Car: Humble Scribe Poised to Purchase Sex Machine aka 2011 Lotus Evora

Don’t look now but everyone’s favorite "humble scribe" is about to go James Bond

Stanford’s comedy club main man Craig Glazer almost pulled the trigger on trading his  Porsche for a red hot new, red Lotus Evora sports car earlier this year, but the deal fell through. However the game is back afoot and Glazer’s a phone call away from flat-bedding in a sleek black Evora from St. Louis Motorsports.

"I like it a lot, it drives great and handles a step up from my Porsche because it’s smaller and lower to the ground," Glazer says. "I think speed-wise it’s about the same. The top speed is like 170."

Glazer test drove the Evora yesterday in St. Louis and has an offer on the table.

What the scribe likes most about the Evora?

"This car is 007, Daniel Craig today," Glazer says. "It’s like a mini Ferrari – but more like the older Ferarris – and it’s younger and hipper than Lamborghini and Ferrari."

Oh yeah, there’s something Glazer would like to make perfectly clear:

"You know how people say if you get those cars or a Corvette, that you have a smaller dick? That’s just jealousy. I think the Evora is as sexy as any car out there and possibly is the sexiest. But I think those other cars like Lamborghini and Ferrari make a different statement – that you’re super rich. But it’s not about dick measuring."

Without question the Evora is a sex machine, but will it accomodate actual sex?

"Oh yeah," Glazer laughs. "I was able to do it in my Ferrari and that wasn’t much bigger. I don’t know that that would be a goal of mine though.  I think it’s big enough but I don’t think it would be very comfortable. I mean, it’s fairly comfortable for a race car, but most of the sex I’ve had in cars was probably in high school when I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

"Would I ever do it? I suppose, but it’s not something I’m looking forward to trying. I’ve never really been a guy who wanted to have sex in a car – it’s kind of like having sex in an airplane bathroom."

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36 Responses to Car: Humble Scribe Poised to Purchase Sex Machine aka 2011 Lotus Evora

  1. Taco Time says:

    Smokin
    Give me a ride Glaze. Looks very nice. Hell why not? Right.

  2. smartman says:

    Race ya’ for Pinks
    Buying an Ariel Atom. Will be delivered in March of 2012. 0-60 in 2.9 seconds.

  3. chuck says:

    My dick is so big, it has an elevator and a waiting room.
    I looked the other day, and the goddamn thing is growin gills!

    I have to put it on furniture casters to sit on the couch.

    Yet, I drive a 1992 Plymouth Voyager.

  4. balboni's moleskine says:

    glaze almost bought a car—-not a story
    this is not news

    or entertainment

    or really anything

    All I want to know is when the Chin is going to upgrade to the Abarth 500.

  5. chuck says:

    Dean Martin’s Amore, revisited.
    You’ll have sex in the car, and be Harley’s big star, its Evora,

    Your pulled over and stopped, while your pants are still dropped, thats Evora.

    Hearne won’t bail you out, cause of cash he’s fresh out, fuck that Evora,

    Now the re sale is shit and I sure wanna quit this Evora,

    Tringa ling a ling, lawyers go cha ching cha ching thats Evora,

    When ya walk in a dream, and ya know your not dreamin Senyoray,

    Your account’s emptied out and ya just wanna shout, “Fuck that Evora!!”

  6. Yawn says:

    Yawn
    Yawn

  7. Robertoe says:

    Prediction
    This whole societal game is changing fast and ugly. Its going to get alot uglier. This ain’t the snazzy car era of our youth. By next year you aren’t gonna want to be flaunting your wealth. In fact you’ll look real stupid if you do so. Focus on mundane MPGs not MPH. Pull the offer. Bad timing.

  8. bschloz says:

    Congrats Glaze / Evora
    “You know how people say if you get those cars or a Corvette, that you have a smaller dick?”
    Only Black Barbie knows for sure…and Mermaid, and Chocolate Becky, and the 2 college chicks at The Classic Cup, the chick in LA that you took to the orgy, Sandra Bergman , The Kansas City Roller Derby Warriors, and the graduating class of St.Teresa’s academy 1971

    …don’t think Ralphie will be be able to fit..he’s going to have to meet you at the station.

    @Chuck LOL @Robetoe..your probably right ..but Glaze gonna be Glaze man.

  9. Craig Glazer says:

    Don’t Get It? Why The Wrong Time?
    You mean the economy? Gas? What?

  10. bschloz says:

    Thats Evora
    Wrong Time….many people feel we are on the front end of a recession. Some would say we never really recovered from the original.
    Everything is stalling out…we now have young Americans in the streets claiming to part of a 99% that has been exploited by the elite 1%.
    While they haven’t been able to produce a truly cogent message …I think this pretty well sums up the message
    http://tinyurl.com/3mbdpyc
    This movement is growing legs and soon the media will have to deal with it. Really sad time in the Country.
    I think it has something to do with eating our peas.

    .

  11. Hearne Christopher says:

    Back at ya!

  12. Hearne Christopher says:

    That’s my plan, Robertoe.

    Prius 50 mpgs and Fiat 37 mpgs.

  13. chuck says:

    Dead on bschloz
    Dead on.

  14. randyraley says:

    Nice…
    …but I’ll keep my 49 mpg Chevy Eco with the manual tranny. At 65, I can get 52 mpg’s out of it. Really sharp car.
    Different strokes for different folks I guess.

  15. smartman says:

    True Story
    A Cowboy an Indian and a Liberal are having a conversation in a bar. The Indian says, “Once we were many, now we are few”. The Liberal says, “Once we were few, but now we are many”. The Cowboy says, “Well, we ain’t played Cowboys and Liberals yet!”

    Fuck all these commies and their sponsors; George Soros, moveon.org, SEIU, DNC, UAW, NEA, etc, blah, mooley-mooley.

    I’ll show you some social justice from my .50 caliber at 2000 yards. I’ll even pony up the extra money for tracer rounds so you can get out of the way.

    This country wasn’t built by people who pissed and moaned. It was built by people that scratched and clawed and fought and died for what they believed in. Just let me know if I’m supposed to fire the first shot or the second.

  16. chuck says:

    I remember tracer rounds.
    They work both ways buddy.

    Fuck it Glaze, but the fuckin car.

    Jeeze, you don’t need permission.

    Besides, we wanna hear some stories after you get it.

    🙂

  17. Robertoe says:

    Not the time to flaunt your wealth or horsepower
    CG: “DON’T GET IT? WHY THE WRONG TIME? You mean the economy? Gas? What?”

    Our whole life we’ve seen recessions that last a few years and we always rebound back out of them. This one is different.

    We won’t be bouncing back outa this one until the debt slate gets wiped clean. All this massive debt is coming tumbling down. In the past we could grow out of the slowdowns. Its not happening this time and its not going to happen The societal reset button is getting hit. We can’t grow the economy (globally or in the U.S.) into triple digit oil prices and flat- soon to be declining- oil supplies. Gasoline is going north of $7/ gal- due in part to our shitty dollar printing policies and in part to forthcoming geologic depletion. What really matters is giant -+500,000 bl/d- and super giant oil fields -+1,000,0000 bls/d- The average age on these is < 55 years. They're starting to deplete. Odds are also good that Saudi Arabia could catch a big case of the Arab Spring fever. (riots in the oil producing eastern province this week. no free press there. We really dont know whats going on) The world economy is way too dependent on those Wahhabi assholes. OPEC will make $1 trillion dollars this year. Our economy is on its ass because so much of our wealth flows overseas for oil and oilwars (& to China). It no longer 'mutiplier effects' here. And as oil supplies peak and start depeltion mode, it'll get worse. I've spent +30 years in the oil business. Worked for the Koch Bros. Midcontinent Marketing Manager in their Refining Division. "The Dangerous Deficiency of Oil Economics" http://oilisnotwell.wordpress.com/2008/06/10/the-dangerous-deficiency-of-oil-economics-published-as-a-guest-oped-61008/

    The fuse is getting lit. Things are gonna blow. And Smartman might be right about arming up. Wars and violence usually follow bad depressions and this one looks like it might be class warfare mode. And you want to drive around and flaunt it in this Lotus? Ha! Good luck! You’ll need it. I’m glad you’ve been pondering your mortality of late!

    Let’s revisit my prediction here next summer.

  18. Nothing beats a v8 says:

    Euro crap
    Your right this car doesn’t scream small dick.. It screams look at me my mid life crisis isn’t over after my porshe and the only way I can boost my self esteem is flaunt my property

    enjoy

  19. Hearne Christopher says:

    I think Craig has a little dividend for you guys tomo

  20. Hearne Christopher says:

    It’s a sixer

  21. mermaid says:

    Glad it makes you happy Craig..
    But it won’t and it screams shallow and no confidence. I would rather have sex in a red Ford than a black Lotus if the lovin is good. Just sayin!

  22. harley says:

    ROBERTO…YOU’RE 18 MONTHS TOO LATE…
    check my posts from a year ago…i mentioned that the country was about to face a huge economic crisis.
    Heard boehner say we will print enough money to keep the country afloat. But the problme is bigger than
    that.
    The inequities of income have made the entire economy non self sufficent.
    I talked about a massive shift in the population against the wealthy
    I spoke of the cming revolution …that it was closer than we thought. That the govbernment had been taken
    over by the rich and the specia linterests with no regard for the rest of the 99% of america.
    Its going to come…and once the occupy wall street understand that their cause is so similar to the
    tea party then the entire revolution takes effect.
    Its coming…onlyu it will spread across the globe…..the rich and powerful are now on the verge of
    extinction…they are under attack and once americans realize that the politicians have stayed in power because
    of their ability to divide this nation they will rise up.
    Its coming…i said it over a year/18 months ago.
    Glaze…enjoy your new car…because when the shit hits you’re going to lose veverything having to start over
    again.
    Harley is right again…look at my predictions…i’m more on target than glaze will ever be. Not on some inconsequential
    footbal games but on the huge shift taking place across the globe.
    Roberto….we have more oil than we need…we have the ability to draw more oil….and when obama talked about
    alternative energy the politicians and special interests said it won’t work…now it has to…or our entire society will
    be going down.
    In september 2008 the politicians saw the near collapse of the entire social/economic fabric of the american and
    world economy and they failed to adapt to meet the future problems…
    the tsunami is coming…but will america rise up to face it and beat it….this is more important to our
    survival than world war 1/2….don’t deny it…its coming.
    I was right!

  23. BarKeeper says:

    Dealers Don’t Lose
    Hey, King of Swing:
    If you’re trading in the Porsche, you can bet your Apollo hair weave they are skinning you alive on its trade-in value. These guys cut their teeth on gutting mooches who offer up their current rides in trade for exotic cars. If you’re making this trade, you’re sacrificing the German car at the lowest wholesale price point known to modern man.

    Grandpa Bennie would spin in his grave if he knew you were going to take this huge ass stabbing these St. Louis “pals” of yours are getting ready to administer. Plus the damn thing is going to be mistaken for a Mitsubishi Eclipse most of the time anyway.

    Check out the Nissan Cube, it fits your overall demeanor much better.

  24. Hearne Christopher says:

    Hey barkeep,

    I’ve seen the Evora up close and in person and trust me; the only people who are gonna come even close to mistaking it for a Mitsu are Cube drivers

  25. Robertoe says:

    Finally! A mainstream media article that ‘gets it’.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/post/defining-peak-oil/2011/10/06/gIQABuLgQL_blog.html

    Peak oil doesn’t fucking mean we are gonna run out of oil, but it does mean its gonna whack the snot outa the economy AND WE ARE THERE!

    “… peak oil is best defined as the point at which

  26. mermaid says:

    Nice try Robertoe!
    Robertoe you don’t drive a red Ford so don’t flatter yourself! I forgot to include a black Mercedes would work fine as well! Actually I don’t make love in cars but a car won’t get me in the bedroom – the man will!

  27. hearne says:

    Actually, Hubbert’s Peak will occur when…
    “we’ve used half the oil nature made for us…When the peak occurs , increasing demand will meet decreasing supply, possibly with disastrous results…Given that worldwide demand will continue to increase as it has for well over a century, Hubbert’s followers expect the crisis to occur when the peak is reached, rather than when the last drop is pumped. In other words, we will be in trouble when we’ve used up half the oil that existed, not all of it.”

  28. Robertoe says:

    Warning! rant alert!
    Spot on – both Mermaid and Hearne.

    Debbie, If you play your cards right, you might get another ride in my Ford. 🙂

    Good luck with all you’re going through, girl!

    Hearne, Yeah I think that definition and the Wash Post article are both correct and intertwined. In other words the halfway point evokes a lack of spare capacity, sky high prices (as economies try and keep growing) and financial chaos. We’re there.

    Here’s whats Crazy with a capital C. With all these academics, PhDs, financial analysts and talking heads and this oil halfway point calamity isn’t even on an economist’s radar screen. They incorrectly deemed oil expendable and replaceable. Its no more important than any other import variable to them and THEY’RE FUCKING WRONG. Cheap oil spawned our prosperity, not their fucking monetary policies. When was that oil halfway point for the U.S? 1970. Or another way to phrase it is we’ve pissed away half of our +100 million year hydrocarbon legacy into sub=$3/bl economics. Now we’re going import it from our adversaries for $150/bl? Expensive fucking economic miscalculation!

    Don’t get me started. I’m sure this crew would rather read about Woodside pussy but here’s some food for societal meltdown thought:

    PEAK OIL

  29. Downtown Davey says:

    Frankly My Dear I Don’t Give A Damn
    First let me say, hey if they guy wants that car, fine, its his money, his life. I find the car very interesting. Yeah if you are the one and only new Lotus in town, kinda cool. But does it effect my world, no. Do I care, not really. Am I mad at Glazer cause he is using too much gas? Hey if he didn’t somebody else would,right? Mermaid I guess you and your old boyfriend Robert had some problems. Again not my business. I am truly sorry for your family troubles hope it goes well. In the meantime, I don’t even like NASCAR.

  30. Black Barbie says:

    You Better Take Me Out In That Car Craig
    You spending money on that car and not me. Well thats just no good for anyone Craig. What happened to our date? I want to go out in that new ride. I see its black, guess you know whats good for your ass, huh.

  31. chuck says:

    Robertoe
    What about all the shale oil reserves and our increasing ability to refine it in sutu?

    No being a smartass, I am just askin, cause you sound like you might know.

    I have read some very optomistic estimates over the last couple of years, which claim that we will be in great shape with coming technology.

    At one point I read up on it, and of course, have since Alzheimered out and forgot everything.

  32. Hearne says:

    Actually, I steered Craig towards good gas mileage…
    For an exotic sports car. It gets 20 City and 27 Highway.

  33. Robertoe says:

    shale oil
    Chuck, the only ‘in situ’ shale oil projects being considered are in Western Colo. Exxon and Union Oil spent gajillions there in the 70s to no avail – so in other words they’ve been trying to figure how to make it work for +50 years. Shell has some in situ fools game they act like they’re gearing up for. One doesn’t have to be any sort of engineer to see this folly is a net energy loser:

    Shell’s Shale Plans…? (or Why I Am an Oil Shale Skeptic)
    http://www.theoildrum.com/node/3969
    (Robert Rapier, the author, is a buddy of mine)

    Give me a freaking break. Plant rods and heat em for 2 to 3 years! Concurrently cryogenicky freeze a zone around it! This is the best they could do after 50 years of scheming? They must expect some sort of gov subsidy because it won’t net energy contribute squat.

    Don’t drink the major oil coolaid. They’re message was and is ‘There’s decades of reserves! Buy those SUVs Americans. Piss it away! There’s no climate change. The Saudis are our friends! Don’t worry! Be happy!” Then we are going to find ourselves way too dependent on bigass vehicles and boom! gasoline prices and oil producers profits will moon shot.

    If you want the straight scoop on whats really going on with petroleum use the search box at http://www.theoildrum.com! I also blog about this hubristic end game at http://www.oilisnotwell.com when I feel like it.

    Of course there’s another shale oil play in North Dakota called Bakken. It is truly the biggest U.S. oil development since Prudhoe Bay. They’re drilling down 12,000 feet and then horizontal another 8,000 ft (on average) for wells that are producing 2,800 bls/d (average). Here’s a good graphic on what Bakken has done for us:

    http://www.theoildrum.com/files/us-crude-oil-with-nd-mt.png
    (the blue area)

    Buy a VW TDI and a bicycle Craig, and invest the balance into Stat Oil (Norwegian) or Petrobras (Brazil) stock. You’re welcome.

  34. T says:

    Got a better idea…
    I vote Craig gets a Dolorean since we all have an opinion here. xoxo

  35. chuck says:

    Ok, thanks
    But really, you see no hope (I havn’t checked your refs yet, I will, just had a bad day with the NFL, and I am goin out of town.) for the shale oil prospects in the US?

    I WILL look at all your refs, but I am interested in an optomistic take on energy.

    Hope and hard work, all that shit, you know…

  36. Rogger says:

    The Lotus
    This vehicle looks like a west coast kit car.

    Probably built on a 70’s Maverick chassis with a Renault diesel under the bonnet. The first time you get some lifter noise, you’ll have to wag it all the way back to St. Louie and sit in the waiting room reading old copies of Motor Trend that the last guy sneezed on.

    Go look at the BBB website for your “dealer” in St. Louis. They can barely accomplish an oil change without making somebody unhappy.

    Better yet, have Hearne take you out to the femmy Fiat Boutique at Olathe Dodge and see if you can fit into an underpowered Italian copy of the Mini. He might split the bird dog fee with you.

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