bottle stopper at Hobb’s in Lawrence.

"You know who this guy is?" asks Hobb’s owner Mark Swanson. "He was the last Inca emperor."

Who doesn’t need something like that to jam into their favorite bottle of Mezcal?

Looking for something at a higher price point? Not a problem.

For a mere $56.50 Hobbs will sell you a lovely set of six Whisky Stones and a pair of hip-looking glasses to put them in. Sound bogus? Hold on.

"You get the whiskey rocks really cold and then you put them in your drink and they make it colder without dilluting the whisky like ice," Swanson explains. "This is a cool deal for a whiskey drinker."

Lest you assume that any old backyard rocks will do, Whiskey Stones are "soapstone cubes" designed by Andrew Hellman, a big fan of single malt scotch. Hellman found that natural soapstone chills drinks owing to "its unique ability to retain temperature for extended periods of time" without scratching the glass. The stones are milled in Perkinsville, Vermont by the oldest soapstone workshop in the United States.

Let’s move on to an old boyhood favorite, Space Food Sticks. They sell for $3 each at Urban Outfitters.

Space Food Sticks were a snack first sold in the late 1960s by Pillsbury. Think of them as the gummy forefathers of today’s granola bars. And they were the first solid food eaten by a NASA astronaut – Scott Carpenter to be exact – aboard the Aurora 7 in 1962.

To be honest, after trying one recently, I can’t for the life of me recall what I ever saw in them besides the name and the fact that they were a whole lot cheaper back then. They taste kinda like a grainy Tootsie Roll.  But as "out of this world energy sticks" go, I can’t think of a better stocking stuffer.

Now something that’s pretty cool for the friend who smokes cigarettes; the My Smokeless Electronic Cigarette. Here’s the spiel:

"My Smokeless elecrtic cigarettes utilize advanced technology to give you the same smooth, satisfying burst of flavor just like a traditional cigarette, but without the negative health risks. No flame, no ash, no tar, no harmful toxic chemicals; just nicotine, flavor and water vapor."

For around a hundred bucks or less you can buy a rechargeable cigarette married to replaceable nicotine cartridges (in varying strengths) and smoke up a storm on airplanes, in bars and restaurants or at your office. And blow the smoke right into the flight attendant, server or your bosses faces.

It’s crazy…

Puff on the electric cigarette and its tip glows fiery red – just like the fake flame atop Liberty Memorial – and you get a strong jolt of nicotine. Then what comes out of your lungs and mouth when you exhale looks exactly like real smoke, but it isn’t. Go figure.

You can buy them online or at kiosks in malls like Oak Park.

Have a great Christmas and holiday!

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2 Responses to Hearne: The Off Kilter, Last Minute Christmas Gifts Giver’s Guide

  1. Super Dave says:

    Soapstone rocks is only way to go
    The soapstone rocks are great for your whiskey or vodka well ok Patron as well. I have used for several years now and hate when I go out and have to have ice in a glass when I order a double with dinner.

  2. chuck says:

    No mention of the new Air Jordan Tennis Shoes???
    I don’t even know what the fuck to say. Check out this video…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHCBAkQshCg

    This one is even better, a little girl gets trampled, unvelievable…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StQVCeVoqVI&feature=related

    No doubt folks, its a World Star Hip Hop Christmas. http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/

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