Glazer: Crashing Las Vegas, Fright Flight, Fat Folks & Terrorist Bathroom Bust

I come here not to bury Caesar, but to praise him…

Caesar’s Palace, that is. Well, they were sold out, so had to go to my old favorite the RIO. You see it on TV with the Texas Hold ‘Em championship. Decent, but not as good as Caesar’s. Oh well, maybe I’ll learn not to book stuff at the last minute.

Had to fly to Phoenix first to save 500 bucks. That’s right, a round trip, last minute, day before, non stop flight cost $950. Mine was $465, not good, but oh well.

Next my new suit case wouldn’t fit into my brother’s new Porsche Boxster. So my Dad had to drive me to airport. Christ, he bitched the entire time.

"So you got money to bet on the NFL, but none to help out old dad, huh? Your brothers will screw everything up when you are gone, as always (not true). Got a broad waiting out there for you?"

On and on and nothing good.

Clear skies, warm weather, US Air full of fat people.

I drank a big Starbucks and got a little sick. Flight was the bumpiest ever- terrible. Even got sick in the too small bathroom. It was smaller than a prison visiting room toilet. And that’s pretty small.

Had an hour plus layover in Arizona. Had another Starbucks and washed it down with a taco. Now I’m really sick.

More fat people, my seatmate weighed like 450. I’m not kidding. Nice guy from St. Louis. He blocked my going to toilet five times. This flight was even more turbulent. Brother. Met a hottie – a dancer, not a stripper but a showgirl – very hot. Got her cell, naturally. That was before I got sick, After she noticed my sweating kinda backed off me. Good one.

Was in bathroom so long the lady flight attendent banged on the door and asked, "Sir, are you OK?" 

Told her I was, but she said DUE TO THE HIGH TERROR ALERT THEY HAD TO OPEN THE DOOR AND SEE!

Can you believe it? So I opened the door, showed them my complete mess and everything was OK.

Landed, lost the girl, waited an hour for my one bag. Went to get a cab. It was 6p.m. and 1,000 people were waiting for cabs. I wanted to get sick again, but was in line. Got to the hotel at 655 p.m., placed a two hundred dollar bets quickly on MU over ASU. Got 10 points. Nice. Went to my room, got sick again.

No girls, no nightlife, no nothing.

Just TV, a game and when I woke this morning at 5 AM and went to ESPN, I found out my poor Tigers lost in overtime but covered 37/30. First good news of the trip.

I hope Leaving Las Vegas is better…

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20 Responses to Glazer: Crashing Las Vegas, Fright Flight, Fat Folks & Terrorist Bathroom Bust

  1. Rick says:

    Got her cell naturally
    You mean u stole it when she wasn’t looking?

    Glazer sick in Vegas. what is the deal with all u guys leaving town and getting sick? U, Hearne, Jack. Man, that ranch must have a lot of disease.

    You sick in Vegas is kind of like ur sick Chief picks.

    As I’ve said before. Thanks for some content on a saturday

  2. smartman says:

    Help is on the Way
    Call the concierge desk and have them get you an appointment at a spa that offers Q-Baths. It’ll suck all the toxins out of your body, make you feel like a new man.

  3. Craig Glazer says:

    Good Idea Smartman
    Today was a ton better, did go to Ceasers, Spa, pool, gym…the best…feel great now. Got up at like 6AM…have won three football games, Mu covered, Wis over a dog by 21 they won 35-0 and now have both Stanford -21 and Alabama over Penn -10, parlay..did do the major bet on the Kansas City Chiefs part two, a month ago I had it at under 81/2 now its 7 1/2 under plus the under is at -135, still like it…we’ll see…if the Bills take the Chiefs down, its likely over…I like the Bills plus 6 and under 40…I like Jets over Dallas -4 on Jets…

    Hey you can’t win em all.

  4. mark x says:

    Attention, dear readers …
    See, there IS a God …

  5. Orphan of the Road says:

    Always bet
    The Raiders to lose on opening day. I think they went 15-years and lost every opener.

    I agree if the Bills take down the Chiefs it will be like a stake in the heart to Dracula. Not covering the spread and winning will not be much of an encouragement either.

    At 7 1/2, I’d take the over. And sweat all season.

    I think Brewer & Shipley wrote a song about flying, I always get to sit between the fat lady and a soldier on a plane. Next time I go to San Francisco, I’m gonna ride a train…

  6. chuck says:

    Feel better Glaze.
    Bring home some bacon.

    Baby needs new shoes.

  7. Hearne Christopher says:

    I didn’t get sick – a cold not cold sores btw – until a week or so after I got back from my vaca. And jack never catches anything….how could her? It’s only “in room entertainment”

  8. Orphan of the Road says:

    The madam at Nate’s
    Stan probably remembers the place, down in Sedalia. Google Scott Joplin.

    She always told the boys, let me take that poison out of you.

    Looking forward to your take on week one and looking ahead to week two. What’s the over/under on Andy Reid lasting the season?

    SCENE: Lobby of Caesars

    Young Man:Look grandfather, that gentleman has brought his granddaughter to Las Vegas.

    Grandfather: No, that’s your uncle Craig.

    Young Man: But Uncle Craig told me she’s never too young to be too old for me.

  9. harley says:

    GLAZE…A HIGH ROLLER LIKE YOU SHOULD NOT
    have to pay for rooms or flights. Thought you said you knew all of hollywood
    and the stars. If so why are you at that dump Rio? That hotel is past it’s days
    and discounts rooms to $15 a night.
    I figured that a well known celebrity like yourself would get first class seating…
    comps and free room and food….obviously you’re not the player or celebrity you
    are in kc in big cities like vegas.
    Try the foundation room in mandalay…or Wynn…thats where the big rollers
    go …..
    Stay well…get laid…and bring some wild stories about hookers and hos back to us…
    be careful….flying is not like it used to be….

  10. Loves vegas says:

    I was wondering the same thing. Hell, all I had to do was go to the same place, Caesar’s, for the last 30 years and I get heavily discounted rooms without asking. Loyalty has its rewards.

  11. Craig Glazer says:

    No I Am Not As Big a Name as You Rick
    well as I explained when you go last minute it hurts. The Rio is a good spot, home of ESPN’s World series and my favorite nude pools.
    I get deals here and Ceasers…but since I am not at your level in my 106th trip to vegas, guess you guys now more than me. Right.

    AS YOU NOW SEE I WAS CORRECT, WHAT A SHOCK, ON THE CHIEFS MOST ALL MY SPORTS TALK. UNLIKE YOU GUYS I CAME TO VEGAS AND PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS, NOT JUST A COUPLE HUNDRED BUCKS…PS Rick this is why I am on here and you are not…you bitch about me, but you don’t really know anythng or anyone. I do….lost only on the KU game yesterday, and today am 3-0 in pro, including taking Bills over Chiefs, and Houston over Colts and RAvens over Pitt…not I have Cards over Cam newton…

    NObody in KC sports nobody had the Chiefs as bad as I did, they are a DOORMAT, A BAD TEAM MAYBE WIN ONE OR TWO AT BEST, THEY ARE A CLOWN ACT….NOTHING MORE, TODAY PROVED THAT, SO SAY NOTHING MORE RICK YOU LOOK FOOTLISH…ITS LIKE A SHAWNEE MISSION EAST QUARTERBACK DOWING JOE MONTANA …PLEASE BABE, LISTEN, LOOK, AND LEARN.

  12. Super Dave says:

    You’re right, you’re Not
    Nothing makes anyone look more ignorant than attempting to say someone is Foolish and spelling it FOOTLISH

    What is a DOWING?

    Now who looks Foolish?

  13. Hidden says:

    saw your college picks yesterday and followed your NFL today. You’re a hot bettor CG. you this good all the time?

  14. T says:

    if chucks getting new shoes…
    i want some too! xoxo

  15. chuck says:

    I would respond Glaze…
    But I am too busy getting more mustard for my Crow.

    Wow.

    Can anyone say “Andrew Luck”?

  16. harley says:

    GLAZE IS B.S.
    SORRY…got to call you out on this one again. You know nothing. Just like everyone else in the world
    you picked the chiefs to have a poor season. BFD!
    so did every commentor here and in the star comments section. Notyhing really controversial about your
    prediction….except that you changed your mind many many times on the number of games they
    would win.
    Most importantly you got a little lucky in vegas. Truth is you lose more than you win….you will never
    beat vegas…only real winners in vegas are liars.
    so shut up and lets see how the season plays out.
    Just more negative shit from glaze….way too negative for me.
    You hate the chiefs..you hate the royals…you hate kc…you hate the nightlife…you hate the women
    (except the black hos)…you hate the restuarants…you hate the plaza….you hate westport…you hate
    the kellys…you hate everyone….you hate the laws….you hate everything.
    No wonder no classy woman wants you….your attitude sucks!
    Maybe say something nice…something appreciative….your now the biggest clown in the city
    and everyone on kcc acknowledges it.
    sorry…not a hater….you’re the hater….you hate everyone and everything!

  17. craig glazer says:

    I Love KC Guys
    Wrong Harley, I have said for two years here how I love our city. I don’t hate the Chiefs and Royals, just telling the truth, we deserve better as fans! Not 3 decades of this clown act for both teams. Given Marty had the nice 8 years or so, we were good not great. Man you must have not taken your pills today, what gives with the attack of me hating everything…come on, you have to admit, uh, nobody in our media or anywhere picked KC as a doormat, nobody, sure some thought 6,7,8 wins, Vegas still had 7 1/2 so I do know something. YOu are right about Vegas if you come here or bet often you will lose. In my many trips here I have lost more than I won at tables, have done well in sports overall, but it ain’t easy.

  18. Orphan of the Road says:

    Hunt, Pioli & Haley introduce new football plan
    As Hunt & Pioli stand in the background, Todd Haley announces a revolutionary new game plan.

    The Chiefs will put the $32-million in under-the-cap money on the field. Yes in a brilliant move they will have all of the saved cap money placed on the field. They expect the pile of cash will be too big for either the opponents offense or defense to penetrate.

    The team also announced the signing of Joe “Nickels” Banner as a special consultant on capology. He will also help verbalize how much help being tens of millions of dollars will help you frustrate the fans and win Super Bowls.

    Remember Craig, you too thought the Chiefs would win the game.

    Chuck, when you are finished with the crow, can I borrow your spoon? I’m tired of forking around…

  19. harley says:

    TERRIBLE MOVES BY HUNT AND PIOLI
    after a really fun season (although the ending was tough) the chiefs could have
    taken that money and really made a huge improvement in their team.
    They were comign off a good year making the playoffs. Fans were buzzing about the
    team again and then came the strike. the glow of the team came off. People forgot
    about football and the offseason. It was non existent.
    The chiefs made a de ision to keep the money under the cap in their pocket.
    coming off a good season they needed to add more weapons to their team.
    Philly did…new england did…packers did….pitt did….kc didn’t.
    and hence even before the season starts you have this huge negative cloud over
    the team. Then came pre season games which made haley and his crew look
    like complete idiots. While other teams with long records of success ran their
    summer camps identiacal to what they did in previous years…our coach changed
    the format. And with 4 losses and really a terrible showing on the field in each game
    they lost their fans enthusiasm.
    The buffalo game was horrible. I sat and watched a disorganzied…disfunctional..
    and frustrated team try to get their mojo back…but it’s lost.
    They can recover…but it will be hard….their fans have hit the wall. With the lack of
    reasonable ownership in baseball…decades of poor showings…hunt and pioli showed
    they are in ithis for one thing…money.
    Lamar was in it for money….these hunts breathe…live…eat and shit thinking about
    money. It’s in their dna.
    They had a shot to caputre this town for decades. But they blew it. The crowds will
    get smaller…possibly blackouts…its a sad excuse for hunt and pioli.
    Learned in business that when you make a mistake you admit the mistake…correct
    it…then move on. It may be too late for the chiefs to recapture their fans.
    The national audience watching the mass exodus out of the stadium in the third
    quarter was mentioned and shown nationally. WE have a problem here.
    Taxpayers handed hunt and incredible renovated stadium that will make him
    more money. those taxpayers need to march into his office and tell him he
    has to fullfill his end of the bargain. He needs to get this team striaghtened
    out and put a winner on the field.
    Will this happen under haley. No way. I saw it first hand sunday and the
    actions on the chiefs bench.
    Will they do it under pioli? Probably not. He’s hung his hat on some
    questinaoble players. and he chose to continue with haley.
    Hunt needs to open up his wallet…get a rea l winner with class here
    to run the team ie. Cowher and get this team back on track.
    This has to be the biggest p.r. goof we’ve seen in kc….glaze is
    right…i saw it sunday….this team is made up of clowns in the
    front office…they have some quality players but they’ve lost their
    customers.

  20. Harlow says:

    The Chiefs Will Rule Again
    Harley at one moment he’s “Glaze” your bud, another he’s an idiot liar, your enemy. Don’t get it. Hey you two are the clowns: Glazer and Harley: THE CHIEFS WILL COME BACK. OK maybe not to win this division, but they will win like 7 or 8 games. Hope you don’t lose your money Craig, but it ain’t over boys.

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