Everybody’s trying so freaking hard….
You know, to make it appear that somehow this year’s Kansas City Royals baseball season really matters. But in the wide world of sports – in the world of ‘Just win, baby!’ – it does not. Who cares?
It’s painfully obvious that after an eternity of mediocrity and faded hope, the owners of the Royals are either a) ridiculously inept b) could care less or c) all of the above. How else can it be explained?
At least in the days of the lowly Kansas City A’s everyone knew the score; the team was never gonna be any good, so just go out to the crappy stadium every year or three, check out the other team’s stars,slam a stadium steak, laugh at the mule and be done with it.
Get on with your life.
These days however, we have a sports media beast that needs to be fed.
There are two ways that beast can survive. On a diet of winning, competitive baseball and/or young, futuristic talent. Or by ripping players, management and owners for the obvious corporate betrayal.
But that can only appear to matter for so long.
At some point the hope springs eternal thinking runs out of gas. And we’re well past that point. Why bother to beat everybody up over the Royals shortcomings? It’s a losing battle, time to move on.Even soccer is more fun.
Speaking of which, Sporting Kansas City even during its less than stellar last two years almost made the playoffs.
When’s the last time that went down at The K?
Which brings us to this year’s Royals marketing game plan.
"My Attic Flooded," shouts an ad attempting to dial meaning into another meaningless Royals home opener. "There’s no excuse to miss opening day on Thursday March 31st."
The ad itself gives the excuse; to attend this year’s home opener the Royals want you to buy tickets to 14 other games.
How dumb is that? The ad says there’s no excuse and then presents you with an excuse too good to pass up.
Who wants to choke down 15 games of bad baseball just so they can call in sick opening day and support a retired, out-of-town millionaire and his son?
The grocery stores are on board with in-store displays and Royals-branded peanuts. At least the price is right on the nuts and it saves you a trip to the stadium.
The Kansas City Star is desperate. With both its heavy hitter, name sports columnists MIA for the first season start ever, the paper’s trying to stave off flagging readership by running one of the lamest contests ever: "Submit Your New Soria Nickname"
Are Star readers that easily entertained? That’s embarrassing.
A lifetime ago, a far younger Kevin Kietzman of sports radio WHB convinced fans to walk out during a game to protest KC not getting enough revenue sharing to be competitive. A year later, nice guy Joe Posnanski – then of the Star – used reverse psycology and tried to get fans to sell out a meaningless game at season’s end to demonstrate KC’s love of baseball, despite our lifelong predicament.
Neither promotion really mattered. Look at us now.
There is one thing we haven’t tried, a boycot.
Cancel your subscription to the Star until NFL season starts. Don’t listen to sports radio after the Final Four until August. Hang out with your family/girlfriend/boyfriend. Join a health club. Get a puppy, adopt a cat. Sign up for belly dance lessons. Buy Sporting Kansas City season tickets. Take up tennis.
Or how about this…
Take the Royals marketing department’s advice and skip opening day. Tell them your attic flooded.