Murphy’s Law: Speaking of Sports; Breaking Rules, Boosting Babes, Busting Hall

My first column on KC Confidential (and maybe my last) and I’m about ready to break four rules…

 

  1. Rule One.  Don’t talk about the former person in the position. Folks don’t want to be reminded he’s gone.  Unlike me the new writer, the old writer has a body of work to show his talents.  I got zip.  So I should just pretend he never existed.
  2. Rule Two.  Don’t say anything negative about a a well-liked and now deceased public figure. I think the reasons for this rule are self explanatory. The person was well liked. The person is now dead.  Nothing to be gained by saying anything negative.
  3. Rule Three.  Don’t talk about fringe sports. That makes sense. When it comes to professional sports we’re pretty much a two team town.  As a writer you want people to read what you write.  So why write about a sport that has low interest?
  4. Rule Four.  NEVER say anything negative about a female’s physical appearance.  Especially if that female is a well liked local athlete. Actually this is a pretty good rule of thumb for life in general and not just for writing on a website. But it doesn’t make sense that we can write about how hot Anna Kornikova is but how unattractive other athletes are. Weren’t Dennis Rodman and Scotty Pippen two of the ugliest men ever to be on the same team?

But as previously stated, I’m going to break some rules.

Me and former KCC writer Greg Hall differ in many areas; one being that he dislikes women and sports. 

Now Greg is a heterosexual – at least I think he is – so he’s ok with cheerleaders.  But women in sports?  Not in Greg’s world.  Women reporting on sports?  He might have liked thinking about Erin Andrews without clothes on.  But I don’t think he’s about her on the sidelines. 

One of my early exchanges with Greg was his disdain for the Fabulous Sports Babe.  Anyone remember when she graced our local radio waves?  I sent Greg her autobiography.  He claimed to have read it and still wasn’t impressed.  Me?  I’m good with female athletes and have had a long history of enjoying their talents.

At one time I was a huge proponent of Kansas City getting a major league pro women’s basketball team. 

The American Basketball League was interested in putting a franchise in Kansas City.  But recently deceased sports commission point man Kevin Gray blocked the move.  He felt it was a league that wasn’t going to last so why bother.  In retrospect Kevin was right.  But I’ve always resented someone with that much power deciding who gets in the club and who doesn’t. 

I figure we should let the consumer decide what works and what won’t, not some fat cat in a fancy office.

This last weekend the Women’s National Basketball Association had its All Star game.  My guess is most of you didn’t watch it.  Me neither.  But I saw some highlights.  It was a close game.  The WNBA is one of those fringe sports we aren’t suppose to write about.

The WNBA All Star game featured a local athlete from Lee’s Summit, Danielle Adams.  She’s obviously good enough that she made the All Star team in her rookie year.  Some are talking about her being the WNBA rookie of the year.  I watched her dribbling down the court. 

And….well…the basketball wasn’t the only thing bouncing. 

Settle down Glazer, I’m not talking about her breasts. 

You see….Danielle is…the only nice way to put it is, she’s overweight.  And as I’m watching her play I’m thinking "How can you be one of the top people in your sport and not be in shape?"

Many have said we’re giving the US Womens soccer team a break for choking because they’re females.  But by the same token are we tougher on women that don’t have the ideal weight in sports than what we would be on males? 

Their are plenty of male basketball players like Boston Celtic Glen "Baby" Davis that are overweight.  And isn’t the NFL full of fat guys? 

However more focus is put on Serena Williams cellulite then any male athlete’s beer gut.

So I’m not sure if I’m being fair or not.  Danielle I wish you success.  And if you lose a few pounds and have even greater success then more power to you.  And if not.  Well I guess that’s ok too.  Who am I to say. 

I’m just a guy that breaks the rules, including taking more than the one allotted sample at Sam’s Club.

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48 Responses to Murphy’s Law: Speaking of Sports; Breaking Rules, Boosting Babes, Busting Hall

  1. Bill says:

    Jesus Christ
    this is awful. This Hall’s replacement… good Lord.

  2. Steveo says:

    This was funny
    I enjoyed it. Like John Lennon said: All we are saying is Give Rick a chance.

  3. Black Barbie's sister says:

    Hey, we aren’t fat, we’re bootylicious
    Hearne, my sister needs to be paid ANYtime you post anything about booty.

  4. smartman says:

    New Guy Epic Fail
    Too easy for me to even waste my time. You make dissecting Joe Miller challenging.

    Thanks for playing. You’ll get some lovely parting gifts.

    NEXT!

  5. Sam the Man says:

    IT IS WHAT IT IS ….
    On a scale 1-10 your article is a 7, and here is Why?
    Great Title … Play on your name.
    The Rules are Spot-on.
    The inuendos and sense of humor is High-Level.
    Low Points:

    Girls Sports Suck!
    Your conclusion and whole tie-in needs work,

    I say let Rick “Murphy’s Law” write another.

  6. xxMillerTimexx says:

    Let him stay
    I only read the comments on this site. So it seems by these comments that this guy has the makings of great comments.

  7. Kerouac says:

    Yesterday… all our troubles seemed so far away
    I enjoy females talking about pro football in the same way that I enjoy Dr. Seuss explaining childbirth… both are painful. Did you know that Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) never had any children of his own in real life? Or that no woman has ever actually played pro football?

    There you go.

    Accept no imitations.

    On the other hand, Howard Cosell’s book ‘I Never Played The Game’ was only slightly more tolerable, so perhaps it’s more a matter individual preference than gender.

    Maybe.

    Or maybe not.

    Would not go to an opthamologist when my u-joints needed replacing, nor as a boy did I steal peeks at Playboy to ‘bone up’ on the centerfolds bio.

    I preferred Edward R. Murrow, Walter Cronkite, Huntley & Brinkley reporting network ‘news’ to the modern pandering the cable ‘views’ (employed via short skirts, cleavage & lip gloss to utter distraction, spelled R-A-T-I-N-G-S), variously.

    Is it hypocrisy or political (in)correctness run amuck?

    Mr. Peabody… engage the WABAC Machine and drop me off back in the 1950’s, forever…

  8. Rick says:

    Sam-I am
    Sam the Man.

    Give Hearne the credit on the title. Concur on the conclusion and the reason is that I wasn’t sure after thinking about the issue where I stood. So I stayed on the fence and figured I’d let readers decide.

  9. Craig Glazer says:

    Love The Photos Rick
    Good start, your photos are better than mine.

  10. Hearne Christopher says:

    You pitted God against him not once, but twice!

  11. Hearne Christopher says:

    Now you’ve got me wondering if this isn’t Craig

  12. Hearne Christopher says:

    Judge not, lest you be judged. I mean, who gets the death sentence on the first offense.Me, I liked it.

  13. Hearne Christopher says:

    Knowing what I know about his plans, I’ll second that

  14. Hearne Christopher says:

    Fair enuff. Now how much will it cost me to get you to read the columns?

  15. Markus Aurelius says:

    You had me until you actually started talking about women’s
    sports. Seriously, very few sports fans (even female fans) want to read about minor/secondary sports, and let’s face it, all women’s sports (except women’s soccer during the World Cup) are considered minor/secondary sports. Of course, they’re not alone — the NHL, the T-Bones, the MO Mavericks, the KC Command also qualify as minor/secondary sports.

    If you’re going to devote any significant amount of time to those sports, then please do it somewhere else. I’d love to actually have a knowledgeable sports person writing on KCC. We don’t need another insecure ‘look-how-cool-I-am-I-can-write-about-non-sports-in-a-sports-column” person writing here. There is enough of that crap strewn about the interweb.

    What I did like about Hall, was his quotes of comments by local sports media and his reaction. That was good stuff. I often disagreed with him but it was unique and no one else was/is doing it. The garbage in this column has been done a thousand times too many and is neither insightful or unique. I’ll give you three strikes but this is definitely Strike One.

  16. Cliffy says:

    Compared to Glazer, nicely done. Otherwise I’m keeping an open mind.

  17. Rick says:

    Yes its secondary and ….
    that was one of the points.

    Markus U R right it is secondary and that is the point of the whole breaking the rules. That being said I wouldn’t expect to see a rash of reports by me or anyone else on this site about secondary sports. You obviously want to appeal to the main stream and what drives interest.

    Thanks for the three strikes.

    But now my question to you. Do you want a carbon copy of what Greg did or wouldn’t that be considered a second rate imitation? And if one wanted Greg Hall stuff wouldn’t one just go the original? All that being said I’ll be trying different things over the next few days including some Greg like stuff. But would appreciate the feedback. Thanks

  18. Markus Aurelius says:

    Do I want a carbon copy of Greg? No way…
    If I still want to read Greg’s stuff I can just goto http://www.plattecountylandmark.com/ghall.htm. I expect you to do your own thing. My hope is that your own thing is something I, too, will enjoy. A writer will never please everyone so the best a writer can do is be him/herself and let the chips fall where they may. I think people generally appreciate authentic/honest writing even when it’s from a perspective or philosophy that is different from one’s own. Personally, I don’t like the too-cool-for-school-look-how-cynical-and-funny-I-can-be-while making-fun-of-other-people vibe some bloggers try to adopt. Usually, it’s an excuse for the lack of hard work. Not saying that you are one of them, but rather saying, ‘please don’t be one of them.’ Great writing requires hard work because great writers usually know more and understand more than the majority of their readers about the topics for which they’re writing. This is why JoPo’s baseball columns are great and why Whitlock’s baseball columns (thankfully few and far between) were not. Write about what you know…..what you REALLY know.

    The first column is always tough because you’ve got competing interests — trying to establish an identify for you and your blog and trying to actually talk about sports.

    Above all else, be yourself. Life’s too short to jack around pretending to be someone or something else.

  19. Robertoe says:

    Web blog basics
    Hearne,

    Come on. You’ve been at it a couple of years now. I know this site is called KC CONFIDENTIAL but we as readers would like to see a few basics incorporated into this site. I could come up with more but here’s 3 to get you started:
    1) Short bios. Who is this guy? We haven’t a clue. Aren’t you in the business of dishing out info?
    2) Picture captions. Who are we lusting over? Is that Gal with the ample posterior Mermaid or Maria? We don’t know!
    3) Any URLs should be automatically hotlinked so we can just click on them.

    If Laz can’t handle this get another Maria-aged college kid involved who knows HTML! Shit a 9th grader on summer break could have all 3 suggestions done by Monday.

    I vote thumbs up on Rick Murphy (whomever he is!). Nice initial piece.

  20. Robertoe says:

    oh wait!
    Now I see her. That’s Mermaid in the 2nd pic!

  21. BS says:

    Column idea
    I have an idea. You should read all of Greg’s columns, then print excerpts of some of his comments to the quotes that he excerpts. Then provide your take on his takes. You could either call it “Under the Couch” or “Behind the Couch”, whatever your preference.

  22. Robertoe says:

    female athletes
    You wanna see a kickass babe athlete click on this link

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N70DLM8Az_8&feature=player_embedded#at=196

    Oh thats right….ok…cut and paste it into your browser. Hearne will get that feature fixed soon!

  23. chuck says:

    in ozsrks on phonr
    No comment

  24. andrew says:

    girls and sports
    I like it ke the title workeed great, and for those who judge someone the first post are just jealous there not posting. Not all movies are blockbusters to everyone but they are to some.

  25. Rick says:

    No bio because.
    Hearne has agreed to let me write for a week and half and we’ll go from there. No sense in putting up a bio unless it becomes a regular gig.

    Just word bio seems strange to write or say.

  26. Rick says:

    Random responses
    Markus, again thanks for the thoughts. Some short responses.
    *Hard work is a challenge in that just like Greg I have a full time position and so that creates some limitations.
    *Would say I don’t know what my own thing is at this point that’s why I’ll do different things. You see the same thing with late night talk show hosts. They try different things until they find out what sticks.
    *Not a great writer but not bad either. Not a sporting expert by any means. Not trying to suck up but from reading comments on here I would say often the readers know more or at least as much. And often they are funnier.
    *I would say the goal is, at least for me, to provoke comments and thought. In this case the thought was athletes and the shape they are in and our views of such.

  27. Rick says:

    Yes 2 BS
    BS-Very funny.

  28. Robertoe says:

    Rick,

    Your stock would go way up if you knew some rudimentary HTML. Someone around here should!

    Good comments section banter. Bring it on. Yeah you don’t have a bio up because you’re a rookie but the problem is there aren’t any KCC bios up. Add email address links to those too when you do em, Hearne. I’m gonna fracking harass you to do the right thing here. We’re gonna demand improvements. We want to see this go! Quit resting on you status quo laurels.

    Have you noticed what’s going on in Libya? Have you seen One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest? The comments section is plotting to take over here unless we get demands met. And don’t think we couldn’t hack our way into control. We’re might coup when Tommy Chong is in town, and he’s gonna be running things. Shape up.

  29. Rainbow Man says:

    I already like him
    I look forward to watching Smartman take Rick apart like Kerouac does on a KFC dumpster wing.

    But at least Rick told us flat out he would be a hypocrite… which already elevates him. Let the games commence. But Rick… get rid of “Murphy’s Law.” That is worse than “Don’t Shoot The Mellinger” Just call it Rick Murphy… Now… Give me takes on the Royals… the hottest team in baseball right now (but 11 games out) Yet still… inspire us you Irish trash heap.. You asked for it Mickey.

  30. Hearne Christopher says:

    Hey, MA. I give him big time cred for tackling women’s sports right out of the shoot. Gutsy. Look at the comments. No way he’s going to make that his focus, but he told us up front he was gonna break the rules. And break them he did.

    Then he bagged on Greg. Gutsy again.

    Then he threw PC caution to the wind, teased us that something sexy was afoot in the WNBA then called out a local sports star for being a fatty.

    What’s not to like? Look at the comments. My mouth is watering for No. 2 (and please don’t take that the wrong way)

  31. Hearne Christopher says:

    Thanks, Cliffy. Just for that I’m gonna give you a free shot to be really nasty to me or Craig next time out and I won’t kill your comment!

  32. Hearne Christopher says:

    I know, I know. If I’d stayed on WordPress I’d probably be a better man. But Greg and I were convinced we needed a Web site now a blog. Now guess what Greg is embroiled in, a blog!

    So we’re making the best of our cup differently filled. Can I have until Labor Day?

  33. Hearne Christopher says:

    You know, it’s not like I only have one thing to do in this Brave New World, Wild Man!

  34. Hearne Christopher says:

    How about “Banging on the Couch”?

    An interesting idea, actually. Do unto Greg what he doeth unto others.

    Here’s the problem:

    It’s a duck shoot hanging people out to dry who talk on the radio four hours a day. Therein lies the genius of Greg’s column model. People think he sleeps by a speaker, but the awful truth is he gets it done mostly during his commute and during casual lsitening. Unless he knows something special is afoot.

    The reason it would be hard to bag on him is, unlike his radio and TV victims, Greg gets to carefully measure his words and facts. Shrinking his Achille’s heel immeasurably.

  35. Hearne Christopher says:

    Of course I will!

  36. Hearne Christopher says:

    Well, that’s true. But we lost our bios in the switchover last fall from blog to Web site. I’m for bringing them back.

  37. Hearne Christopher says:

    I’m about to commit an unforgivable sports sin, but what the heck?

    You don’t have to be a “sports expert” to write really good sports columns. In my opinion.

    Look, the sports snobs at the Star NEVER gave Greg any cred or respect. They thought he was a total poser. And wished they didn’t have to run his columns (Greg was basically hired by the Star’s main ed),

    Steven St. John was merely a call in dude on 1510 AM when Greg made him his sidekick. He went by MU Dogg. When Greg got fired, St. John inherited the world (eventually).

    What it really takes is interest, passion, creativity, a sense of humor. And whatever. Does Rick have it? You guys get to make the call.

  38. Hearne Christopher says:

    Stop with the HTML, Einstein. It’s not an issue. Our site requires we write in pure text or people with shitty PCs get gooped.

    In a perfect world, where everyone ran a Mac, not a problem. But it’s not a perfect world.

    Joe Miller pasted in Word and it sent forth an ugly tsunami of freaky computer text. I was out of town and should have reminded Joe. My bad.

  39. Hearne Christopher says:

    I’ll cop to the lame Murphy’s Law. It was a last second add.

  40. chuck says:

    My phone sucks.
    But Rick’s advent foray into sports journalism is ok with me. 🙂

    Women’s tennis is way cool.

    The Japan v US game was really good imo.

    Welcome aboard Rick!

  41. bschloz says:

    Sports
    Waiting for 2nd Post already? Does Hearne pay by the post or word? Come on man blog blog blog.

  42. Rick says:

    What’s coming
    bschloz-Hearne decides when it gets posted but Sunday I’ll be working on some things. Three things I’m thinking about: Who won in the labor deal owners or players? Ten questions for the Chiefs as training camp approaches. Their is no crying in baseball???

    And to answer your question. Just as with the NFL owners. Hearne would prefer not to pay. But we’re working on that.

  43. bschloz says:

    Sports
    Rick …go get ya a CASH FOR GOLD sponsor…Hearne would let you send it from your bathroom.
    Anyway…look forward to more posts. You have it easy this time with Harley the “Blogfather” on vacation this week.
    Can’t wait for NCAA and NFL.

    “Jerry Jones should become President so that he can implement a retractable debt ceiling”

  44. Rick says:

    THAT EXPLAINS IT
    Was wondering why I hadn’t gotten any wrath from Harley yet. Thought he might of died. Also just got a call from a buddy heading up to training camp so we may get some info and have a report on that, we’ll see. Have a great weekend and loved the Jerry Jones line.

  45. Hearne Christopher says:

    Oh great! I’ve heard of salary negotiating in the media but this is ridiculous.

  46. Robertoe says:

    evolve it
    Hearne,

    Are picture captions, bios and hotlinks too much to ask for?

    If your platform sucks this bad, launch another one.

    Hire a tech savvy kid and let’s get this site evolving.

    Do you want me to evolve it for you? Lets talk.

  47. Hearne Christopher says:

    Only thing I asked for of the three was the links. About two weeks ago.

  48. Robertoe says:

    a clarification
    “Only thing I asked for of the three was the links. About two weeks ago.”
    Need I say more? You don’t have then proper platform for evolution. Can you get me access to the source code? Or I’d vote for stepping this up to a totally new platform. I’m serious Hearne, I could handle this for you.
    Also, after a conversation with Mermaid Iast night, I need to post a clarification. God forbid. I don’t want to be in her doghouse!
    I no way intimated her posterior is excessive. Nothing could be further from the truth! I would never say anything derogatory about her luscious, delightful, voluptuous, curved-just-right, red-hot, sexually attractive, scrumptious, toothsome, palatable, yummy, delectable butt. I in no way comparing Mermaid to that little bikini pic above. Now the gal in prostrate guy with the charge card image above? That’s her exactly!

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