Hearne: Don’t Look Now but KC Confidential has a New Sports Columnist

It’s like this…

Things are about to get a lot more sporty at KC Confidential. You asked for it and now you’re about to get it receive. Starting this Monday – and every Monday, Wednesday and Friday – KCC will sally forth with a blazingly hot, new sports columnist. One who even knows how to spell and has a rudimentary command of the King’s English.

A dude who’s passionate about sports and will bring both a knife and an edge to the gunfight otherwise known as the "comments section." Some of you may remember him from the Pitch. And no, it’s not C.J. I’m talking a different kinda dude.

And not Charles Ferruzza either.

I won’t bore you with the details until I can unleash a full bio but, suffice it to say sports is back.

The $64 million question: Will KCC pick up where we left off in June by burning down KC’s sports media gossip scene?

Good question – wait and see – but in  a perfect world, nobody is safe.

It’s been a long, hot, bitterly cruel summer for local sporty types. Not counting the touchdown dancing fans of Matt Donnelly and Sporting Kansas City. Other than a few ginned up slap fights between WHB and 610 Sports designed to pass the time, how much did we really miss? OK, OK, the demise of the Big 12, but that game’s still afoot.

I know many of you have had your fill of being told how bad the Royals and Chiefs suck.

Not that you can expect a complete respite, given the circumstances. But get ready to mothball your Beer Pong game because here we come…

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28 Responses to Hearne: Don’t Look Now but KC Confidential has a New Sports Columnist

  1. Rick says:

    AWESOME
    *So Tracy Thomas is coming back????

    Should there be a word inserted “have had your ______ being told how bad” Or was that designed for us to fill in the blank by an ingenuous writer?

  2. Rick says:

    PS I love
    Superman…who we all know was a reporter also.

  3. chuck says:

    Clark Glass, Clark Hunt, Clark Kent
    You can get arrested strippin down and changing clothes in a phone booth.

    One thing these Clarks won’t have to worry about, is any change falling out of their pockets.

    I remember hearing about Lamar Hunt buying his shoes at estate sales and driving a 15 year old Chevy Nova (Not a cool 396 all tricked out, just a fuckin 6 banger with bench seats.) because he said “Automobiles are the worst possible investment you can ever make.”

    The Apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.

    Clark Glass probably thinks having a back up free safety is the worst possible investment that you could ever make too, so we have Jon McGraw’s 5.6 40 time workin against Calvin Johnson and saving 32 million bucks under the cap.

    Ouch!

    In other news, the Royals have won 7 straight and Clark Glass is going to shed some payroll this winter.

  4. Hearne says:

    All I’ll say right now is that…
    Look for him to leap local sports icons in a single bound

  5. Merle Tagladucci says:

    re: Hearne Christopher Jr.
    Sep 17, 2011

    I know many of you have had your fill of being told how bad the Royals and Chiefs suck.

    ************************************************************************************************

    Funny how every team that plays the Royals either has a player or manager who tweets about how impressed they are with the new Royals but you never hear about those interesting tidbits on KCC. Hopefully this new sports writer you’re trumpeting is dialed in to social media with the rest of the world.

    Kansas City is on the verge of transitioning from a football town back to a baseball town. Bubba Starling signing a contract caused a bigger stir than anything the Chiefs will do this year. See the ball…

  6. rick says:

    Lamar Hunt cheap?
    is it possible Hearne is an illegitimate child of the hunts?

  7. chuck says:

    I wanna Jimmy Olsen Signal Watch
    That emits a high frequency sound that only Glaze or the new Sports guy can hear.

    It will sound whenever I start to think my home town teams are going to do well.

    Glaze and the news sports guy will hear the transmission, can whip out columns, maybe, in a pinch, just repost, for all of us, old columns and the dire warnings and prognostications that were given in the past, for the local teams, so that we Pollyanna’s don’t get carried away.

    Is that Journey? Don’t Stop Believing?

    “TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!!!”

  8. chuck says:

    Sing it everyone, to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillys!!
    Come listen to my story bout a gambler named Glaze,

    Just came back from Vegas, “Damn that shit sure pays!”

    Then one day, he was pushin teaser bets,

    I didn’t listen to him, and I sure got some regrets.

    Bet the Chiefs, I did.

    Liked the spread,

    Lost some bread,

    Wife says I’m dead.

    Well first thing ya know, ole Glaze is a thousandaire,

    cHUCK said to Glaze, “How’d ya get to there?”

    Glaze said, “cHUCK, never bet the Chiefs!”

    But I ponied up some cash, and hoped to beat the Grief.

    Bet the Chiefs I did,

    Liked the spread,

    Lost some bread,

    Wife says I’m dead.

    Now I’m hittin it hard and heavy, Sunday all day long.

    If the Chiefs Beat Detroit, I’ll surely finish strong,

    If they lose again, Glaze will say to me,

    “Power of Attorney, I need your property.”

    Bet the Chiefs I did,

    Liked the spread,

    Lost some bread,

    Wife says I’m dead.

  9. Craig Glazer says:

    Very Funny Chuck Good Work
    Thanks Chuck, I’ll sing that on Johnny Dare this week, for real, very funny.

  10. chuck says:

    🙂
    🙂

  11. Wright says:

    Right on Hearne
    Right on Hearne, this is great news. I hope it all works out perfect, for you, for us, for everyone… live and learn and keep on keeping on. I dont know what your long term goals are, but as I said 2-3 years ago, it would be awesome to see you pick and take over where the KCStar seems to be throwing in the towel…(I have grown to despise those out of town owner pieces of crap) The way they treat the Star is stupid…… oh well…. it is what it is…

    go hearne go…YOU CAN DO IT!!!! WE HAVE THE FAITH!!!!

  12. Orphan of the Road says:

    Damn it Chuck!
    Now Glaze will make another million off your song. Next time email me first that way you will hold the copyright. Now Hearne will be having Shay sing it at Jardine’s.

    Once heard a rap version of Big Bad John, Chuck I swear you’d be wearin’ saggy pants if you heard it. Kinda cross of rap and reggae.

    You think you’ve got the blues with the home team, my Temple Owls haven’t beaten Penn State since JoPa was 14-years-old. After today I whant a Cherry and White rope to hang myself.

    Maybe tomorrow the football gods have Stafford hit his finger on a Chiefs helmet and go out. And Suh get thrown out on the first play for an violent illegal hit. And we squeak out a 10-3 victory. Those the gods wish to destroy, first they make mad.

    Story of my life.

  13. smartman says:

    Numero Cinco Sportso Chico?
    Let’s recap! Greg Hall was the first guy, then Craig comes in at number 2. Matthew covers soccer which is not a real sport so he doesn’t count. Kinda like the Karen Kornacki of KCC. Rick was in at number 3 before he went to TMZ. Number 4 Byron Leftwich, left which brings us to El Cinco?

    I’ll set the
    over/under at 54 days.

    Ladies, Place your bets! I’m layin’ a special prop bet at 37 days.

  14. Hearne says:

    Craig is no No. 2 and…
    To say that the World’s No. 1 sport “doesn’t count” speaks for itself. Hey, I like apple pie too but that doesn’t make every other dessert in the world meaningless. That’s like a checkers champ saying chess is for losers.

    My bet is that smartman the third will probably say the same thing about American football, once this country catches on and catches up.

  15. alex trebeck says:

    Former Pitch employee
    Who is Joe Tone?

  16. smartman says:

    CORRECTION
    Matthew covers MLS, which is not REAL SOCCER, so he doesn’t count.

    Good call Alex Trebek! Looking forward to Jersey Shore Jeopardy.

    ALEX: OK Situation choose a category please.

    SITCH: Safe Sex for $200.00 please Alex.

    ALEX: Safe Sex for $200.00…. You should wear one of these when banging Snookie?

    SITCH: What is a 2×4 across your ass so you don’t fall in?

    ALEX: NO….. anyone else?

    PAULIE D: What is a gas mask ’cause her cooch smells like Newark on trash day in July?

    ALEX: NO, sorry that’s incorrect

    ALEX: Anyone? Anyone?

  17. chuck says:

    Joe Tone was the best writer the Pitch ever fielded.
    Very talented guy, no one else was even close.

    Hearne, you should get Joe Tone to write in this room, it would be Reggie White to Green Bay.

    JMO

  18. Voice Of Reason says:

    Are You Putting Down Glazer?
    Hearne you might check his picks and calls on both the Chiefs and Royals. He is pretty sharp. So I’m not sure what you mean. I know Hall and Glazer both did sports stories in different ways. I read Hall sometimes, decent. Glazer goes way out on a limb, I like that.

  19. Voice Of Reason says:

    Might Check Glazer’s Picks On College Ball
    Your boy nearly went perfect on College. He was smart enough to tease Nebraska down, so that made his call cover the bets. Not sure Hall or many can do that. Will this new guy give us the games. Hope so, that is kinda fun to read and watch.

  20. Super Dave says:

    Check What?
    @ Yoice Of Reason Your boy nearly went perfect on College

    So did the boys in Vegas your point?

  21. chuck says:

    Brutal day for Bizz in KC
    When our local teams get killed like this…

    Bad for Bizz.

    What an ass kickin…

    The Clarks are killin us dead, and burnin the money on —– thats just it—-what the fuck you scum bags.

    Fuck the Clarks.

    Brutal.

    Gotta go to bed.

    KC is cursed.

  22. chuck says:

    Fuck the Clarks.
    What fuckin pussies.

    What fuckin penny pinchin, pecuniarily insousciant Richy Rich, smooth between the legs, like a fuckin Ken Doll cunts.

    The both of them HATE Kansas City, and ONLY care about the fuckin cash.

    32 Mill under the cap you fuckin pussy.

    This is WAY bad for KC BIZZ.

    Oh, thats right, Clark is from fuckin TEXAS!!

  23. chuck says:

    The Clarks
    are too b usy fuckin each other in thier Richy Rich asses to watch the games.

    Jesus, how embarrassing.

    BAD FOR KC BIZZ BIG TIME!!

    The Clarks wear adult diapers, because BOTH of the fucks have assholes, that are spread so wide from fuckin each other, that they shit extemporaneously.

    Well, KC can take heart, the CLARKs BOTH run very successful companies.

    God what fuckin pussies.

    What shameless fuckin pussies.

    This shit is VERY bad for KC Bizz.

    Kinda waitin for Harley to pen the Great American Novel.

    Brutal.

  24. James Joyce says:

    Hey Harley
    Did ya like the book?

  25. Ya know what Harley.....? says:

    I’m gonna pound your fuckin ass
    on an ongoing basis, not because you deserve any attention, but because people in KC need to kick a fuckin dog (metaphorically, I love my dog, and actually Harley’s dog too, and actually YOUR dog, much more than shitheels I meet on the street.).

    And Harley, Jo Jo, every fuckin time you post some steam of consciousness, Belton High School Drop Out Bullshit (Convoluted by way of your drug dealer’s ability to supply you with mood stabilizers) , I am gonna make it a point to look at every fuckin syllable, every fuckin danglin cunticiple, every fuckin bad pronoun reference (Which you dumb fuck, you love like Bo fuckin dumb ass fuckin Jackson, who can’t eat soup with out a fuckin manual.), every thing you fuckin say you fucktard because, KANSAS CITY NEEDS TO KICK SOMEONE’S ASS, and your such a fuck, you win.

    I shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t.

    But KC, and kcconfidential, needs to see SOMEONE from KC kick some ass, and you, you fuckin shit for brains, “don’t get paragraphs”, “I can’t type while I am jackin off to Jersy Shore”, “Mom did you do my laundry”, “I can’t type with both hands down my pants cause I can’t find my dick”, fucktard——YOU WIN.

    Nuttin personal.

    We, KC losers, need a victory, a small victory (Which kickin your ass on a daily basis, is DEFINITELY a small victory.), some place to start from.

    Your it, fucktard.

    Pony up.

  26. General Custer says:

    Hey Harley, what about all those fuckin Indians???
    “Hurry, back, bring the packs/”

  27. chuck says:

    Harley, as The Titanic’s Captain Smith
    BOTSWAIN: “Captain Harley, is that an Iceberg?”

    CAPTAIN HARLEY: “Yeah its an iceberg!! I love icebergs, no wait, I love Mermaid, her chest looks like 2 icebergs, no wait, I don’t love Mermaid because she won’t put ice in her drinks, no wait, why would I care about ice in her drinks, no wait, I love the ocean, no wait, I don’t love the ocean, I love Billy Ocean, Caribbean Queen is my favorite song, so there ya go!!! There are NO ICEBERGS in the Caribbean. All ahead flank!!!”

  28. chuck says:

    How many Harleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    5. Thats right, 5.

    One to screw in the lightbulb, one to tell everyone that Glazer could’t do it, one to tell everyone that Glazer is the best Light Bulb Screwer in KC, one to tell Hearne that he misspelled litebulb, one to tell everyone how cool his wife (wink, wink) looks screwing in a lightbulb (And she was a virgin, before she screwed in the litebulb, and then they met, and then he settled down.).

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