So there was this movie called "Bad Day at Black Rock"….
Reminds me of the day after My #1 read story the other day. Not pretty. All I could think was how much I wanted to kill Hearne Christopher. See, he has talked to me for months about writing about, "What it’s like dating six or seven girls at once." And I always just let it go. I thought to myself it would only cause pain and suffering for the girls.
So as you loyal readers and good friends know, a couple days back I gave in. A few hours later all hell broke loose. I didn’t know Hearne was going to post all those photos of some – but not all – of the, uh, "ladies." To be fair I used no names or descriptions, right? RIGHT? No matter.
The lady who felt she was the lead girlfriend, the body builder- and she kinda was at the time – went WACKO.
She had not been listening to Johnny Dare, who’d had me re-tell the story on the Rock 98.9 FM. Dare had asked some very direct sex questions which I’d tried to avoid and answer with an abstract meaning. That failed. The young woman was told that I talked in the interview about her, drugs, hookers, strippers, on and on. Never using rubbers. When asked by Dare why I never wear them, I said, "It’s buyer beware." Dare laughed but some listeners didn’t. He came back with, "So, no Jimmy protection, huh? " And I said, "Johnny, they’re all Americans."
Now the body builder/salon owner lady was apparently told all of this by friends, as if I’d named her. I didn’t. And then she was told to read KC Confidential. Which she did.
Brother, did she…
So instantly – in KCC’s comments section – we went from dating for the past three months to, "I barely know Craig, I feel sorry for him. I drove him to this story, we’ve never had sex."
By the end of her comment, she sounded like she’d barely gone out with me and didn’t even know my last name.
Needless to say, she now tells me that she attends Royals games (can you imagine the boredom) with another younger man. I’m out like a bad habit….Oh well.
Next call I get is, "You lousy, big mouth son-of-a-bitch! I’ll call my lawyers on you, fucker. One photo of me on that site and it’s your God damn ass, got it GET IT? I have a reputation in this city – I know you don’t care – but MY MOM CARES."
I told her that I didn’t mean to include her, but she wasn’t listening – just yelling.
I think she was one of the ones in the comments section, too. She put her brother on the phone with me and he said he was a KCMO cop and not to drive in Missouri again ever. Or was he the former Green Beret?
Anyways, sometimes a simple "sorry" just doesn’t cut it. Know what I mean?
The Asian girl in the photo had just a week or two earlier asked to move in with me because her home life was horrible. I said, "Well, OK, but only for a short time." Than I asked her what about me dating other women and she said, "OK, she’d sleep in the guest room on those nights."
After the story came out, I never heard from her anymore outside of the comments section. I wonder if she could cook?
A couple of oldies-but-goodies called and asked, WHY THE HELL ISN’T MY PICTURE UP ON THE STORY? I’m better looking than those bitches any day.
Oh, God Damn.
By day’s end I wanted to crawl into a hole and watch replays of the games the Chiefs lost last year.
I got home. And thank God for Junior the puppy dog.
He still loved me, but he did crap on the floor right in front of me, while my cat Monkey threw up a few feet away on my newly shampooed carpet. Nice.
See, my fellow Kansas Citians and trusted loyal friends, I meant no harm.
I simply was laying out the word that "winning with the babes is not always winning." They’re complaining little monsters at times with no regard for your mental health – none. So what if they give you sexual pleasure? You can get some of the same thing from Oklahoma Joe’s. And Oklahoma Joe’s won’t call you up later either.
OK, the visual of their naked butts is a plus, I’ll give them that.
Large and nice breasts are not so evil… but I’m getting off the subject.
Yep, even my Dad, Stan, heard about my story at the dog park. He walks his dog with many others daily. He called and asked me, "What the fuck did you write, Craig? Two women looked at me and asked if I was your daddy. I said yes. And they just shook their heads and moved on. I hope it wasn’t drug related, God Damn You."
I told dad it wasn’t a drug story. Told him it was about dating multiple girls at once. And he didn’t see the big wow or point and said he’d call back. That was two days ago and I haven’t heard back since.
Look, it’s man’s desire – in fact our goal – to have as many nice-looking women as we can – as often as we can. But most of us can’t get away with that for very long. It’s just the facts of life.
Sorry if a couple women don’t like that – tough.
No, I don’t pay them. And no, they aren’t hookers. If you think you can do it – and maybe .0000l percent of you can – good luck! Try it anyway you can, brother. Then call me. By the way, try never knowing who is on the phone when you answer it. And then you have to go into a defensive story because it was the wrong girl and she goes, "WTF?"
Like I said, it was a very long, long day.
Yet every cloud has a silver lining.
One of my former girlfriends – in fact the one who I took out New Year’s Eve – called. She thanked me for getting her a lawyer on her civil suit. Said she was gonna settle for just under a hundred grand.Then she thanked me over and over for advising her to sue her landlord for leaving a nail in front of her apartment that cut her foot open and caused her major suffering and job loss.
So I finally felt a little better.
She hadn’t heard me on Dare or read the story. She went on to say she hadn’t stopped thinking of me for months. She’s blonde, 5’10’, big-busted and 28 years-old. What was I thinking? Why did I dump this hot girl? Moron, me!
"Yeah, Craig and I want to do something nice for you with this money.I really do. I get the dough in like six weeks, however the injury cost me my job and I can’t work. I barely can walk, so I was wondering, my dad asked me to ask you, Craig, do you know what a bridge loan is? I mean just for a month or so. I’ll pay you back…"
At least I know two things now. A ton of people read KC Confidential and Johnny Dare has a HUGE AUDIENCE.
I’m thinking of moving to Rio….