Star Search: Ever Wonder What It’s Like to Live in Topeka?

Ever wonder what it’s like to live in Topeka?

I didn’t think so…

So I’ll skitter past the above headline’s premise. And then let you in on a couple things about the state of newspapering in the capital of Kansas that you’ll never in a million years hear from the moist, sincere lips of jimmycsays. You know, Fitzpatrick.

Mostly because he’s not dating anybody there (like I am). At least I don’t think he is.

I’ll begin by telling you that by KC standards there’s not a whole lot to do in Topeka or T Town as some of the hipper natives refer to it. I mean, they’ve got Olive Garden, Famous Fave’s, IHOP and most of the main food groups as defined by America’s top chain restaurants. There’s a buncha other stuff, too. Family stuff, church stuff, Fred Phelps stuff and that nutty new governor Sam Brownback.

I won’t bore you with the details…

Let’s talk briefly about the town newspaper, The Topeka Capital-Journal.

My exposure to it comes in the form of the free issues that have been finding their way to my friend’s driveway the past several weeks. It’s not news that the Star isn’t the only daily paper up you-know-what creek w/o a paddle.

Here’s how the Capital-Journal’s been handling its shrinking circulation and readership.

"I hope you enjoyed your complimentary copies of the Topeka Capital-Journal," reads a flyer inside today’s paper. "if you wish to start the Topeka Capital-Journal, please see the enclosed flyer and pick the option that fits you best. I hope I can be your carrier in the near future."

It’s cheaper than the Star but not by all that much. Around $4 a month less on the EZ-Pay plan.

As for what you more-or-less get, well, the state political and local news coverage looks like it beats out the Star but everything else comes in a distant second. And it looks like they’re kinda hurting for ads, although they have a lot of geezer come-ons like the Star. You know, hip inplants, siding deals.

Dead people are big business for the Capital-Journal as well. And yes, they do charge for the privilege of letting other locals know you’ve checked out. They’re also pretty much stuck covering the Royals – the baseball team, not the newlyweds. Which is too bad for all concerned, but at least the Capital-Journal still seems to have something that still resembles a classified section. Unlike the Star.

The pickings are ultra slim – as you might imagine – in the paper’s "Weekend" section.

There was a musical satire that looked pretty vanilla featured on the section cover last Friday. Along with a biker jam, a couple movie rewinds at the "library," and not much else. And only a tiny pair movie ads that didn’t even tell what was playing. That despite that T Town is just as landlocked as us and what else is there to do there on a hot summer afternoon? Or evening?

I’ll tell you what there is to do and that’s eat!

The past several months I’ve spent hanging there, I’ve beheld some of the most bounteous beefcake ever.

Which brings me to another story in last Friday’s Capital-Journal with a Kansas City dateline: "Report shows the percentage of obese Kansans has doubled," the headline reads.

"A new report says the percentage of Kansans who are now obese has more than doubled in the past 15 years with 29 percent of the adult population fitting that category."

During that span, Kansas has soared from 36th place to 16th, the story says.

So there you have it, and you think that former New York Times dude was hard on KC the other day!

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14 Responses to Star Search: Ever Wonder What It’s Like to Live in Topeka?

  1. smartman says:

    Uh? er em?
    You were wrong, you bored us with the details.

    I was told once that translated from Native American Casino Indian lingo that Topeka means “land good for growing potato’s.”

  2. Robertoe says:

    details?
    IDK, Smartman, where were the details? I didn’t see any.

    Topeka was a string of blunders 4 me. Right after graduating from Mizzou I took a National Gypsum job selling in NE KS. The dumbest move I made was moving to Topeka instead of Lawrence. It was so bad I made another mistake of marrying. I blame that on Topeka. Then I figured I’d learn how to fly at Billard Field so I could get the hell outa there. Damn near killed myself. I soon learned I didn’t have the right sober & prudent temperament to pilot small aircraft. 😮

    So Hearne has a Topeka girlfriend? You know what this means. A whole slough of unnewsworthy stories about Topuka!

  3. AL says:

    I think the cool kids call it Top City
    There’s always Lawrence.

  4. Jim Fitzpatrick says:

    I can assure you readers…
    from moist and sincere lips, that Hearne’s girlfriend, Kimberly, is beautiful and high caliber — well worth the trek to Topeka.

    (Also, Topeka is a great place to buy a car: See Gene Glass at Laird Noller Ford.)

  5. Monkeyhawk says:

    The best restaurant in Topeka….
    …is the Hardee’s out on the turnpike.

    The bars used to get more interesting when the legislature was in session. Accountants from Hoxie and/or insurance agents from Goodland used to love their 90 days in the “big city.”

    Really interesting is the gaggle of legislative groupies who dedicate their winters to boinking out-of-town salons. They’re back every year

  6. bschloz says:

    Girlfriends Neighbors……
    What in tarnation…..Vern get over here…it’s that funny lookin car I seen last week again.
    Vern look at that fellar get out that car….looks like some kind of Jew man or somethin.
    Now what are they doing….looks like he just sits on that front stoop readin newspapers….then I seen him pull out an etch-a-sketch and he just plays with that little toy for hours…..check his plates I think he’s from Osawatimie.

  7. Johnny S says:

    so it was between this and…
    So it was between this story and reporting the story about the 49th Birthday of The Rolling Stones ( THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL BAND IN HISTORY) … and you picked this one? ……….. shame shame shame Sgt Carter…… errrrrr. Hearne

    ***********July 12 1962, Rolling Stones play their first gig in Londontown***************

  8. Ross says:

    Pobrusky’s
    Get a sandwich and some hot pickles to go at Pobrusky’s in the Little Russia part of Topeka – and then get out. It’s the only thing worth doing there.

  9. PB says:

    POBRUSKY’S REDUX
    What Ross said. Those horseradishesque pickles are outstanding!

  10. Hearne Christopher says:

    Sorry

  11. Hearne Christopher says:

    Hey, I’ve been commuting since October and all you’ve had is a single story

  12. Hearne Christopher says:

    My GF says she’s never heard that one

  13. Hearne Christopher says:

    Wasn’t even close. And I care about the Stones playing a concert while they’re pushing 80 why?

    Hey, Marulyn Maye can still get her game face on at 83 or 84, but she’s not trying to relive the 1970s. Not like the Stones and – oh yeah – Liverpool

  14. Hearne Christopher says:

    There’s a more conveniently located Hardee’s near the GF’s house. Do like your groupies angle

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