Tales from the Tweet: a Jumbo Dose of Pinkel, Big Z to KC? & Canseco’s New Gig

At this point, you’ve already decided whether Mizzou head coach Gary Pinkel’s punishment was justified or horribly hypocritical. You’ve probably even seen the dash-cam video where he stumbles around, embarrassing himself and his university. If you’re a Mizzou alum, or fan, you’ve probably taken the attitude that, “come on, who HASN’T had a drink at dinner with friends and driven home? The fact that everyone is making a big deal of it is the REAL issue.”

If you’re a KU fan, or a K-State fan, or even if your team is in the SEC (most SEC fans seem angry by their conference’s newest inclusion, in general), you’ve probably taken the attitude that, “he could have killed a school-bus of special needs children! He should be drawn and quartered like the uncivilized beast that he IS!

And maybe there is merit to be found in all opinions, both sympathetic and dissenting.

He did lose over $300,000 in the ordeal, has been publicly humiliated and one would assume that this makes a large mark on his permanent record. On the other hand, his players have been punished in a more severe manner for similar transgressions—in terms of suspension, that is—and he DOES make a dick-load of money to begin with.

But no matter what you’ve decided, the facts surrounding his arrest speak for themselves.

@sptwri (Mike DeArmond, Mizzou writer, KC Star)
“Cops asked gp to recite alphabet starting with letter E. He said E F G H R. LATER WENT A B C D E F G H R.”

“COPS ASKED GP TO count from 73 to 62. "Gary stated he could not do that normally."

“Cop asked how big were the servings of red wine he had consumed. Cop said Pinkel said "Jumbo."

The jumbo answer is priceless. Despite the seriousness of the situation—even I don’t think drinking and driving is a laughing matter, and I’m pretty hard to offend—“jumbo” will forever provide exquisite fodder for those wanting to take a quick jab at MU.

The alphabet confusion and the inability to count, however, is much more serious. This says to me that either A) Pinkel was lying about how many drinks he’d had (2—though they were jumbo, mind you) or B) Pinkel is mentally-disabled. Either way, I don’t want him on the road next to me, especially if I’m driving my bus full of special needs kids to the roller-rink.

@mellinger (Sam Mellinger, KC Star)
“Not saying Pinkel is lying, but everybody tells the cops they’ve had two drinks.”

Not if you’re my dear friend Brian.

In my wilder, dumber days of less consequence, I was in a car with a group of guys, and we were driving to a lake at 2 in the morning. You know, because sometimes you just make great decisions like that. A friend was driving my car, and Brian and I were in the backseat. Another friend—let’s call him Cole (okay, that’s actually his real name, but he doesn’t care)– was riding shotgun. At some point, the driver of the car accidentally popped the trunk on my 1983 Nissan Sentra (with powder blue hubcaps), just as we were about to hit the onramp. Cole leaned out of the open passenger-side door to close the trunk, and promptly fell out.

Cole wasn’t badly hurt, and this may not have been an issue, except for the fact there was a cop right behind us. He immediately (and understandably) pulled us over and approached the car. After asking if we’d noticed that a passenger had fallen out (we had), he asked the driver how many beers he’d had. The driver lied, and said, “Oh, about 2.” Next, he shined the flashlight on me and asked me the same question. I lied too, telling him, “Oh, you know… two, MAYBE three, tops.” Finally, he shined the light on my friend Brian and repeated his question. Without hesitation, Brian said, “I’ve prolly had 11 or 12 beers, sir,” and cackled like a lunatic.

God I love that kid.


But enough about that, back to Mike DeArmond.

“Missouri just announced they are going to induct me into the Mizzou Media Hall of Fame by having my picture put up in the press box. Wow.”

“FYI, I am retiring in February. This is the last football game I will cover for The Kansas City Star. Humbled to be the 12th person in hall.”

Just a few thoughts on this:

A)        Congrats, Mike. This is a tremendous honor that is greatly deserved.

B)        Full disclosure: my in-laws are friends with the DeArmond’s, so even if I wanted to make a joke about this, I couldn’t.

C)        There’s no joke to be made. Mike is a consummate professional who puts his foot in his mouth less than anyone else in local sport’s media. He will be missed.

Elsewhere, we’re hot off the heels of a tremendous prize fight between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez. By all accounts it was a close fight, a GOOD fight, even, but many are of the opinion that Marquez may have been jobbed. Days after the fact, 810 am’s Steven St. John got a little fired up.

“I know I’ve flipped back and forth on this through the years, but I have little doubt, now….Floyd would pick Manny apart.”

“Another rematch between Manny and Juan Manuel Marquez is actually a far better fight than Floyd/Manny….More entertaining and competitive.”

“I’ve learned to ignore judges scorecards…I’ve seen thousands of fights & I don’t need a judge to tell me who won…JMM beat Manny…again.”

Again, most boxing writers are of the same opinion—Manny’s history, and the desire to build a legacy around someone who has been so good for the sport—may have gotten in the way, here. That being said, I don’t think there’s any way in hell that a 4th fight between Manny and Marquez is better than a Mayweather/Manny fight. While it may be more competitive (and I’m not even buying that, necessarily), Mayweather/Manny would be epic battle of Jurassic proportions. Too bad that between egos, fear and the senility of promoter Bob Arum, it’ll probably never happen.

Meanwhile, in Hot Stove-ishness… the Astros are moving to the AL West, Matt Kemp signed a new contract with the Dodgers paying him a majillion dollars, and Bud Selig is busy reformatting the wild card system.

@jcrasnick (Jerry Crasnick, ESPN)
“Selig said his committee favors one game playoff in wild card. "It will be dramatic,” he said.“

@Buster_ESPN (Buster Olney)
“Assuming that it gets done, the one-game playoff in the WC round was the right decision for MLB, for a whole bunch of reasons.”

I agree. Last year’s race to the playoffs— culminating with an elimination game—was one king-hell of an exciting conclusion to a marathon of a season that can, at times, seem long and arduous. To think that we have the potential for this kind of excitement each and every year? Sign me up. Why WOULDN’T people want this?


And in more Fat-Stove news:

@Royals_Report (Bob Dutton, KC Star, Royals beat writer)
“Have talked to #Royals folks regarding reports of interest in Carlos Zambrano…Hearing: Sure, if he’s released. That’s always been true.”

Um, yeah… no? This is a TERRIBLE idea. I lived in Chicago for a spell and got to see Zambrano’s foolish act up-close and through the eyes of a million Cubs fans. He’d go nuts and fight a teammate, and then beg for forgiveness. He’d be fine for a few months, and then he’d snap again, biting off an opponent’s finger in a bench-clearing brawl. After his suspension, he’d apologize again and be back to normal. And then he’d get really pissed again…

No. Thanks.

He’s Jose Guillen and Juan Gonzalez rolled into one fat, sweaty egg-roll of volatility and imbalance. He’s a cancer, not a leader, and I think he’d make an awful addition to a young team full of impressionable minds.


Speaking of Chicago, former Southside manager Ozzie Guillen was checking out his former city’s football team on Sunday night, AND trying his hand at observational comedy (apparently).

“Very good game I think lol I don’t know about american fooball”

“Why ? Is a football when they not kick the ball around”

And tell me of the deel with airports peanuts, please? Am right? Yes? (taps microphone) Hi?

Finally in Hot-Fucking-Stove news, Eric Hosmer, our third place rookie of the year, is working hard this offseason to get his game where it needs to be. Check it:

“What up playas my playstation name is KCHOSMER35 come be apart of my kill streaks on this MW3 haha”

Man… when did video games become so cool? And I don’t mean, “When did the graphics become mind-blowingly amazing and the gameplay complete smash your face off with awesomeness and did you see that part in Grand Theft Auto where you get to have sex with a hooker, kill her and then take your money back?”

I mean, when did it become socially acceptable to be an unabashed video game nerd? There was a time, not too long ago, really, when an adult spending their free time playing children’s computer games was scoffed at. Now, your dad just shot you up the ass with a rocket launcher, online, in a heated game of “Gears of Fog IV: War Weapons of Violence.”

I’d like to close out this installment with some really sad, really depressing Tweets… you know, because of the holiday and whatnot. First, Ozzie Guillen returns to remind us that we should all be thankful to have our intellect (and possibly, friends):

"I like to learn how to play world whit friends is very hard for me"

Damn, Oz… that brought a tear to my eye. So earnest, so sincere. Tell you what, bro, my wife is nuts for those "______ with _____’s" games (I assume he meant the hugely popular "Words With Friends" game). I’ll private-message you her user info. She won’t make fun of you, I promise.
(I would)

Speaking of depressing, disgraced slugger Jose Canseco wins this week’s “Somebody Please Kill Me, You’ll be Doing Me a Favor and No Jury In the World Will Ever Convict You” Award.

“Come down to the Art of Music at the Mandalay Bay Hotel Shops in Las Vegas. I’m signing autographs 6 days a week from 1 pm to 5 pm”

That’s right, folks. Jose’s got himself a gig signing autographs for 24 hours a week. Life. Is. Sweet. He’s also breaking into the high-stakes world of advertising:

“Las Vegas and southpoint casino what a perfect combination”

Damn… just… damn. I’m embarrassed to even SHARE these. I can’t imagine how he feels.

You know what? I can’t go out on such a negative note, not the day before Thanksgiving. Javier! Tell us what you’re thankful for, quick!

@JavierArenas21 (Chiefs CB)
“Jalapeño slices makes sandwiches exciting”

Godbless you, Javy, and Happy Thanksgiving to all of our readers! Remember, if you’re going “jumbo” on the Jesus-juice, designate a driver.

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7 Responses to Tales from the Tweet: a Jumbo Dose of Pinkel, Big Z to KC? & Canseco’s New Gig

  1. Ry says:

    “most SEC fans seem angry by their conference

  2. kcfred says:

    The SEC
    …said the same thing about Arkansas when they joined. All is well, now. In two years no one will care except the KU “entitled” crowd. You’re gonna get killed tonight just like Kentucky. You have one player one decent player this year.
    Hey, was that Miz-zou that just destroyed California last night?
    Was that Dickie V. doing a game long recruitment infomercial on Miz-zou?
    See ya at the yearly beatdown Saturday KU fans.

  3. Ry says:

    I wonder why this moron kcfred is a mu fan? KC was the entity hurt the most by mu defection, yet fred continues to babble on and on about how much he loves the move to the SEC. Change your name moron or your tune. SECfred would be more approptiate.

    So funny, the consensus in the Big 12 is…..that everyone is happy mu is gone,
    Consensus in the SEC is……. they hate mu is coming.

    mu is such a loser school… it is so funny these mu fans have no idea how much everyone hates them.

    Cant wait for local media to stop reporting on mu…. no one will care about mu, except mu morons… like secfred

  4. Ry says:

    wow!!! what a game
    WOW!!! Talk about a game for the ages. That was fun to watch….. I was in basketball heaven this week. THE MIGHTY KANSAS JAYHAWKS MENS BASKTBALL TEAM played against Georgetown, UCLA and then Duke….WOW!!! We won the first two and then played a nail biter tonight. Duke was raining 3-point shots like crazy…omg…. We did not get the victory, but KU looked good, and were rebounding like pros (remember pro basketball?). We sure looked better tonight than we did against UK… it seems the kids are learning fast. We may not have won, but we were not losers.

    I am delighted with my 2011 Kansas basketball team. I feel sorry for the weaker teams we have coming up, because our kids have just had a run against some of the best teams in the country, and from here on it it should be easy street……. but we will see. Thats why they play the game.

    Wishing coach Self and all of his coaches and all the KU players and staff a Happy Thanksgiving

  5. Brandon Leftridge says:

    Hey Ry–

    Have you had a chance to watch any of the CBE Tourney w/ Mizzou? As an unabashed Jayhawks fan, I’d be interested to hear what you think of the Tigers.

  6. Ry says:

    No, sorry I did not get a chance to see any other Bball besides KU….3 games in 3 nights is my limit, until March madnesss…… but if you watched please let us know what you think. As long as mu is still a local team I care… tick tock.

    reading the comments on the KC Star from the mu folks chiming about KU….. mostly pot shots, as usual, they didnt see the game only the result, but as usuall there are more mu people heckkling than KU folks posting…. I wonder what those mu folks will do when they are gone from the Big 12 and no one in the BIg 12 will care or reply to them…… as long as they are Big 12 brothers I will reply…. but when hey are gone… bye bye …. hate is like love…. but not caring….well, we just wont care any more…. Like right now we could not care less what any Ohio or Florida or Nebraksa or Arkanasas fans say about anything.

  7. kcfred says:

    That’s because they’re not talking about you and they won’t in the future.
    KU basketball means nothing outside of here.
    I didn’t go to Mizzou, really don’t have a dog in the hunt, pal, but the outright jealousy disgused as disgust is so hypocritical of KU fans. What would KU have done? You know the answer.
    They didn’t ask you and now you’re all indignant.
    Personally, I’ll miss the rivalry, that’s a number of generations that have been caught up in it.
    The conference belongs to Texas and Oklahoma, it’s their game and whenever they shit, the Big 12 wipes their ass.
    Mizzou found a way out. Good for them.
    The righteous indignation gets old when KU would have done the exact same thing.

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