Hovick: Have a (Clothing Optional) Happy Father’s Day, Courtesy of Midland by AMC

Statistics don’t lie…

Dads get the stiff end of the stick – plenty of puns intended – on their national holiday

Mom, Mom, Mom
Is the normal cry in the household
And Mom is who a Dad really wants to hear from when the kids are sick
Mom is who Dad really wants to hear from when the kids need a ride to anything and he’s busy watching sports Or when Dad could be away from the house at a sports bar with other Dads
Mom is who Dad really wants to hear from when his daughter at any age wants to have the talk
You know, when her body starts to change
Go ask your Mother, is the standard Don’t Disturb Dad line
But when the kids want money – who they gonna call?
Uh, Dad

Dads are simple
Dads need food, beer, sex and a nap in front of the television
Not necessarily in that order
Dads can cruise through life with a simple focus on one of the above but Mom has to shut off the TV if she wants Dad to multitask   

On Mother’s Day, Dads tend to spend a lot to insure they get the freedom they want for the rest of the year
It’s insurance and Dad likes it when Mom owes him
Yes. Dads are simple but they also can be devious, sensitive creatures with their needs

So let’s try and think what to get Dad for Father’s Day for a minute
In many homes, Dad is the bread winner. So Mom might think twice about spending too much on Dad to make sure Dad knows Mom’s being frugal
But of course Dad wants wants a present also

Dads need stuff too
But Dads need different stuff depending on where their Dad Cave happens to be in the home
If the Dad Cave is in the garage, you can lavish your Dad with tools, beer for the garage refrigerator, beer neon lights, beer wall clocks, or calendars with (Mom approved) hot chicks in appropriate attire for the kids and or neighbors to see

If the Dad Escape Pod is in the basement, then of course any and all beer related items plus the calendar still applies. You can always throw in stocking stuffers for Dad like souvenir beer bottle openers or a trash can with a wide opening so Dad can always hit the three point shot during action movies. Devious but simple, Dad might ask for a chick flick DVD to have on hand so Dad can watch it with Mom as a romantic beg for forgiveness evening in his pod after he forgot something Mom asked him to do

Dads need out of the house stuff, too
Concert tickets, Ted Nugent on July 13 or Whitesnake on August 9 at the Midland would be a perfect gift for Dad

Tickets to see the Royals, T-Bones, Sporting KC and / or hopefully Chiefs tickets are also coveted gifts most Dad’s desire
Going to Dinner with Mom and the kids is okay on Father’s Day, as long as Dad gets to pick the place and nobody whines about the menu

Or a date night with Mom on Father’s Day is fantastic as long as Mom understands she’s part of the menu and clothing is optional

Happy Father’s Day!

 

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2 Responses to Hovick: Have a (Clothing Optional) Happy Father’s Day, Courtesy of Midland by AMC

  1. Ted Tedderson says:

    Don’t do drugs kid. Or else you’ll write columns like this.

  2. smartman says:

    Run Joey Run
    Tiger Woods knows he can’t play competitive golf so he pulls out of the tournament.

    Take the hint. Capiche?

    Go put some Loc-Tite on the Grade 9 weight bearing bolts or double check the torque on the cam locks. Check the phasing of all the speakers ’cause it sounds like the midrange drivers on stage left are out of phase with the right side. Maybe somebody just reversed a banana plug. Count all the bees in the hive, chase all the clouds from the sky. Call Bob Peterson and catch up. Plenty of ways to stay busy.

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