New Jack City: Jack Loosens a Screw, Charts Career Path for Casey Anthony

Memo to Casey Anthony:

I see you finally let your hair down again, and I have to say, you’re still looking fine. But have you given any thought to what you’re going to do come Monday, July 18th?

A Charlie Sheen Victory Tour is out of the question. Unlike Charlie, most Americans probably detest you. So nobody would show up. We’re talking boxoffice disaster.

So what WILL you do?

First off, you’ll need a top notch personal manager to act as your agent. I know just the guy – ME!


Here’s my 5-point plan guaranteed to maximize your future earnings. I’ll do it for the standard 10% of gross.

# 1-Immediately sign a lucrative book deal.

# 2-Select a hot shot ghost co-writer with a reputation for embellishing-EVERYTHING. Craig? Hearne? Tony?

# 3-Rush the book into national distribution no later than Labor Day. Better yet, shoot for mid-August. Each day closer to this past week’s aquittal date is money in the bank.

Remember, we Americans have very short attention spans.

# 4-Do NOT talk to any media outlets—checkbook journalism or not — until a couple days prior to your book’s street date! Then set up just a handful of important TV appearances to maximize exposure to the crowd most likely to buy your book. AND YOUR STORY!

And, no, I’m not talking about my evil twin Jerry Springer. The four shows I recommend are THE VIEW, BARBARA WALTERS, THE TODAY SHOW and DAVID LETTERMAN.

Steer clear of 60 Minutes and the Comedy Central Roast. They may have good ratings, but the demo’s all wrong and it’s a mite too risky.

5.-Make a secondary deal for a sexy photo spread with either PLAYBOY or PENTHOUSE and maybe one of those cheesy Vivid Entertaiment porn pics. Have the, uh, spread, hit the street a week after the book and your TV appearances.

One will fuel the other.

There you have it, Casey. Jack’s master plan – a surefire career builder. And all for just 10% of action.

It’s a guaranteed killer, girl.
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4 Responses to New Jack City: Jack Loosens a Screw, Charts Career Path for Casey Anthony

  1. chuck says:


  2. Kerouac says:

    Beauty is in the eye the beholder…
    The premature ejaculation prosecution team top of page? A bit out of style.

    The blonde in the pic at the bottom of the page? Dime a dozen.

    Springer wearing the residue a Spiderman mask? $ad.

    Casey Anthony? Spell it bella vita or la vida loca – in any language, she slays me!

  3. smartman says:

    Vigilante Justice
    I’d have no problem rotting away in jail for the chance to put a slug in this bitches head….as well as anybody that tries to help her profit from her “experience”

    I doubt you’d be able to find a jury to convict me.

    Steve Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment already rescinded his offer due to overwhelming response, if not outright demand from the strokers. How bad is that?

    She’s dead meat. Karma is coming at her faster than it did OJ.

  4. gene says:

    veeeery interesting
    Great career advice for Casey. The check is in the mail.

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