Glazer: Never Let Your Dog Get Drunk; It’s Not Just Risky, It’s Costly!

Had a scary moment the other night, Saturday to be exact…

Most people celebrated Valentines Day on Saturday night. I went to work at Stanford‘s because we had two sold out shows. Holli, my new girlfriend, the physical fitness Champ of 2010 (and a nice girl) went to a party at Crown Center with her girlfriend, Dr. Pam. It was a black-tie charity function, so we decided to meet later at my place around 11 PM.

When I got home Holli and her friend came up and I offered them both a cocktail, orange juice and vodka screwdrivers. Everything was going good until I went to go to the restroom and left everybody in my living room for a few minutes.

That’s when Holli decided to show the Dr. around my condo, leaving their cocktails unattended on the living room table. Whereupon my little dog Junior., a dachshund, decided he was thirsty. He got up on the table and began to drink and lick the ice cubes from the cocktails. When I came back iand saw him doing it I yelled at him to get down. He did, but not before soaking up about a third of a drink.

He seemed OK at first, but as I continued to watch him the poor little dog became DRUNK.

Next thing I knew, Junior was rolling around on the floor and he couldn’t keep on his feet. At first it was kinda cute, but then I got concerned and put him on my bed where he sleeps at night. But instead of going to sleep he followed me with his eye trying to get my attention and then he rolled off the high bed and wiped out on the floor.

He had zero balance. And I thought, maybe he’s in trouble and needs to go to the Vet.
So Holli and I rushed Junior to the vet hospital on Rainbow. Naturally, they were closed. Next Junior peed on Holli’s brand new nice dress in the car. Holli said there was a 24 hour vet on Johnson Drive and by now it was after 1 AM. Lucky, Holli was right, they were open.

So we went in, and of course, we were the only ones there. Next the doctor came out and said, "Usually they can sleep it off, but he was so small he might be very ill."  So they put an IV in the little dog and kept him overnight to make sure he was OK.

Now it’s after 2 AM and I’m on a romantic date with a girl in a soiled dress.

Now guess how much everything cost? Five-hundred bucks!

Damn, loving a little dog can be expensive, huh? But I guess it had to be done. They called me the next morning and said Junior was much better and to come get him. I was so happy to see him back to normal. Then I asked if they’d trim his nails and they wanted another 25 bucks.

Junior’s seven and I’ve had him since he was four weeks old. He’s my best pal. The moral of the story; we won’t be clubbing together since he can’t hold his liquor. The Dr. joked that I was lucky I didn’t come out and didn’t see the Junior with a straw up his nose! Very funny Doc.

I’m just glad he’s alright. Lesson learned – expensive lesson learned.

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16 Responses to Glazer: Never Let Your Dog Get Drunk; It’s Not Just Risky, It’s Costly!

  1. Rainbow Man says:

    Glazer… I don’t know what it is but you are just a fun person to read.

  2. matt says:

    Soiled twice
    So first the dog…then you Craig. Nasty night for Holli.

  3. P says:

    We get it Glazer….
    you bang the hottest pussy, sellout your comedy joint on a regular basis, make tons of cash, etc. etc. etc. Way to hide the promotion of your perputual awesomeness under the guise of a story about how we should be sure to watch our dogs when alcoholic beverages are around, Topper.

  4. Joel says:

    Cute Tail
    Craig even when giving a fun nice story you catch shit. That will be your lott in life my old pal, sorry.

  5. Football Frankie says:

    Holli is very hot
    I know this gal Glazer. She owns a salon on Metcalf my wife uses. Loves Holli. Hate to say it, you two make a nice couple. She is a lovely lady be nice to her, please.

  6. Dog Lover says:

    Need to Keep closer eye on pets.
    Craig this was a good point. It is your job and all of ours to watch our little or big animals. They count on us for protection. I’m sure you love your dog, make sure that never happens again, expensive and scary.

  7. Mike Vick says:

    Mike Vick says who cares
    I got my dogs drunk all the time, whats the big deal.

  8. KC Star says:

    Human or rather doggie interest story
    See Craig this is a human, doggie interest tail, story. Nice to know you have a couple in you.

  9. -jl says:

    Craig, Comedy Is Still Your Middle Name
    Joel: Wasn’t Cara Lott a 70s/80s porn star?

    KC Star: Yes, Craig is all about the “tail.”

    Craig: I think this might fall under animal cruelty and should be reported to the ASPCA.

  10. harley says:

    from screwing both black barbie the black stripper and the large breasted asian with the bad
    leather jacket….I’ve give you credit glazer …..this one is pretty hot but you got to stop those
    one night stands and keep this one…..a salon owner and a recent divorcee….you can’t treat
    good women like the rest of the scags you’ve run with in the past.
    Hopefully you hold on to this one….keep us updated…..I used to date a fitness model
    from Grain Valley….they are so sizzled up they got to have sex 5 times a day…
    don’t know if you can handle that at your age…just kidding….take care!

  11. harley says:

    My dog once ate an entire bag of ____________
    took him to the vet…explained what he ate…and the vet said…”dogs eat worse stuff than that…
    he’ll be fine…”…but I did notice the dog was loving cupcakes and ho hos all the time after that.

  12. KU Forever says:

    My Dog ate my plastic car collection
    My dog, a German Shepard, ate my childhood car collection. Plastic, six of them, we had to have his stomach cleaned out. That cost me a small fortune. Stange.

  13. Bad Ass Jew, Berkowitz says:

    Is That Girl Jewish?
    She doesn’t look Jewish Craig. Hi its me your old boy scout buddy and former Hebrew school mate. Enjoy reading your stories. This was for once a G rated experience. Thank goodness, my wife read it too. Hey this girl looks very good, like these other guys say maybe its your time to slow down a bit and stay at home with a nice lady and your little dog. Enough with the clubs. Try it, you’ll like it.

  14. Robertoe says:

    Glazer sleeps with his dachshund named Junior. snickersnicker

  15. Mark Mayhem says:

    Cute Girl
    You Lucky prick, I have seen her photos online, nice body girl.

  16. Gamer says:

    Now We Know Glazer
    I heard about you and the ladies for years in westport. Have to now admitt its true, you do get the best, sometimes not the brightest, but oh well who gives a damn when they look like that.

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