Glazer: Who Needs Girlfriends When You’ve Got Hope (The Squirrel)?

When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "Son, you can catch a rabbit or a squirrel if you can get salt on their tail."

Good, old Stan

Remember that one? So like a moron, I would get my little brothers, Jeff and Jack, and go chase the little bastards all over the back yard. We never got close to any of them. When I was a little bigger we moved onto a cardboard box with a string and carrot. That didn’t work either.

I have to admit, like most little kids, I eventually got to play with a couple rabbits. Someone would bring one to "show and tell" at school and we’d get to take the bunny home for a day or two. However, nobody ever brought a squirrel to school.

Those fast, furry little creatures let you get close, then whammo! They’re gone. Up a tree usually. Even my dog Jr. never got a real squirrel. He’d corner a ground squirrel now and again, but that’s not the same.

But a few weeks back our office manager Kristy came in with a tiny baby squirrel.

So we all decided to see if it could become man’s new best friend. The answer is YES!

It’s a girl squirrel named Hope.  So damn cute. She loves to climb all over us at work. We only have her during the daytime. At night she goes home and sleeps a lot. Bet the comedy crowd would go crazy seeing that little bugger hanging onto me upside down.

The squirrel is clean and neat – she cleans herself – and we wash her as well. She almost never leaves your body unless it’s to get onto another person’s. She doesn’t even try to run away. She’s now nearly full grown and no, she doesn’t bite us hard at all.

They can bite though, squirrels have very sharp claws and teeth.

But if you give them love, they love you back, just like my little dog Jr. and my cat Monkey. Too bad women aren’t that way, huh?

Whitney loves animals too, especially my squirrel Hope. She’s special. By the way, she sleeps in a cat cage and loves it.

So here’s my advice; go get yourself a little squirrel, walk it on the Plaza and the girls will love you.

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22 Responses to Glazer: Who Needs Girlfriends When You’ve Got Hope (The Squirrel)?

  1. tracy says:

    So Whitney sleeps in a cat cage?!
    Watch those misplaced modifiers and clauses, Glazer. They’ll bite you in the grammatical ass every time. LOL

  2. Ratman says:

    Hey, a rat is a babe magnet as well
    I used to be the Ratman at the Edge of Hell haunted house. I cultivated lab rats, wore them on my sleeve, and put them in my mouth. Drove the young girls wild. Glazer, you are stealing my schtick!

  3. taco time says:

    You ARe Nuts
    Glazer you go from hot bodies to little animals. All the same I guess. I love little pets myself.

  4. Monkeyhawk says:

    Off-Topic, but what the hell.
    Is Greg Hall coming back. I miss OTC.

  5. bschloz says:

    Squirrel
    Glaze, You’re just a hillbilly like the rest of us.
    Hey– natives are getting restless….you need to punch out some Royals copy.
    I see Hosmer is hitting 291? The bet is still on!

    Planning to see Rich Vos next week —funny guy.

  6. Hearne Christopher says:

    Doesn’t appear likely. Sorry, Monkeyhawk. Monkeyhawk – was that you in the Wizard of Oz?

  7. jack Bat says:

    NO More Hall!
    Oh No! Now Glazer he cat,squirrel,pussy,black girl lover is our sports guy? Hearne its ok to hear his opinion he has some good issues at times, but please get us a real sports numbers man. Glazer will be giving us the Vegas line on games mostly. Again I am not a hater on the Glaze, he knows some things on sports, but he is not a stats man and doesn’t live,eat breath it like Greg did.

  8. monkey man says:

    You Are Wacky
    Lions,Tigers and Bears oh damn

  9. chuck says:

    Funny story Glaze.
    Herne, losin Hall ain’t the end of the world. I liked him, but its fuckin sports.

    Glaze should NOT do sports. I love his sports takes, they are great. But, Jesus, this is an easy fix.

    Just replace him (Hall).

    Happens all the time.

    By the way, if your gettin your feelings hurt on a blog, jesus… If people aren’t callin you fuckhead, shit face and calling everything you ever wrote into question, then guess what??? Your not doing your job. Or, your takes are so lame, no one gives a fuck.

    Insults and different opinions should be welcome!

    Especially insults. Insults with no base in reality, and insults that hit the mark. The worse, the better.

    Grow a fuckin sack, your sitting at a KEYBOARD!!!

    No one is breaking your jaw, or sending down a hole with a whip to look for treasure amongst snakes and spiders.

    Jesus, its a blog, not a trench in WW1. Get over yourself.

    Guys who think they know sports and can write, are fallin outta fuckin trees.

  10. chuck says:

    Did Hall quit over the heat he took about Split?
    Cause I gotta tell ya, if that drove him off, I lose a lotta respect for the guy.

    Not that he should give a shit, its jmo, but Disraeli said to never apologize. You need Disraeli doin sports, or fuckin Harley, or anyone. Its sports, and every shithead in the world (I am a proud card carrying shithead myself) is gonna have a take on sports, so even if you got a moron (In fact, a moron might get ya more comments and stir up more shit, we shitheads like that.), all he has to do, is write a BAD column and eveyone will weigh in.

    My take on Split, is, reporters report. If ya don’t wanna read the news, then go back to your fuckin legos.

    Get a sports guy who will write stuff like this when commenters hate him—“EAT SHIT AND FUCKIN DIE!”

    Awesome… 🙂

  11. chuck says:

    Sorry I misspelled ur name again—Hearne
    I am not doing that on purpose.

  12. chuck says:

    I wanna see Ratman’s resume.
    🙂

    No diss, but its gotta look kinda cool to drop a resume on some exec with some “Ratman” bona fides and an explanation of a mission statement.

    Heh, heh…

  13. chuck says:

    Ratman reads his Mission Statement during interview
    In the crowded marketplace of Haunted Houses, it is crucial to have a seasoned, experienced and savvy Ratman, strategizing, coordinating, and implementing the real and imagined horrors of rats.

    As a nationally recognized Ratman, my company, KC Ratman LLC, has scared the befuckinjesus outta little kids all over the city. *Ratman tosses a rat into the lap of the exec*

    As you can see, rats bring out an emotional response from most people. *in order to inject a little humor into the interview, Ratman, at this point, screams “HE BITES” then says, “Just kidding.”*

    I think my Ratman experience qualifies me for mid management positions in your company. *Plaza Three*

    Ok, I gotta stop….heh, heh…:)

  14. harley says:

    ITS ABOUT TIME HALL GOT THE AXE
    burned out…not even funny. He should do well up in platte county.
    But don’t you let the glaze write any more article on sports…he may know pussy and
    bush (thats busshy tailed animals) but the guy knows notghing about sports.
    Want to explode thissite….get frank (i can see clearly now) boal or get wright to do some
    stories….get controversial…get peoples blood stireed up….its another piece to the puzzle…

  15. bschloz says:

    What ever really goes wrong?
    Ain’t that the truth…
    Hall is the best during football and basketball…always liked reading GH— he’s a machine.
    Not like it will be hard to find OTC online. Probably just won’t be the same as on KCC though.
    I’d vote for Harley THE BLOGFATHER to do a few columns a week only if he would promise to capitalize Platte County.

  16. randyraley says:

    Tough Crowd
    …”If people aren’t callin you fuckhead, shit face…” that was my first five years at ky.

  17. smartman says:

    Illegal to have Squirrel
    Might wanna check the law on this. Unless the squirrel was puchased from a licensed breeder and the owner has a Class A breeders license it’s illegal. If the squirrel was found in the wild and is being harbored as a pet, ILLEGAL! When, not if, the squirrel bites someone, and it will, LEGAL problems out the ass, not to mention potential health risks. When that happens authorities will kill the squirrel immediately. It won’t go to jail and get to write a book.

    Lots of places in KC where abandoned wild animals can be turned over where they will be cared for or nursed back to health until they can be released back in to the wild.

    According to Animal Control 3 or 4 laws are being broken.

    Do the right thing for once and get this squirrel into the hands of people that know what they’re doing.

  18. chuck says:

    Yeah, thats right Glaze,
    It coulda been Elizabeth Smart’s squirrel.

    FREE HUEY NEWTON, SONNY BARGER AND ELIZABETH SMART’S SQUIRREL.

    The squirrel has brothers, sisters and parents somewhere, ringing their little paws over their missing relative.

    Its NUTS to keep this squirrel!! In fac, its squirrelly!!

    Glaze don’t care, he just wants TAIL!! ANY TAIL!! GLAZE, you perv, leave that little squirell’s berries alone!!

    Let this little squirrel claw his way back home. If he hasn’t squirreled away enough cash, then he can make some bucks learning how to water ski.

    I will even keep him entertained, ya know, take him to a flick, Saturday Nut Fever.

  19. TIAD says:

    Girl Squirrel
    Oh, Glazey-eyed one, how ironic. “Girl Squirrel” is one of your nicknames, isn’t it?

  20. Super Dave says:

    You know how Glaze is
    He probably thinks he is still a jailhouse snitch and ratting out his own employee for keeping an illegel squirrel.

  21. coo koo says:

    Super Dork!!!!
    Glazer may be many things but one thing he ain’t is a rat. Now that squirel may really be a rat.

  22. Eat it can't beat it says:

    Chucky Stanley Chucky Stanley
    Sounds like the only wholesome event than ever took place in your house, Chucky-Stanley……. But if Jack had caught the squirrel, he just would have fed it to Bill Alexander.

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