Leftridge: Weekend Recap; BCS Insanity, Sausage Scented Ladies and the Return of Thiggy


My father-in-law grew up in Oklahoma.

He went to both OU and OSU. Weird, huh?

Used to be, when I thought of Oklahoma, I though of SE Hinton novels. You know, the Outsiders, a violent teenage socioecomic drama where the Greasers fought the Soc’s, and Cherry Valance was forever conflicted.

Now I just think of my father-in-law, a proud Oklahoman who can root with candor for whichever of the two teams happens to be winning. Needless to say, this was a rough weekend for him.

Meanwhile, Justin Blackmon is dropping passes from his elderly quarterback and Landry Jones is gasping for air as his dwindling Heisman candidacy circles ‘round the porcelain poop-drop.

I knew the OU/Baylor game would be good. I called that. But I’m not stupid enough to pretend that I also pegged OU as the loser. Didn’t think there was any way in hell they’d lose to Baylor, despite RG3’s super-cyborg abilities.

But man… that Robert Griffin III kid is something else. He set records—500 yards through the air, Jesus H. Christ—and ultimately saved the last drive for his legs, beautiful redwoods of indisputable virtue.

I want the Chiefs to pick him in next year’s draft. It’s possible, by God, so make it happen Pioli.

And then, down in Stillwater, on Friday night, wow… did that actually happen? Screw LSU at Alabama, this was the game of the year. This was two heavyweights with no remaining equilibrium or concern for their long-term health beating the ever-loving shit out of one another, all pretenses of a happy retirement forgotten.

Iowa State came out of nowhere—and I don’t care how much of a lying, ardent fan you were—you did not see this coming. You prayed, and clutched corn stalks and linked arms and pleaded with some mysterious maize-based God, and you know what? It worked.

Congrats, Iowa State fans. To the victors go the pork-products.

This weekend, the whole state of Oklahoma was just plain cursed.

Sorry, father-in-law.

Elsewhere, in the professional circuit, I told you on Friday that there weren’t any good games to watch, that everything on the schedule was decidedly lopsided.

Although I really hate it when people say it, it’s said because it’s true: that’s why they play the games, folks.

I poked fun at the Dolphin’s Matt Moore and thought that Dallas would kick the crap out Washington, not barely squirt one out in OT. I thought that the Detroit Lions would massacre Cam Newton and his Panthers, and although the Lions did end up winning by two touchdowns, it was devilishly close through most of the game. Tampa Bay kept it close in Green Bay, but the Yellow and Green Machine was too much.

It begs the question, can anyone beat the Packers? They’ve still got two left with the Lions—including a Turkey-day match-up that I assure you is going to be MUCH more interesting than hearing about your uncle Luther’s various maladies—and games against the New York Giants (who somehow manage to exceed my expectations each week) and the Bears, who’ve been playing well as of late.

No, I don’t think they go 16-0—too many variables come into play—but I think it’s entirely within the realm of possibility that they go 15-1.

And barring an injury to Aaron Rodgers, I think they’re a lock to make the Super Bowl, once more.

Despite perpetually frozen nose hairs and rotund, cushiony women who always emit the aroma of grilled brats, it must be pretty freaking nice to be a Green Bay fan. Wish I knew what it was like to root for a winner, for once.

This Week’s Winner: Green Bay fans

You’ve got a perennial contender and your rotund, cushiony women smell like grilled brats… wait… did you think I meant that as an insult? I ABSOLUTELY did not. Any gal can smell like lavender or lilac, but it takes a special kind of female to walk around reeking of encased meats. Hold your head up high, Packer Nation. You’re hale and hearty, full of beer, sausage and cheese curds, and you’re seeing a hell-of-a special quarterback, week after week.

This Week’s Loser: Ryan Fitzpatrick (and the Buffalo Bills)

Since starting out 4-1, and taking the NFL by surprise, the Mighty Bills have fallen back to earth, hard. They’ve now won only 2 out of their last 7, lost 3 straight and appear to be fading fast. This is due, in no small part, to the poor play of their recently re-upped Pocket Einstein, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitzy was 20 of 39 for 209 yards, two INT and no TD. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that his flop today—against a fairly weak Dolphin’s defense, it should be noted—was good for a 45.8 QBR.

He hasn’t won a game since he was signed to an ambitious (and dangerous) 6-year-deal worth $59 million. He’s had 12 turnovers in his last six games and after a blisteringly hot start, finds himself squarely in low-tier territory. Tyler Thigpen—yes THAT Tyler Thigpen—found his way into the game late. Never an encouraging sign when he’s replacing someone you consider to be the new-era face of your franchise (not that too much should be read into Thigpen’s appearance, however… the game was a blowout at that point).

Buffalo is a much-maligned city that hasn’t seen a consistent winner in a number of years. Frankly, I’m not sure that Ryan Fitzpatrick is the man who can recapture the glory years of the late 80’s/early 90’s. He’s certainly no Jim Kelly… he may not even be Drew Bledsoe.

Lord, have mercy in the land of the chicken wing. Amen.

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13 Responses to Leftridge: Weekend Recap; BCS Insanity, Sausage Scented Ladies and the Return of Thiggy

  1. chuck says:

    Check the schedule
    Miami is playing well with 3 wins. They will win 5 or 6.
    Cleveland is at 4 and 6, hope they win 2 more.
    Jacksonville at 3 and 7 with Indy and Tampa still to play, plus they just paid Gabbert.
    Indy = Andrew Luck
    Washington with 3 wins still has Seattle, Min and Philly
    Minnisota= teh big kid outta Az.
    Carolina has Cam Newton
    St. Louis has Sam Bradford
    Az with 3 wins still has St. Louis, Seattle and Cleveland and just paid K Kolb a bundle.

    KC might not win another game. Really. KC actually has a shot at RG3, especially with the new labor agreement.

    I see Cleveland and Washington as our main competition for RG3.

    Snyder is the fuckin Prince of Darkness, even if he sucks at football. His personell situation, and his well know penchant for interrference would be perfect cover for forcing the Rat to play that week’s shittiest Wash QB and fuck with the injury report.

    I would have to bet against KC getting RG3, but, they got an outside shot.

  2. smartman says:

    Stay Golden Pony Boy
    RGIII seems like a great kid. He Tebow’s more than Tebow. Jesus will not dispatch him to the football HELL that is KC. He’s going to the PROMISED land not the COMPROMISED land.

    Buffalo remains a drinking town with a football problem. Much like KC. The best that the Chiefs can hope for today is that a story breaks that Mayor Sly has been molesting young boys. They are going to get skullfucked. Even the ESPN MNF promos with Jaws, Gruden and Tirrico were HILARIOUS this week. They needed a GPS to find something encouraging to say about the Chiefs.

    The BIG XII Gods of Karma spoke with a loud clear voice to the triumvirate of GREED. The SEC RULES! Suck on those Houston NUTTS!

  3. chuck says:

    I think we gotta a 1 in 4 shot at the kid, maybe 1 in 3.

    Not bad odds in Nov. 🙂

  4. Kerouac says:

    Kettle to teapot, kettle to teapot
    Gee Brandon, dissing BUFF’s QB situation? Have you seen what clerk, egoli & hailme left under our tree for Christmas? The gift that keeps on giving, x3, ad nauseam. If Fitzpatrick is a loser & Tyler Thigpen a worse fate still, what call ye this lovely mess ours kcindy?

    Have their own Thigpen: he goes by Tyler Palko; they also have the local fandom’s latest ‘we want’ savior in Ricky Stanzi, another in a long line of great University of Iowa QB’s, most every who went on to become equally fabulous pros (Randy Duncan, a former Dallas Texan/precursor Chiefs), Mark Vlasic (another former Chief), Chuck Long and- oh poo – I was thinking of the U of P(urdue), with Len Dawson, Bob Griese, Drew Brees etc.

    Wrong state/QB school; missed it by THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT much. So has kcindy since forever or 1970, whichever you prefer; I sense a disturbing ‘lack of’ trend football success, QBs drafted, free agent QBs signed, QBs traded for, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam.

    Go Palko!

    Go Stanzi!

    Go Ca$$el!

    Go get a real QB, KC!

    This par for the course nod to ingenuity clerk / egoli / hailme lore has been brought to you by Fi$cal Re$traint, The Patriot Way, The Right 53 & yes by those any 22 guys from off the street… thank goodness mutt ca$$el will (too?) soon be back.

    Here’s a preview of tonight’s postgame QB recap (start practicing, duffer)
    (cue Jim ‘Playoffs’ Mora) ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwq7BYOnDrM

  5. Tracy says:

    rolling eyes at this sports kid
    My what a narrow narrow view of the world and sports you have junior. Not a peep about the NASCAR season wrapping up yesterday?, or a word about the KU men’s basketball team playing tonight and for the next several nights? If your are going to be “the sport guy”, maybe try to expand the sports to be followed and you might get more than 4 comments. It is not that hard, just exert a lil effort, earn you pay.

    I will try not to take your tact, and say what you love to sat to other s here on KCC “sir you are an idiot”…but you are.

  6. smartman says:

    You Got PUNKED!
    Jesu Cristo Brandon, looks like your BOSS took the Do Not Disturb sign off so TRACY could bitch-slap you!

    Your street cred’s on the line now. You’re somewhat obligated to take shit from some of the regulars but you DON’T have to take it from Tracy! She’s a kamikaze not a guerilla trench fighter like the rest of us. She just called you a bacon-dick. What are you gonna do about that?

  7. Tracy says:

    Maybe you are/were satisfied with this sports report sm, but I was not, and I took my time (which is money) to help the kid out. If he does not want feedback, then I wont comment again. It is a big ole world sm, try opening your eyes someitme as opposed to only opening your big mouth, you bacon dick

    the kid opened himself up to harsher criticiism when he started calling people idiots on KCC, which was not very polite of him.

  8. Tracy says:

    It was egregious to not even mention KU men’s basketball (the only consistant / REAL / winning sports team in a 500 mile radius of KC)(wether you are a fan or not, that fact is indisputable) playing Maui this week. The game is on right on ESPN2 and is part of the kick off to a great week of sports, Rolling Stones releases (not that any of you dumbasses here have a clue about that)(and still dont)(fkya) and a great American holiday. God bless what is left of our once great country.

  9. Tracy says:

    I guess the KU faithful have known that tougher times would eventually trickle down to our my beloved KU mens Basketball, and after 8 bountiful years of easy times, and loaded talent it seems like this could be a nail biting year. True KU fans know how spoiled we have been. We have been very fortunate, we won a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP…. but…. sigh…. we knew eventually this could happen…. but YIKES!!! I DONT LIKE CLOSE GAMES THIS EARLY IN THE SEASON!!!!…. I LIKE EASY STREE….but………. anyway…

    KU defeated Georgetown in a late late game that was too close for my comfort zone… and tomorrow may be even tougher against UCLA (talk about 2 storied college basketyball teams) starting around 8-9 on ESPN, after the Puke Vs Michigan game (that should be a good game with #6 vs #15)….. and if we win ….and Puke wins…we will play Puke on Wednesday…. man, talk about a tough early season game….but….BUT……… WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! I LOVE IT….. sure, I am anxious, but its gonna be a fun year….an interesting year for KU Basketball… and no matter what we stand behind our coach and team. We are fortunate to have the best coach, Bill Self… ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK…GOOOOOOOO KU!!!!

  10. chuck says:

    kcconfidential prodigal doyenne Tracy Thomas returns!!
    MacArthur—“I shall return.”

    Leonardo Da Vinci—“For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.

    Victor Hugo—“When liberty returns, I will return”

    Gandalf—“I return to you now, at the turn of the tide”

    cHUCK—“I return this glass gargoyle, filler up.”

    Tracy Thomas—“…you bacon dick.”

    Hey Lefty, Tracy has her M61 Vulcan on full auto, strafing your ass, but enjoy the ride. 🙂

  11. chuck says:

    I was at Waldo Pizza watching the game last night and
    the Dalai Lama came in.

    I was fuckin amazed.

    The Dalai Lama, in Kansas City, during the Monday Night Football Game.

    No shit, I got really close to look at him and as he approached the counter, I cut through the ever increasing crowd around this holy man and over the noise of the crowd and the announcers on Monday Night Football, I heard him ask the counter girl, “Can you make me one with everything?”

    Hell of a night.

  12. Orphan of the Road says:

    Tracy, Tracy, Tracy
    NASCAR and KU BB (after a major smackdown from their doppelganger UK), Brandon would do better to work in some Flower Show stuff.

    NASCAR is motor sports answer to the WWE. One of the France’s sitting in the owner’s box and calling down to the flagman, “There’s debris on the track, throw the yellow flag.”

    Go into the showroom of the winning brand on Monday and tell ’em you want to buy a car just like the one which one the race on Sunday. Salesmen love that one.

    Everything before Thanksgiving is just to tune up for the real season. Although KU & UK apparently missed that memo. Although the hate between those two programs makes KU vs MU look like an incestuous love fest.

    Tracy, I suggest you take on the method of women who watched the Natives play lacrosse. The Cherokee call lacrosse The Little Brother of War. Before the NCAA & ESPN, lacrosse was played on a field with the goals a mile or so apart. There were no out of bounds. A skull was used in place of a ball.

    And if a player would be jaking it, the women and children would beat them with big sticks to show their disgust.

    Sounds like the Tracy i’ve come to know.

  13. Hearne Christopher says:

    Brandon is a thrice a week guy at present.

    He’s a columnist, not an entire sports section. But we’re all open to criticism – we’re fair game.

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