Ahoy there, maties…
Loosen those barnacles and gather round while I tell a see-faring tale about Trader Joe’s ongoing aventures along the shores of Leawood. That upscale local burb famous for its proud stewardship of the color beige, wood shingle roofs and other eye-pleasing aesthetics.
Both Trader Joe’s in Leawood and Ward Parkway Center opened this past July.
But unlike its shipmates on the MU side of State Line, TJ’s Leawood landlubbers were trapped off base on two counts.
For starters, there’s no parking for TJ’s 70 shipmates at the trendy new One Nineteen center, and the sea dogs must park at other nearby centers, then be ferried over by by RED Development land schooners that run every 10 minutes on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays.
That’s because parking is tight at One Nineteen, and with new businesses about to open it’s not gonna get any better.
"When this property fills up, it’s going to be a nightmare," says Trader Joe’s first mate Jerry Arns.
Problem No. 2 involves a controversy over an imaginary Leawood law prohibiting shopping cart corrals
According to numerous Trader Joe’s staffers, Leawood doesn’t allow the corrals in parking lots anymore because they’re unsightly. However, Hen House to the north in Camelot Court has them as the store was supposedly "grandfathered in."
But avast now hearties, because that nare be true, says Richard Coleman, Leawood’s director of community development.
"There’s not an ordinance preventing it," Coleman says. "They (just) haven’t made a formal request to make a revision to their development plan. We don’t have a problem with it, they just need to make an application and they haven’t."
Best set sail soon before too many of those bright red TJ shopping carts sail into the sides of the many Mercedes and Jaguar cars overflowing Trader Joe’s sardine tight parking lot.
"We’re on a 15 degree, downhill grade," Arns says. "So if someone leaves a cart up by Sullivan’s, by the time it gets to our building it’s probably going to be going 10 miles-per-hour."
Stay tuned…
HEARNE NEWS ALERT
In case you missed it. The Enquirer is reporting Rick Perry’s involvement in the KKK. Casey Anthony is going to go to a mental hospital. And aliens are taking over LA.
In other news this article made me hungry for Long John Silvers. Ahoy maties….
How could you think I missed those stories since I just told you I subscribed to the Enquirer, Dr. Bose?
Now let’s look a little closer (and see if you bothered to)…
The Perry story doesn’t address Perry’s “involvement” with the KKK, but rather states that he has ties to a nut ball Christian activist woman who’s grandfather was IN the KKK. MSNBC and other legit news orgs have also pointed out radical religious figures that attended Perry’s prayer rally a couple months back.Figures that could make him look bad.
In other words, they reported this very carefully as I’ve often seen them do.
If you’d bothered to read the Casey Anthony story, you’d probably have caught the opening sentence:
“Monster Mom Casey Anthony’s friends fear she is heading to a mental ward, cracking up under the stress of being America’s most hated woman, insiders revealed to the Enquirer.”
So for starters, they are not reporting what you claim above, but rather stating her friends “fear” she might. Plus they attributed it – as they should have – to sources.
Don’t have time to run down the “aliens” for you now, but maybe you can re-read it and make sure they’re not illegal aliens or it’s not tongue in cheek or sourced to a third party.
“Casey Anthony’s friends”
Yeah right
Trader Joe’s
Problem #3: Kansas’ archaic liquor laws that prevent us from picking up Two Buck Chuck along with our TJ’s snacks. Why do I live here, again?
Naut Funny
TJ’s in Leawood is still the primo place to be on the lookout for Land Ho’s and Butt Pirates matey! So if your looking to swallow a sword, bury your dagger, trim some sails or swab a poop deck you can’t go wrong with Trader Joe’s!
Come on, Merele. Thinkwhat you will of what she did and/or didn’t do.
You don’t think she lived her entire life w/o making any friends?
Two Buck Chuck actually sells for $1.99 in Tucson’s Trader Joe’s and is decent. The wine, I mean.
Here it’s $2.99 (down from $3.99 initially, as I recall). haven’t tried it.
On principle. Why kid ourselves? Just call it Three Buck Chuck and let’s call it a day.
Raw Talent
Smartman… That was a top two or three post of yours…. ever…. and that is saying something.
If You Build It…..They Will Come……Well Maybe
So the great city of Leawood has a mess at a shopping center? Well gee let
smartman.
Heh, heh… 🙂
HOPE THOSE SHOPPING CARTS DONT DAMAGE
the cars of those swingers that hang out at the steak house on thursday nights. Place the keys on
the one side of your drink and that means you’re ready to party. It’s one huge planning meeting
for men and women from the subdivisions to exchange/swap partners…come on out glaze and see…
the best writers on this site are not
glaze or hearne…the best writers are smartman (some of the funniest/most creative comments ever)…..super dave….and rick…
heanre should add these guys as regulars because they have some of the funniest writings anywhere on the web.
Good work guys!
Hearne u took that
bait, hook and all. No I didn’t read it. Just telling u what was on the headlines in the grocery line. Yes I know you subscribe…duh….why do you think I brought it up? Yes I know that their cover titles are not accurate and are designed to titillate and get you to buy the rag. The you read it and find out the “real story”. And if your memory serves you correctly you’ll realize that’s the whole point of my original thought. Folks don’t buy the Enquirer for there accuracy. THANKS for confirming that point.
Think about that logic. Perry speaks at an event and he’s then becomes associated with some of the attendees just because they came to hear him talk. Or because of the “Freakin” grandfather of some chick he knows he is associated with the KKK. gee Hearne would you want people to judge you or write about your association based solely on who comments on this site. Or maybe make a connection between you and a say Nazi war criminal in Jack’s past. Silly and ridiculous. And not news caliber.
KC STAR-Hearne involved in Baby KIDNAPPING!!!!” Then we read the inside story and we find out you once spoke to the mother at the grocery store and that is your involvement. Great journalism there….
As far as Casey. You mean they attributed the information to unnamed sources. Kind of like the unnamed sources that stated you were setting up a feud between you and the departed Tracy????
Check out the words satire and or parody.
thanks harley
for the kind words
Yes Thanks Harley
I just say it as I see it.
No bait taken, just clarifying for readers
And actually I do think people take the Enquirer for it’s accuracy. Unlike most US tabs I’ve seen.