Glazer: Black Barbie Bounces Back & The Search for Numero Uno

 

You know that old strip club song by Joe Rogan, "Voodoo Punanny"?

"Can’t get away from that voodoo punanny"  – meaning that crazy good poontang! So this past Saturday, me minding my own business of course, during a busy sold out show for J.Chris Newberg, the opening act comes up and says: "Hey Craig, there’s a 6′ 2", gorgeous black girl in the lobby asking for you." 

So I went to see who she was. At first I didn’t recognize her. And then – OH MY GOD –  BLACK BARBIE!

I hadn’t seen her for almost a year and a half. Have to admit, DAMN! What a body, and she still has that "it" thing. She had on stiletto heels, that make her way too tall. In real life she’s about 5′ 11′.  Barbie was with another girl who had gone out with Jim Jeffries way back when. Since I got divorced, I have to say I’ve had more fun with Black Barbie (real name is Monique) than any other woman.

But man, what a headache!

Seems she’s done well for herself. She’s got a Mercedes( it’s a 2000 but still). Her boyfriend purchased it for her, Uh hum. But they’ve broken up. Uh huh. So she smiled from ear to ear, we spoke and then bam it was on. She still has that thing. I know she’s not a good girl – not good for me – but she still has that ‘voodoo punanny’ and it’s hard not to scratch that itch.

There are other very good contenders for my No. 1 spot.

You know, for the ‘ace’ of the staff. The one who deserves it is Mermaid, Debbie. She’s lost a ton of weight and looks great. She’s kind and even visited me in the hospital when I got hurt weight lifting last year. It was a bad thing and she came up twice to see me. Very nice. We’ve dated off and on for – gosh – about 15 years. She’s sharp and a nice lady.

Then there’s actress Gina Ninci. I wrote about her acting career two weeks ago. Gina is a beautiful blonde who once lived in KC. I dated her off and on for years. Glad she is doing well in San Diego. We visit when I am in LA. or Vegas. So she is not someone I get to see all the time.

Ah, then there is my gal pal, Jessica. The photo of her in this black dress tells it all. She worked at Stanford’s in Westport as a tooter chick int he late 90’s. Now she’s in her late 20’s. Got on the body building program – and DAMN – it worked. Wild times.

Look, after I wrote the dating six girls at once story – that was brilliant – the bullpen got cut in half.

So no lead girl.

OH, I did have Whitney back for awhile. Her photo was in last year’s New Year’s Eve story. She’s also a former gal pal and Stanford’s employee in the late 90’s. Her chest grew…hmmm. She is a looker. They all have their pluses and, well, the rest.

it’s almost summer so who knows? LOVE springs eternal.

Oh, about Barbie. We hung out all night, she showed me her new condo near the Legends and she came over and….

I’ll keep you all posted. I know you’re all pulling for me. Sure you are! No? Oh well.

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29 Responses to Glazer: Black Barbie Bounces Back & The Search for Numero Uno

  1. harley says:

    pulitzer prize
    nice story glaze…the girls look hot but it always appears you’re either jumping
    on them or they’re trying to leave and you’re grabbing them.
    Oh well…nice story…the blonde with the yellow dress is the one you should be
    hooking up with. Nice smile…nice bod…nice legs…and most importantly
    she doesn’t smell like black barbie.
    Sorry…the dark meat never turned me on. Maybe it was their palms and their
    feet…justsomething that those women had that was unusual for this white
    upscale professional guy.
    good luck. Saw half price at jones coupon…maybe i’ll take it up…how was their
    grand opening…..
    oh…i hope you saw my insightful comments to back up your claim about the
    legends…its hot out there.

  2. smartman says:

    DooDoo Punanny
    Black Barbie has been stroked more than a Scotty Cameron putter at Golf Galaxy. 2000 Benz? You can pick those up for around 7K or a really good blow job. How do you think harley got his? I’m sure she’s got “it”. Last time I checked there ain’t no cure for “it”.

    Stop thinking about your schwantz for a minute and why don’t you and shit for brains Johnny Dare try and raise one million dollars for the family of the stagehand, Lon Muncreif that died at Rockfest. Maybe let us see your “classy” side for a change.

  3. Garbo says:

    Great Pix
    First timer on comments. Glazer you have some good choices here. Liked Harleys take, and no I don’t think these ladies run from you. The opposite. I agree with Smartman, find a nice one, like that Gina. She looks like a good lady. Black Barbie is a whore. I think. Sorry.

  4. kansas man says:

    You Suck
    Who cares what you do!!!!! I like the dark haired one though.

  5. Chuck's biggest fan says:

    I assume Chuck is deliriously happy, can’t type onehanded
    Just the column you begged for, Chuckles.
    I assume you are yanking off which is why you haven’t posted yet…

  6. chuck says:

    Just got home, the rapture is 2 days late.
    Gotta clean up.

  7. chuck says:

    I Swear, Glaze gets as much pussy as I get air.
    And I was outside all day. I am so jealous!

    Glaze, dude, what really does it for me, well, its that your growing as a person.

    Check out Black Barbie’s nails. Whoa! They are even shining they are so sharp. At 5’11” (6″5″ in heels), she could down some purple drank offa my head.

    GLAZER: “Black Barbie!! What be happinin boo?” *stacks a gang sign*

    BLACK BARBIE: “Craig, you know I hate it when you talk like dat, and you ain’t in the crips!”

    GLAZER: “I got peeps in the Crips.”

    BLACK BARBIE: “You always be dressed in red.”

    GLAZER: “Yeah, so….?”

    BLACK BARBIE: “Jesus…. Ya wanna see my new sled?”

    GLAZER: “Its 90 fuckin degrees out.”

    BLACK BARBIE: “My new car dumbfuck!!”

    GLAZER: “Yeah, I knew that, just fuckin witch ya, you must be makin Mexican Money baby!”

    BLACK BARBIE: “Ok! Knock that fuckin shit off, or I am outta here!”

    GLAZER: “Ok! Ok! Lets see the car!”

    BLACK BARBIE: “Here we are, its a Mercedes, I be naming my baby Mercedes too!!”

    GLAZER: “Its a fuckin diesel, probably has bad injectors. You pregnant?”

    BLACK BARBIE: “Maybe in my ass! Whatchou mean bad injectas?? Your the one with a bad injector mutha fucka. Bread is harder than your dick! You be still wid da Mermaid, so its ok.”

    GLAZER: “Ya wanna come over?”

    BLACK BARBIE: “No, an donchyou be tellin every one I did!”

    GLAZER: “Sure baby, see ya!” *Black Barbie blows blue smoke all the way to 435*

    GLAZER: *dials cell* “Mermaid? Yeah, what are ya dressin out at today? Wow, not bad, order me a meat lovers from the Hut, I still have celery for you from last night. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

  8. smartman says:

    @Chuck BEST EVER
    GLAZER: “Its a fuckin diesel, probably has bad injectors. You pregnant?”

    BLACK BARBIE: “Maybe in my ass! Whatchou mean bad injectas?? Your the one with a bad injector mutha fucka. Bread is harder than your dick! You be still wid da Mermaid, so its ok.

  9. chuck says:

    Just fuckin with ya Glaze, those chicks are very hot.
    Way outta my league.

    The last girl I dated, had “Monster Garage” tatooed above her Va Jay Jay.

    I found a Shawnee Mission East Class Ring in there.

  10. chuck says:

    🙂
    .

  11. bschloz says:

    How Was I Baby…
    You can take anything from the bottom shelf…….

    “Can’t get away from that voodoo punanny”
    10 Things CG would rather do then do BB tonight

    10. Search for that 50% Groupon for Jones Pool
    9. Watch the Royals while scoring the game
    8. Watch Kevin Durant and The Thunder with dog on lap
    7. Respond to anonymous comment on blog
    6. Call Stan to make sure all is OK
    5. Write follow up post on The Wyandotte County Fair
    4. Text Marcus Allen a pic of Black Barbie..
    3. Text Hearne to complain that Stanfords ad is not on the top of the page enough
    2. Scan The Bullpen online
    1. Suggest a 3some with BB and Mermaid.

  12. Cliffy says:

    “The girls look hot but it always appears you’re either jumping on them or they’re trying to leave and you’re grabbing them.”

    Lol. Exactly. Or, an old guy trying to be cool.

  13. craig glazer says:

    Great piece Chuck and BSchloz
    You two can write for me on TV reality show anytime, very very funny. B I might have to steal that top ten for my opening on the Mencia Show Thurs nite. You both kill me. Outstanding. Hearne hire these two oh yeah and Harly, he kinda means well at times. But B and Chuck very cool

  14. Milk Man says:

    The Past Will Always Haunt You
    You dated my current girlfriend, couple years back. She knows two of these girls. She says its you who cause all of your own problems with women. You blame them for being stupid or pissing you off when you have five other girlfriends. I don’t think thats cool. You call it being a playboy I call you a fuckin asshole Glazer.

  15. Bad Ass Jew, Berkowitz says:

    Not a bad lookin Jew
    Don’t suppose any of these ladies are jewish? Nah.

  16. Monkey Man says:

    Black Barbie is The bomb
    So you have a bit of soul in you Glazer. She is a beast. I mean that in a good way white boy. I like all these foxy babes. Good hunting.

  17. downtown davey says:

    I Like The Blonde
    Now thats my type of blonde. Looks classy. Sure she knows you, kidding.

  18. Tony Tubbs says:

    Temptation Eyes
    Black Barbie is the big thing at Temptations downtown. When she sat on my lap, and did she, all she talk about was her being famous on radio with Johnny Dare and she dated Craig Glazer and who he was. She is a stuck up gold digging ho in my opinion. She does have a nice ta ta and body.

  19. Radio Man says:

    Want To See Dares Babes
    Can Dare put his on here. Bet it kills your Glazer. We’d love to see it.

  20. MM says:

    chuck kills me
    funny dude

  21. Toco Time says:

    Latino Monster
    I am coming to Mencia, want to see BlackBarbie, she better be there!

  22. maureen says:

    I am hurt by this Craig
    Where are my photos. I put these bitches to shame Glazer. Why no call from you lately? Lets do it Craig. It’s summer I am in top shape Mister. Call me. I want to see my photo on this damn thing. I write more then they do!

  23. emi says:

    Thank You
    Thanks for leaving me out this time. I wish you good luck with who will be your number one Craig. My situation may change soon. My husband and I are near the end. I will keep you posted. See you at Woodside this summer. I may go to Jones a few times, do you like that pool?

  24. Man Hater says:

    You Suck Glazer
    Pig! Have just one, my God! Pig!

  25. Packers Nation says:

    Its OK Glaze, Varity Is The Spice of Life
    Hey he’s single.

  26. Westport Lover says:

    You Go Glazer
    Keep’em comming. I mean cuming.

  27. Doormat says:

    Gina, Gina,Gina
    Now she is lovely. I am thinking maybe 32 or so? All the good ones move away.

  28. Kellys man says:

    Nigro Don’t have none
    Help your pal out Glazer. Give Bill some pussy.

  29. pappster says:

    FUN
    Ive had 2 of them. Barbie and Jessie. Jesse is a bonifide wacko! She has a funny smell. Barbie is ok. Totally 100% ghetto

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