My father-in-law grew up in Oklahoma.
He went to both OU and OSU. Weird, huh?
Used to be, when I thought of Oklahoma, I though of SE Hinton novels. You know, the Outsiders, a violent teenage socioecomic drama where the Greasers fought the Soc’s, and Cherry Valance was forever conflicted.
Now I just think of my father-in-law, a proud Oklahoman who can root with candor for whichever of the two teams happens to be winning. Needless to say, this was a rough weekend for him.
Meanwhile, Justin Blackmon is dropping passes from his elderly quarterback and Landry Jones is gasping for air as his dwindling Heisman candidacy circles ‘round the porcelain poop-drop.
I knew the OU/Baylor game would be good. I called that. But I’m not stupid enough to pretend that I also pegged OU as the loser. Didn’t think there was any way in hell they’d lose to Baylor, despite RG3’s super-cyborg abilities.
But man… that Robert Griffin III kid is something else. He set records—500 yards through the air, Jesus H. Christ—and ultimately saved the last drive for his legs, beautiful redwoods of indisputable virtue.
I want the Chiefs to pick him in next year’s draft. It’s possible, by God, so make it happen Pioli.
And then, down in Stillwater, on Friday night, wow… did that actually happen? Screw LSU at Alabama, this was the game of the year. This was two heavyweights with no remaining equilibrium or concern for their long-term health beating the ever-loving shit out of one another, all pretenses of a happy retirement forgotten.
Iowa State came out of nowhere—and I don’t care how much of a lying, ardent fan you were—you did not see this coming. You prayed, and clutched corn stalks and linked arms and pleaded with some mysterious maize-based God, and you know what? It worked.
Congrats, Iowa State fans. To the victors go the pork-products.
This weekend, the whole state of Oklahoma was just plain cursed.
Elsewhere, in the professional circuit, I told you on Friday that there weren’t any good games to watch, that everything on the schedule was decidedly lopsided.
Although I really hate it when people say it, it’s said because it’s true: that’s why they play the games, folks.
I poked fun at the Dolphin’s Matt Moore and thought that Dallas would kick the crap out Washington, not barely squirt one out in OT. I thought that the Detroit Lions would massacre Cam Newton and his Panthers, and although the Lions did end up winning by two touchdowns, it was devilishly close through most of the game. Tampa Bay kept it close in Green Bay, but the Yellow and Green Machine was too much.
It begs the question, can anyone beat the Packers? They’ve still got two left with the Lions—including a Turkey-day match-up that I assure you is going to be MUCH more interesting than hearing about your uncle Luther’s various maladies—and games against the New York Giants (who somehow manage to exceed my expectations each week) and the Bears, who’ve been playing well as of late.
No, I don’t think they go 16-0—too many variables come into play—but I think it’s entirely within the realm of possibility that they go 15-1.
And barring an injury to Aaron Rodgers, I think they’re a lock to make the Super Bowl, once more.
Despite perpetually frozen nose hairs and rotund, cushiony women who always emit the aroma of grilled brats, it must be pretty freaking nice to be a Green Bay fan. Wish I knew what it was like to root for a winner, for once.
This Week’s Winner: Green Bay fans
You’ve got a perennial contender and your rotund, cushiony women smell like grilled brats… wait… did you think I meant that as an insult? I ABSOLUTELY did not. Any gal can smell like lavender or lilac, but it takes a special kind of female to walk around reeking of encased meats. Hold your head up high, Packer Nation. You’re hale and hearty, full of beer, sausage and cheese curds, and you’re seeing a hell-of-a special quarterback, week after week.
This Week’s Loser: Ryan Fitzpatrick (and the Buffalo Bills)
Since starting out 4-1, and taking the NFL by surprise, the Mighty Bills have fallen back to earth, hard. They’ve now won only 2 out of their last 7, lost 3 straight and appear to be fading fast. This is due, in no small part, to the poor play of their recently re-upped Pocket Einstein, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitzy was 20 of 39 for 209 yards, two INT and no TD. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that his flop today—against a fairly weak Dolphin’s defense, it should be noted—was good for a 45.8 QBR.
He hasn’t won a game since he was signed to an ambitious (and dangerous) 6-year-deal worth $59 million. He’s had 12 turnovers in his last six games and after a blisteringly hot start, finds himself squarely in low-tier territory. Tyler Thigpen—yes THAT Tyler Thigpen—found his way into the game late. Never an encouraging sign when he’s replacing someone you consider to be the new-era face of your franchise (not that too much should be read into Thigpen’s appearance, however… the game was a blowout at that point).
Buffalo is a much-maligned city that hasn’t seen a consistent winner in a number of years. Frankly, I’m not sure that Ryan Fitzpatrick is the man who can recapture the glory years of the late 80’s/early 90’s. He’s certainly no Jim Kelly… he may not even be Drew Bledsoe.
Lord, have mercy in the land of the chicken wing. Amen.