Glazer: Click Your Heels Time, There’s No Place Like Home

Was talking to my on-air buddy Johnny Dare last night…

Had one of our better talks. Hard to believe he’s been on the radio for nearly two decades. And I’ve been a weekly guest nearly the entire time. Yep, he was in his 20’s and me in my 30’s back then. We both agreed we’re lucky to have had the careers we’ve been blessed with.

Sure there are always other mountains to climb, but with Johnny he’s hit all the high marks; top on-air guy in KC, a TV gig and more to come.

We all know my story.

What struck me was that neither of us really want to live anywhere but Kansas City. Yes, as much as I bitch about whats wrong with our town, it’s my home and yours.

When you really look at it, as Sam Mellinger wrote today in the Star, our city has always had an inferiority complex. He was referring to our sports mindset. And he’s right. Sam wrote about how well Sprint Center has done to this point without a major pro team.

Like you guys, I have tons to bitch about, but much to love about our city.

Nothing beats the Plaza, surely not Beverly Hills. I’ve been there. How about the homes in Mission Hills, Fairway, Westwood or out South in Johnson County. Street after street of beautiful homes and now in North Kansas City as well.

I know most of us can’t really afford the super nice ones, but hey it’s fun to drive by and appreciate their beauty and how they make our town look and feel.

All the new areas from Zona Rosa to Legends. Out south in Johnson County there are a boatload of new restaurants and shops. Let me tell you, I’m not interested much in soccer – I can barely spell it – but that new stadium is gorgeous – one of the best in the nation. The fact that our city has NASCAR, ARROWHEAD, THE NEW AND IMPROVED ROYALS STADIUM, several nice casinos, a new ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT CENTER (PERFORMING ARTS) the rebuilt Union Station.

The list goes on and on with more on the way.

We always hear, "This city is so boring, there’s nothing to do here."


Nothing could be further from the truth. There is a ton to do in Kansas City – a fucking ton! You just have to go out and try all these new options. Concerts nightly, new restaurants, bars, movie theaters with food and drink.

Hey, I am well aware of all the problems, even with the new attractions. But overall it’s not too shabby.

I lived in LA and Phoenix, two bigger cities with more glam – or so they say.

And I’ll take KC over them both. In the end, this is a nice place to live with pretty friendly people. A town willing to give a fella a second chance or even a third. Take me.

Like that little girl said in that movie 70 years back, "There’s no place like home." 

Know what? she was right. Enjoy the summer. Discover Kansas City. I think it’s worth the trip.
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23 Responses to Glazer: Click Your Heels Time, There’s No Place Like Home

  1. Royals Fan says:

    Now That Was Nice To Wake Up Too
    Glazer for once you brought a smile to my face. Things aren’t so bad. Good reminder. Thanks

  2. downtown davey says:

    Did you Write This?
    What Glazer praising something downtown? Ok. Yes this is a great place to call home. I agree.

  3. Hearne Christopher says:

    Um, can’t help but wonder what some of the other expressions Craig brought to your face…

  4. jjskck says:

    I can’t remember the last time I was bored in this town. If you can’t find something fun to do, you’re not trying very hard.

  5. Kellys Man says:

    Good leave town
    Glazer go back to LA with Nigro, Chuck,Bshultz and Hearne all you Jerks leave. YOU all hate Kellys. They mean the world to me. This is my town too.

  6. Downtown Guy says:

    Love it too!
    I moved here from the East Coast years ago, lived in Phoenix for 5 years and there is no place I’d rather call home than KC. I agree with jjskck that there is absolutely no reason to be bored in KC and if you are, you’re probably just not very interesting.

  7. myu says:

    What a f*&kn Tool
    Glazer is the biggest idiot I’ve ever read or seen. I guess he’s on this site for the car-wreck factor. I guess he digs the small fish-small pond life….

  8. Markus Aurelius says:

    well said, Glazer
    I agree KC has its issues but what city doesn’t. It’s nice to see someone focus on the positive aspects of my (our) hometown from time to time rather than just the negative. This city could use a lot more of that. That’s what always bothered me about Tony whats-his-name’s column — all he did was complain, bitch and moan. Do it enough and that stuff falls on deaf ears.

    Nice to see you run the entire gamut with your various posts on KCC. Good work today.

  9. harley says:

    for years you’ve torn down this city. Why the change? You’ve lambasted everyone and everything.
    You tore up the sports teams….crushed the players…antagonized the leaders….run down the cops…
    tried to verbally desstry every district…power and light…westport….shot down the prev ious leaders
    who built this town.
    You’ve screamed about the people….cut down almost everything that made this town a unique
    city………said it was boring (at least a hundred times)…SAID THE nightlife sucked….tore down
    the owners of the establishments in this city…..hit hard against the stadiums…the talent…the
    lack of fun and the lack of glamor….and all the while I’ve fought you on this because i realized
    long ago that kc was unique and wonderful while you crapped on everything from top to bottom
    of this town.
    KC is a shining example of a big town (not a city…a town). contrary to what you said the women
    are hot…intelligent and not the trash you wanted in a city. Sure they closed the strip clubs in kcmo..
    and really who cares….you did…you lambasted the poor single women with kids out of work.
    Well heres a fact….your change of heart of 60 years too late. I realized the greatness of my
    town long ago. and yes it has its faults and its problems but people like4 you always wanting it to
    be something it isn’t were the ones who killeed it in the long run.
    The royals are not dead….never were never will be. They are our team and while you continued to
    crap on them even tdoay I wonder if you ever went to the stadium and saw what a great event baseball
    at the k was?
    YOu shit on the chiefs…but you ever gone out to a game in l.a. or chicago or miami. Seen 50,000 people
    cooking and partying in the parking lot? I have hundreds of times…not from the tv…but out there in
    20 below weather….they are my team…our team….maybe not your team.
    Plaza…shure they’ve shut down some bars…but i could care less…nothing like the summer night
    walking past the outdoor eateries or having wine on the courtyard…….i’ve been more places in the
    world than you and nothing beats it…nothing.
    So pack your baggs….greyhound leaves every hour. We’ve listened to you bag on evertyhing that makes
    this city great.
    Maybe you’ll get lucky adn the strip clubs will reopen and you’ll have a new fun place to add to your
    tour of kc…
    thanks….we already knew….you just discovered this…what a waste of time.

  10. Aaron Gnirk says:

    Kansas City
    THINK ABOUT IT ~ Craig Glazer

  11. Harlow says:

    Love the Story
    You don’t remember me? I used to be a cocktail server at Harlows! Been a long long time Craig. I read this site because of you and Hearne. I met Hearne at Jardines. I never thought you were putting down Kansas City like one of the comments said. You point out what is wrong and could be improved. I understand that. This was such a nice breath of fresh air. Enjoyed it, wanted you to know. I will come see you this August at Stanfords. I was the blonde head waiterss on roller skates you hit on every Saturday back in the day at Harlows. I married Sam Tahan, dumb me. Divorced two kids, live up North, I’m fine, kids are in college now. Sam moved back to Chicago, Bob Bookout his boss went to prison, he was a good guy though. Bob passes away about four years ago. Take care Craig, my best to Stan.

  12. chuck says:

    Its all yours Randy Newman. Fuck LA
    Lived there in the Bay Cities 10 years ago for a year, Rodondo Beach, the Esplanade. Hated every fuckin minute.

    The food sucks (Fatburgers is pretty good.), no Bar B Q, everyone thinks they are best friends with Sean Penn or some other “Important” person (They are fuckin actors people, they pretend to be other people, jesus…). I met Rick James out there on Venice Beach, yep, coke is a hell of a drug (He was pretty fuckin big, fucked up a lot, but big.)

    I swear to god, LA looks like Wornall and Metcalf times ten thousand. Jillions of strip centers, signs, traffic, oh yeah, and people who know “Important” people.

    Most folks I know from KC, shit bigger after their morning coffee than the folks I met in LA.

    The 10, the 405, the 90, the who gives a fuck. LA is so fuckin crowded, the PCH has to go UNDER A FUCKIN LANDING STRIP at the LA Airport. I mean what the fuckin fuck!!

    I remember one day, sitting at a dead stop, right by the J Paul Getty Museum, right next to a Speed limit sign that said 70MPH. I was there for 20 minutes. What the fuckin fuck!!

    They could move the La Brea Tar Pits here to KC, dig a hole, park it on 435West and you would still make bettrer time driving through tar and dead saber tooth tigers than you could Sunday at midnight in LA.

    What a fuckin hole.

    Don’t get me started on Phoenix. The 17, Jesus, the traffic there was fuckin awful. The people were nicer. I was there working construction for 9 months.

    Hit the first fuckin guy right in the face, who tells you “Its a dry heat, its not too bad”. Hit him hard, he needs to STOP telling people that. For god’s sakes, someone might move there!

    Yep, I’m a KC guy too. Shtty winters, wet, miserable, hot summers, humid nasty. Bring it on!

  13. tracy says:

    We need a Xmas in July party at Jardines, Hearne
    with guests of the top commenters, Harley, Chuck, Smartman, etc.
    plus that old gang from last Xmas: Tony, Greg, Maria.
    Cmon, Hearne. Support a local advertiser who has a ton of unsold steaks from the Marilyn Maye cancellation,
    let’s all get together and drink with Craig and sing KumBaYah…
    Free Shirley Temples for Craig’s squirrel,
    free drinks for Black Barbie and Craig’s bullpen…
    now that’s a parteeeeeee.

  14. Black Barbie says:

    You Stole My Voice For A song On Johnny Dare
    I have been bugged at work about a song you guys play on Johnny Dares. Little Dick Bitch. Are you serious! You used my voice they say and name. I want MONEY for that you double crossing son of a bitch prick. My Momma heard it twice now and say thats my voice yelling at you in a song they play over and over on the white boy channels. You didn’t aks me for that. YOu better pay me like some real money white devil bastard and this week. I am gonna call Dare and tell him you stole my voice to, bitch ass punk mother fuckin bitch. Quit talking about me on the god damn radio. STOP IT.

  15. Monkey man says:

    Now Thats My Baby Girl
    Get your money baby girl. Glazer is scandelous to use you up like that. Shame on that man. I saw your new photos on facebook. Damn. If I was him I’d be getting you back not putting you down. Barbie why do you hate on me. I’m with you lady.

  16. chuck says:

    That “Little Dick Bitch” thing is funny.
    “My momma heard it twice now and says thats my voice…”

    If you have heard “Little Dick Bitch”, then the comment about Barbie’s mom recognizing her voice, well…, funny stuff.

    I am one White Devil Bastard that thought it was in very good taste Black Barbie! Its well thought out, captures your even, calm and centered demeanor during a stressful situation.

    I think Black Barbie and a megaphone, could turn back the “Charge of the Light Brigade” before it starts. “Half a league, half a lea…Are those Russians? I didn’t sign up for this shit!”

    LONGSTREET: “General Lee, Pickett is ready.”

    LEE: “Notify the bugler, and CHARGE!!”

    LONGSTREET: “General Lee, Meade has Black Barbie and a megaphone on Cemetary Ridge.”

    LEE: “Stand down, and sue for peace now.”

    Black Barbie’s quotes are the best. I am gonna turn on one of my “White Boy Channels” and go to work.

  17. bschloz says:

    Being There
    “call Dare and tell him you stole my voice to, bitch ass punk mother fuckin bitch.”
    Read BB’s comment in Peter Sellars voice. good stuff.

  18. chuck says:

    Tracy, get Black Barbie to show up too.

    Peter Sellers, heh, heh…

    I did it Jack Kennedy’s voice too.

    “Goddamnit Teddy, you drive and I’ll grab Black Barbie!”

  19. Tracy says:

    Chuck, you are priceless
    Love these conversational bits.
    email Hearne that you will come to a party and do some bits onstage.
    As for BB, she will require an honorarium and drink tickets.
    How about we invite her momma too.
    Wonder which of you guys will hit on HER that night!!!
    I remember we used to do auctions for charity: I bought Joe Serviss and we went to the Dove Theatre.
    So, a night with Black Barbie’s Mom.
    Hell–you could take her to America’s Pub.
    Maybe Harris Weiner Wilder would drive the limo.

  20. Black Barbie says:

    Laugh At Me, Huh
    You can make fun of me white people, but I am beautiful and ALL men want me, not you! Punks.

  21. chuck says:

    We are laughing with you Black Barbie.
    Hey, your funny, what can I say?

  22. ex KCer says:

    Desperately need music venues
    As a person born and raised in Kansas City who still loves the chiefs, etc, but has lived elsewhere for many years, I can tell you that the quickest thing that could be done, to make this city a great night time destination, would be some great music venues, such as those in Austin, Texas. Knuckleheads gets great acts, but not each week, and it’s kind of small. Here’s a list of acts that would love to play Kansas City much more often, if only there was the right venue. These acts are unbelievably great, and will leave you spellbound;

    Bob Schneider, Robert earl keen, Ruthie Foster, Tony price, either Charlie or Bruce Robison, ray Wylie Hubbard, James Mcmurtry, the band of heathens, spoon, Todd snider, billy Joe shaver, junior brown, storeyville, the flatlanders, Joe Ely, Slaid Cleaves, cross Canadian ragweed (now the departed), any and all of the band’s that play the steamboat festival in Colorado, any of the dixie chicks solo, Jimmy Vaughan, Gurf Morlix, Joe Dee Graham, the resentments, Rodney Crowell, Jimmy LaFave, Steve Earle, Black Joe Lewis, Los Lonley Boys, The 13th Floor Elevators, Patty Griffin and Alejandro Escovado to name a few.

    Other completely phenomenal musicians with Great(!) respect for being ultra-ultra entertaining, such as Mose Allison, would be happy to play here.

    These bands would draw, absolutely, if their music was familiar through radio play, but there are no local radio stations that play such music in KC, even though these bands have large followings wherever people have a chance to hear them.

    If we can get away from dinosaur rock, top 40 pop dance music, hip-hop, and the drone and obviousness of “Moving On”, we’ll find there’s a whole world of great music that comes from virtually every nook and cranny of the U.S. So why isn’t it here ???????

  23. Tiger Tail says:

    All Music Gets Old
    Nothing stays current exKC person. I remember when my Mom and Dad told me rock was a fad. Look at hip hop, I hate it, but its lasted 40 years. Brother.

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