Hearne: Houston, We Have Questions; Was Moon Landing Fake & Where R the Bluejackets?

What is it about astronaut quotes that make them so damn enduring?

From "One small step" to "Houston, we have a problem" – they’ve morphed from mere utterances into pop culture icons. And now that I’m trapped in Houston for the second time this year, it’s finally happened. I got kidnapped to the Houston Space Center – the home away from home of NASA – and forced by captors to take the new Discount Tire NASA Tram Tour. Which I can now report, is a bit of a snore.

In other words, don’t even think about canceling the family vacation to Bali Bali.

Not that I didn’t have a jolly good time, within reason, owing mostly to a college kid named Graham who was our tour guide. He updated me on vital NASA stuff like that after three long years on the job he’s still only making $8.75 an hour.

Houston, times are tough…

I learned that since Graham’s from Canada and an avid hockey player, he doesn’t like to fight, But that he observes proper ettiquette when one breaks out by removing his protective headgear. Because when the dukes are up, it’s considered good form to take off your facemask so the other fellow won’t hurt his hand while he’s popping you in the kisser. I kid you not, that’s an actual hockey rule. Graham says.

There was other interesting discoveries.

Like all those old rocketships and how crude and unsophisticated they look by today’s standards. Seriously. I can’t believe anybody smart enough to make it through flight school would be dumb enough to get in one of those Fred Flintstone space Model T’s and think they could make it to the Final Frontier and live to tell the story.

Speaking of cartoon characters, those old spaceships looked like something George Jetson and Henry Ford dicked around on in Steve Jobs parent’s garage before they gave up and went ahead and invented the McIntosh instead.

No wonder Uptown Theater honcho Larry Sells thinks NASA faked it all. Fly one of those crum-dums to the moon and back? No way!

I’m heading straight  to Blockbuster on my return and renting Capricorn One. Next time I watch it, I’m gonna view it as a documentary.

We saw the original Mission Control – museum, preserved in its original form. It looked like something you could order and build out of a 1959 Radio Shack catalogue. NASA was having some kind of presentation ceremony in it for an astronaut dude and his family. Naturally, Graham had no clue what was going on – above his pay grade – but ventured a guess that it might be a memorial service of some sort .

Another  highlight of our tram tour; a gigantic field with longhorn cattle Graham tells me are provided and cared for by the Future Farmers of America.

Remember those dudes?

The bluejacketed boys and girls who used to flood Kansas City around this time of year and pump billions into the local economy. The guys Louisville stole from us after a lifetime of Semper Fi on the Plaza and at Gates Bar-B-Q. The ones heavy duty banker R. Crosby Kemper Jr. vowed to squash like bugs in Donald Trump-like fashion and replace with his – wait for it Green Jackets.

The year was 1996 and Kemper’s group was called the AFAAgriculture Future of America – which was supposed to replace the 37,000 FFA kids we were losing. At least that was the mission as far as KC was concerned.

So when was the last time you saw a buncha of kids in green jackets rummaging around KC in the dead of fall? Me neither.

But believe it or not, those Green Jacket dudes still exist. Really. They even came here for their yearly gang bang last week although I didn’t see em. You?

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13 Responses to Hearne: Houston, We Have Questions; Was Moon Landing Fake & Where R the Bluejackets?

  1. harley says:

    Please go to the story on paterno by glaze and fact chec k
    items in your writings…thanks

  2. smartman says:

    Oh Canada?
    WTF? A Canuck and probably a frog too working at NASA? Yeah, we have a problem. He should be working at the Zamboni test track in Vancouver.

    Back in the 80’s when the execs at Texaco wanted to use the N-WORD they said Canadian’s.

    Go to moonmovie.com for more facts on the moon landing or lack thereof.

    You gotta ask yourself with that being a milestone in space exploration why in the hell haven’t we been back and why haven’t the Russians or Chinese done it to even the score?

  3. Sheldon says:

    HERE ARE SOME KIND WORDS FOR HEARNE…. thoughts too….. cuz it is the thought that counts, because one has to offset all the unkind words with some kind words.

    Have a happy full moon evening and a fun filled weekend hearne, hope you get what ever you desire.

  4. Can't say says:

    You have an expert on FAKE’s
    You have an expert of fake stuff with Craig Glazer why don’t you get his insight about moon landings? Maybe it will become a FULL PAGE story in the Star. Oh wait…Craig just called….he use to be an astronaut after his career with the KBI…which surprisingly they have no record of….he must of been deep undercover!!! Of course if he was under covers the 15 year old boy wouldn’t be able to watch him.

  5. mermaid says:

    Good story Hearne
    That was a funny story. My son went to space camp for years. He loved it. We went through the “I’m going to be an astronaut ” phase for a little while! Guess he couldn’t be one now if he wanted to. No NASA funding.

  6. chuck says:

    Larry Sells is the best.
    I love listening to him.

    Hearne, I think you should follow Larry to the grocery store, sneak around the other side of the produce aisle where he can’t see ya, take a magic marker and write “E Howard Hunt” on the canteloupes.

    Heh, heh…

  7. chuck says:

    Whever I see a Pic of the Mermaid
    or see her comment, I have wanna start singin Rick Astley songs.

    Is that bad?

  8. Robertoe says:

    Hesus Christo! We went to the moon!
    I love a good conspiracy theory (Chuck & Smartman are actually Nordic Aliens sent here to spy on us). Shoot…. I’m even a fan of http://www.coasttocoastam.com (except nitwit George Norry). I always look forward to http://www.ozarkufo.com each year in Eureka Springs. Here’s a picture of me dining with Richard Dolan, Linda Mouton Howe and Travis Walton in Eureka at the 2011 conference. Linda invited me.
    You Coasties will know this is a big deal!

    But the fake moon landing is kinda a litmus test. What? All astronauts and all NASA employees were in on it and kept quiet? Give me a break!
    If you buy into this you are buying into any and all whackiness with no discernment filter what-so-ever. There is some real screwy stuff going on but use some critical evaluation!

    There are some good moon and space related questions. ie…

    If we have no shuttle, how are all the military and surveillance satellites getting refueled? hmmm….

    And if we had 40 years of manned and unmanned moon missions how the hell did we miss the water there when India discovered it on their very first lunar mission!

    Moon Water Discovered in Lunar Soil by Indian Mission

    But questioning the authenticity of our moon mission has never been on my radar!

  9. Robertoe says:

    and Chuck, you might not have such a innocent, sappy Rick Astleyish view of Mermaid after her column next week!
    Go Debbie Go!
    These over the hill male chauvinists need to be shaken and stirred a little! Like I said b4, we need some gal perspectives around here.
    Mermaid is going to prove to be a valuable and interesting addition (and I suspect she’s a Nordic too).

  10. smartman says:

    Check out projectmars.net and projectpegasus.net. The answer to how nobody involved in the fake moon landing can remember anything is there.

    NASA may no longer exist but the CIA and HARP do.

  11. smartman says:

    I mean HAARP. My bad.

  12. Robertoe says:

    No discernment filter!
    You mean DARPA don’t you? I’m fascinated by HAARP but I dont see the connection with this Mars/teleportation stuff.

    Yeah I saw that Coast to Coast AM show this week but I didn’t listen. George Noory is such a dumbass (Linda Mouton Howe can’t stand him), and the description sounds way over the top. Wait a sec! Barrack Obama was in the program? These guys teleported with him? He went to Mars? 90,000 died on Mars? Bases with 100,000s of Americans? Colonizing Mars 30 years ago? Come on Smartman. I hereby forbid you to post with that name ever again. Even nutjob Ed Danes dissed it. He called in and refuted it. Why are you buying it?


    So my litmus test holds. Don’t believe we went to the moon? Yeah you are believing everything including this Pegasus crap. None the less I’m listing to it now on streamlink.

    Smells like disinformation to me. I think these Black gov outfits intentionally seed wacky stuff so it ALL gets discounted. And I’ll bet they hire lawyer types like this Basiago to do it. I’ll bet he was well paid.

    I agree with the skepticism Ian Punnet and George Knapp embrace. George Noory is just too stupid for a good critical interview.

    I do think we have WAAAYYY too much no checks, no balances black budget and technology advances that should be transparent. Shit our whole f’ing government has been high-jacked. It started with the JFK assassination. Eisenhower warned us. JFK tried to rain it all in. And we all know what happened to him. See? I like a good conspiracy theory, but not this whackjob stuff!

  13. chuck says:

    you guys are channelling Larry Sells

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