Glazer: Scribe Drops $300 on Lobster, Steak @ Capital Grille, Narrowly Misses Threesome

So here’s how it went down…

A few weeks back an ex-girlfriend was celebrating a birthday. She came over to my condo with three very hot looking young ladies. They’d been drinking before they came by, so all of them were a bit loose. One of the girls, half American Indian and half African (mother from there) had a crazy, great body. Big ones, ripped abs and smooth – she was 26.

For the sake of my dating life, let’s call her Amy (not her real name). We got along great and had a date a few nights later. Everything went well but there was no happy ending. Yet.

Onour  second date last week, she came by my condo at about 8 PM. She seemed pretty clean cut, well-educated and lived in a nice part of OP. She drove a Range Rover, so she seemed normal.

Then she says, "I’m hungry let’s go to a restaurant in the area."  Cool, I said and told her I’d already eaten, but that she could eat. So we drove down to the Plaza, went by a couple places, and she said she’d never been to The Capitol Grille. I was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes – not exactly the ideal dress code for the Grille – but I told her we could get something in the bar.

 

The place was fairly busy for a Tuesday, I saw a couple guys I knew, and I went out front to talk to them and have a smoke while Amy ordered her meal. I went back in, so as not to be rude and our table was full of food: two large lobsters, a 12 oz fillet, salad, soup and a carafe of some wine. There wasn’t even any room on the table for me to put my phone.

Oh yeah, she did order me a drink.

I said, "Amy, I told you I had eaten."  Whereupon she explained it was all for her!!!

"What? Are you looking to beef up and join the Chiefs?" I asked. I was pissed. "Amy I’ve had over a thousand dinner dates, and you just broke the one girl food record. This has got to cost nearly two hundred bucks just for the food." 

And it did.

I went to use the restroom before we left and when I returned there were two shots of Patron waiting. Another thirty bucks and I don’t even do Patron shots!

On the way home – now it’s after 11 PM " – I told her that was over the top and she got teary-eyed.

"I’m so sorry, I thought it was a combo," she said.

Yeah, right….

With parking and booze my bill was just under 300 bucks.

Then Amy says, "Look, I’m so sorry can I make it up you somehow?"

She’d taken home the leftovers – 80% of the meal – and she said, "What if I got another pretty girl to come over right now and you can be with both of us?"

Well O.K., I said. So she makes a call and an hour later an attractive, naughty 30-something blonde shows up. A wild looking blonde with a very nice butt.

Oh well, this will have to do. It’s late. So the blonde comes into my condo and I start to shut the door, when I notice a gremlin lurking in my hallway. I turn to the girls, who are already getting naked, and I ask the blonde, "Who is that?"

She tells me it’s her driver. She’d been drinking and the kid – maybe 14 – just stood there. I had him come in, he looked a bit scared, like he had never done this before. No doubt. And the blonde said, "He can stay and watch; he knows I do porn."

I told them no way, he was too young, he had to wait in the car or go home and come back. So the young dude opted to wait in the car.

I was feeling very strange about it all, but the girls were already going to town as I entered my guest room where they had started. So I got undressed and started going down on the blonde – thinking again, this was just too wierd – when I saw a shadow pass the guest room doorway. I went out to the hall – hoping that it was my cat – but no, it  was the young guy. I asked what he was doing. And he said, "Mister Glazer. I was just needing to use the restroom."

Oh great, he knew my name!

Then he said, "Look it’s OK, she is my MOM and I’m cool with this." 

WTF….that was it…I kicked them all out. Crazy nuts. I’m not that wild. They got dressed and vanished.

Three hundred bucks later, no date, no fun, no sex, just a headache…..Christ….thats showbiz.

P.S. Amy was nice enough to call much later and say, "Please don’t eat my lobster and steak, I’ll come by and get it tomorrow."

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54 Responses to Glazer: Scribe Drops $300 on Lobster, Steak @ Capital Grille, Narrowly Misses Threesome

  1. Mark X says:

    … sure..
    Pics or it didn’t happen …

  2. tiad says:

    There is a Pic….
    He fucked the dog instead!

  3. Robertoe says:

    ha!
    That event wasn’t as weird as you writing it up and publicly posting it.

    This post and pic is like a wag the dog story to divert controversy from Hearne’s John McClure story thats catching so much heat.

    And that weinie dog has the same look on its face as Maria did in that Cigar Box picture when you tried to kiss her on the cheek!

    Here’s the line I liked, “So I got undressed and started going down on the blonde – thinking again, this was just too wierd…” 😮

    Ey Carumba! Do the Glazer wonders ever cease?

  4. smartman says:

    Cheap Date
    C’mon Craig I’m over $300.00 at dinner just with a couple of bottles of Cristal. Back in the day it woulda been another $300.00 on top of that for an 8-Ball, all before any appetizers. C’mon man you’re the fucking King of Sting not some dimebag greeter at Walmart. Make it rain playah!

    The kid thing is weird? He did call you Mister so at least he appears to have some manners.

    So was the tuna prepared Brazilian or African style?

  5. Taco Time says:

    Heard It On Dare Last Week
    Glaze heard you tell it on Johnny Dare last week. You are a riot. Man if I spent that much money on dinner she better call her entire female family over. They best be “fire” too.

  6. Radio Man says:

    Dare Played The Tale
    Yeah that was a strange one, Johnny was all over it. He even had your dinner bill from that restaurant on the show. Hope she or they were worth it, maybe next time.

  7. harley says:

    the girls went to the clinic for an aids test…
    right glaze…another lie…another story….did you dream this one up right after the one about having a movie
    made about your life…or before your club was named #1 in the world…or beofre you posted 8 comments under
    assumed names.
    for heavens sakes glaze…stfu…more lies and shit….you are ruining this stie.
    as for hearne…you’ve r4eached the lowest form of shit for allowing this on your site…you are a loser…loser…
    bi9g fuc*ing loser…..what barn were you raised in>

  8. Harlow says:

    Harley Take Your Meds
    Craig this is why you don’t have a nice girlfriend. Jeez. Keep us posted on the “lobster lady.”

  9. Robertoe says:

    wrong response, smartman
    I would not have spent 5 dollars, 5 pesos or 5 minutes with this caliber of women.

  10. Matt says:

    FINALLY back to some entertainment!
    AT FUCKING LAST…your go to the well CG. With your sports betting luck on the decline and the Chiefs on the comeback trail you rely on your greatest strength, Pussy stories. Nice job! (even if you made it up LOL)

  11. bschloz says:

    Funny Stuff
    They say gambling money has no home.
    Glaze you should of just told her she had to pay– so sorry…
    What did you talk about at dinner? Financial Responsibility? Respect for others bankroll?
    –she pawned you for Capitol Grille leftovers. Cha Ching
    Glaze Listen to Harley …find yourself a nice Jewish girl that likes fast cars and orders Ice Tea.

    Blog on LOL 🙂

  12. Hearne Christopher says:

    Trust me, I know it happened. The women won’t let Craig post their photos. Uh, for obvious reasons.

  13. smartman says:

    @Robertoe
    The upside with these kinda women, if you like seafood, is that they always have CRABS!

  14. Tiger Tail says:

    Looks SEC To Me
    Now that was a story that filled me up, funny. A kid with her, nothing shocks me anymore. That one was odd. So my team heads for the SEC. If we get the weaker division the Tigers could win it next year. I don’t think we can beat Bama or LSU but those other guys, hell yes. I’m quite excited about it all. Hey someone mentioned your predictions going down, what? He must not be able to read. The jproblem Glze is you do several teasers and for us in club or leagues groups, can’t use those. You still have picked very well. Any thoughts on MU?

  15. Dog says:

    You May Have Been Better Off With That Dog
    Glazer you are the man. Maybe next time. How old is that dog. Is the dog of legal age? Hah.

  16. Hollister says:

    sad
    I’m not a holy roller but stories like this make me think that there is something to living by some basic morals. The emptiness of this experience, amplified by the involvement of a kid that appears not to have had much of a childhood is just sad.

  17. mark smith says:

    get the dental dam and bleach
    Damn man. I like yodelling in the canyon as much as the next guy, but I try to avoid blowing some dude by proxy. She walks in, you dont know her, she does porn, and you go down without hesitation like a cat to cream. For all you know she just came from shooting a scene from that soon to be released feature film ” When black snakes attack”. Go brush and gargle.

  18. chuck says:

    Wow.
    Whew…

    I feel terrible for that little kid.

    Jesus…

    I think I wanna leave town again.

  19. smartman says:

    @chuck
    Welcome back! I have a feeling that of all the evenings participants the KID probably has his shit together more than the adults.

  20. chuck says:

    🙂
    🙂

    I feel better already.

  21. chuck says:

    I gotta tell ya Glaze,
    I love your stories, but that one really made me sad. I wanna find the kid and save his ass from a life in hell. It kinda makes me wanna punch someone, and I havn’t done that in 5 or 6 years.

    What a fuckin shitty world.

    smartman, I am gonna go read some of your former posts, and forget this shit and I am NOT gonna drink ’till after 4 PM.

    brutal…

  22. Can't say says:

    Not the
    first dog you’ve ever kissed huh?

  23. Craig Glazer says:

    Agreed
    Yes to put an adult teen ager in that life, man, that sucks. I just was dumb struck by it and when he said, “mom” wow. Unless they had some wierd thing to act that out and it was not true, but my gut is it was. Yes poor guy. Hey don’t be mad at me, I had no idea til they showed up. I thought for a second maybe he was a boyfriend til I looked closer. It’s a strange world out there. I did have them leave as soon as he said that. But yeah sad.

  24. Robertoe says:

    its all aok
    Chuck,
    I’ll bet that poor wienie dog has witnessed more sexual perversion than that kid has. I’m also betting this pic was taken right after Glazer went down on that dirty blonde! Poor pooch! Hes the one that deserve sympathy!

  25. Robertoe says:

    I’ll bet you guys didn’t know Craig’s wienie dog can talk!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/66193597@N06/6264221162/in/photostream

  26. Maureen says:

    This Takes The Cake
    Look, so you and I are not together nor will be, alright. Why must you write about something so personal? One I am not OK with it, you still think you are 25 and in LA I guess. Is this the ‘rock star’ life, I’m sorry ‘movie star’ life? Craig, you are a pretty decent man, isn’t it fucking time you STOP. Find a really decent lady, if you still can, and make a life for yourself and a family. The only that saves you with me Craig is your love for that little dog. When we dated I saw how much you cared for junior, it was a bit touching. Put that emotion on to a human being, not just a dog. Maybe you can’t anymore, not too sure. Do you really still want THREESOMES? We have all had wild nights, but you seem to live for them. Is that your goal? Why? Hey just a girl with a thought or two. At least I can do that. Good hunting. Oh yeah and that new car, well maybe more ‘quality woman’ huh. No I am not jealous.

  27. Westport Lover says:

    Got The OK From Johnny Dare!
    So Dare gave the Lotus the thumbs up. Heard it this morning. Sounds really cool, have fun, and be safe. Don’t take too many wild girls out in it, likely has no room for them anyways. Hope your pooch likes it.

  28. Jessie says:

    I Want A Hottie
    Hey next time we go out, get me a hot baby girl too. Between 21 and 30, must be white though. Fun times. Try it with me, you will be glad you did. Do not post photos of me I don’t aprove though.

  29. harley says:

    maureen….what?
    Maureen….i thought you were the one who scarfed down the lobster then got scarfed herself. His description fits you. From the
    writing by glaze i thought the two girls were mermaid and maureen….sorry….mixed signals.

  30. harley says:

    Maureen: “when we dated i saw how much you cared
    for junior…it was a bit touching”…
    are you serious? gotta be kidding? No way~ come on gang…please…i’m laughing so hard i can’t breathe

  31. Black Barbie says:

    No Big Deal
    I got you at least three girls for me in less than a year. What did I get. Nothing. I don’t want no food, I want a car bitch. Bet that dark girl was not in my high spot. Dumb bitch ass girls. Lobster, so what, you can keep all that Craig, cheap as whores.

  32. KU Forever says:

    Hey What About Them Watching Football
    Guess they had no interest in your picks huh? Funny story, sad tale.

  33. Skeptic says:

    “She drove a Range Rover so she seemed normal.” Only in your f*cked up world.

  34. Hollister says:

    This is just gross and sad, especially for the teenage boy who is undoubtedly effed up from his mother’s behavior. So Craig agrees to a threesome before he even sees the third party, then agrees to proceed at first, just telling the child to wait outside? You didn’t have them leave until he came back in the house. Had he waited outside, you would have continued. Sick and disgusting. And possibly criminal behavior.

    There is something to be said for having even just a few morals.

  35. HARLEY says:

    “SON…GO WAIT IN THE CAR WHILE I
    have sex with your mom and her friend who ripped me off for 2 lobsters and some bisque soup. And if you’re really
    good I’ll show you how to pick up hotties in stripper bars. If you’re even better I’ll show you how to beat the bookies
    in vegas with my highly successful betting system. Oh…one more thing…don’t turn the car on if its parked in the
    garage son…could really cause problems….be quiet…junior ate some bad food and his stomach is quesy and we
    dont’ want to wake him up…”
    hahahahahahahaha

  36. Can't say says:

    Thanks for confirming
    AGAIN. WITHOUT CASH U R NOTHING!!!!!!

  37. Davis says:

    The more comments
    Mr. Glazer Gets good or bad the better off K C CONFIDENTIAL is and Mr. Glazer is. DUH. BABETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAE PAMMYYYYYY PARTY TIMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. Under-Dog says:

    Problems
    Why not go out with a girl who is normal, why the crazies? You are as crazy as them for spending your money and time with these broads.

  39. Big Dave says:

    Glaze Don’t Get Any Screwy Ideas From Above Stories
    Don’t let Harley or Can’t Say make you go over the edge. Me and Chuck need you for our escape. Stay here.

  40. Can't say says:

    DAVIS YOU ARE RIGHT!!!
    Why do you think he invented this story? I mean come on…. You think its just a coincidence this happened to him just days after I busted his chops over declining numbers???? Then all of a sudden a sex story. Heck if this was CSI and the ratings were declining we could expect as Justin Beiber appearance. Craig’s numbers go down and SURPRISE a threesome story. Folks wake up and smell the coffee.

  41. Hearne Christopher says:

    Clue in, oh mighty mindreader…

    Craig told me this story after it happened and talked about it on radio last week. I was the one who suggested he put it into words for a change up from death and sports

  42. Can't say says:

    Then I owe him and you
    and apology. I’m sorry. Please now call me clueless.

    Of course as you say………..you told him to write about it to swing up readers….but even at that…….just good business sense. GOOD JOB!!!

    Won’t comment for a few days/ Busy cleaning the egg off my face.

  43. Hearne Christopher says:

    You’re cool, but try not to put words in my mouth. I asked him for a change up because I thought it was an odd story and would provide a break. Not to gin up comments. Our readersip is about 10,000 uniques a day, regardless.

    Comments are what they are. Most readers never comment.

  44. Bad Ass jew, Berkowitz says:

    True That Hearne
    Yeah.

  45. Cool Tool says:

    I Want Tickets
    Glaze can I get two tickets for Jon Reep Tonight? If I call your place and say its me from the comments? Please. Either show. Thank you.

  46. PB says:

    Not Exactly Penthouse Forum Material
    But it beats your football posts. Lame finish though, do the rooms in your house not have doors? That kid is his mom’s issue, not your’s. You knocking it out couldn’t have made things any worse for him than they already are. The trauma for that kid was the having to be a part of that whole sleazy scene, the act is already implied at that point, why not see it through?! I’m kind of disappointed in you Craig…with this story, are you now trying to pass yourself as some sort of compassionate man-whore? Weak.

  47. T says:

    Classic Craig
    He couldn’t make this shit up if he tried. xoxo

  48. Monkey Man says:

    Yes Weak
    Man if that was a hot sister, I don’t give a damn who brought her, she is done. A blonde with her, uhm, uhm. Now you talkin.

  49. Craig Glazer says:

    T Is Correct
    No all these stories are true, no need to make anything up. T you are such a good girl. I should hang out with you more often. She is pretty, smart and kind…what is wrong with me? Good catch.

  50. Toby says:

    Give credit where its dude
    This stuff is comic genius. Really I don’t know why people are debating the truthfulness of this whole thing, because you really can’t make this stuff up. You’ve got a guy trying to describe what must sound to him like an incredibly erotic series of events, when in reality it’s something out of a nightmare. An aging hairy dude and a pair of stripper-types start peeling off their clothes while a castaway teenager lurks in the shadows. Range rovers, lobster, tequila shots on the Plaza. Just brilliant stuff. It’s self parody at its most prosaic, yet Glazer types it all out with a straight face. Only one complaint — I wanted the kid to be an actual gremlin. Would have pushed the whole story into a new bizarre realm, perhaps all the way over the top. More, please.

  51. PB says:

    Gremlins?
    “Only one complaint — I wanted the kid to be an actual gremlin. Would have pushed the whole story into a new bizarre realm, perhaps all the way over the top.” – Toby

    No kidding. In my best internet William Shatner voice…

    There…is…SOMETHING……..in….the….HALLL!

  52. Shamara says:

    Sick Dog
    Get it, Sick Dog, funny. What are you doing Craig. Jesus. Hey Craig isn’t THAT hairy I should know. Craig take a few good photos of you and post them, that might quiet the loud herd. Still in Ozark area, sucks, want to move back. Might this winter. See ya.

  53. Bob mcintosh says:

    yes he is a
    sick dog. And Shamara the fact that you want to hook up with him some more shows your morals. May God forgive you two heathens.

  54. Ergomyego says:

    You are a german sack (a deutsch bag)
    Mr. Glazer. You are scum, you have been scum for many years and I have no doubt you will remain scum. You have to pay women to have sex with you, and while you may think I am “jelly”, I am not. Women will “do me” for free.

    I’m sorry you have chosen not to grow up, to ruin your life and your family’s name and I am sure Stan is proud to have raised such an ass hat for a son.

    I’m sorry to comment negatively, but I stumbled upon your post and found you to be the same as you always were. I thought you may have learned a few lessons, but obviously not.

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