CAR: Stanford’s Comedy Club Honcho to Buy James Bond-mobile

Think of it as a smoking hot Italian sex machine…

Stanford & Sons main man Craig Glazer is in the final stages of negotiating  the purchase of a Lotus Evora sport car. The comedy club impressario and local ladies man is following in some pretty hefty footsteps. James Bond has driven no fewer than three Lotus cars in the popular movie series. And actor Daniel Craig – the current 007 – owns an Evora. In real life. The 160 mph super steed was introduced to the USA for the first time last summer.

So here’s the deal…

"I know this, when I get this car the ‘I hate Craig Glazer’ meter is only gonna climb up, not down," Glazer says. "And I won’t even be doing anything, that’s just the way it is."

"You know, it reminds me of my Porsche, only newer and faster," Glazer says. "And to be honest, I like it because it will be the only Lotus Evora in Kansas City."

With only 600 cars a year coming into the country, Glazer will be in rare company to be sure.

"You know, it’s a single guy’s car, it’s not a married guy’s car," Glazer says. "People’s wives wouldn’t want their husband to buy this kind of a car."

How to describe it?

"Well, it’s kind of somewhere between a Ferrari and an Aston Martin," Glazer says. "And it’s definitlewy a pussy wagon. Especially if you get a red one or one of the extreme colors."

As for the Evora’s chick magnetism, "Regardless of what people think, I have never used my sports cars to pick up girls," Glazer says. "I did have one girl jump into my Ferrari and just went effing whacky on me and ended up doing the wild thing."

Let’s review, with James Bond (Daniel Craig) and Craig Glazer in the Evora afficionados camp, who’s next?

"The next person who needs to buy one of these is Johnny Dare," Glazer says.

 

For a review of the Lotus Evora, check out the upcoming issue of The Hills magazine.

 

 

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32 Responses to CAR: Stanford’s Comedy Club Honcho to Buy James Bond-mobile

  1. No one cares says:

    Would you please explain why anyone cares?
    Why would/should anyone care? So what if another rich puke, a rich douche who is in bed with both federal law enforcement and the the local Police Chief has “somehow” aquired the money to buy an over priced toy. Who cares? When so many people are financailly fucked right now, why would you rub peoples noses in this? Who knows what corruption occured to make this “aquiisistion” possible and who really cares? This guy is dirty and he flaunts it, and now you flaunt it for him too, it makes no sense.

    What a fucked country we live in.

  2. Stan The Man says:

    This quote was comical at best—

    “I know this, when I get this car the ‘I hate Craig Glazer’ meter is only gonna climb up, not down,” Glazer says. “And I won’t even be doing anything, that’s just the way it is.”

    You pretty much hit the nail on the head, son, and you don’t even realize it. Problem is, though, that the “I hate Craig Glazer” is pretty much stuck at a high rate already.

    I’ll bet within two weeks of having this car that it is keyed up by someone who in your little fantasy world you think is a fan/friend of yours, just because you are “Craig Glazer, douchenozzle extrordinairre”.

  3. kcredsox says:

    Come on Hearne, is this really news to anybody. Rich prick buys expensive cars because his jimmy is too short. If a day is short no news, please don’t pump up one of your douche bag friends. Good way for people to quit coming to your site.

  4. bschloz says:

    Congrats
    I thought for sure he was going to get the FIAT.

  5. harley says:

    GLAZER LIKE WELFARE KINGS….HERES SOME REAL COMEDY!
    1. Car selling for about $60,000,,,orice of midsize bmw or mercedes. Tons of them repoed in
    west and east coasts…..price is sinking…might want to wait another 3 months to get a lower
    price. But be careful…at 160 mph…hold on to that “hairpiece/beaver” on your head…
    2. Car probably worth more than his house and furniture
    3. at 60 years old…he’ll need a lift to help him get in and out of it. Sits low.
    4. Not a smart deal in kc. Rode one in florida. In kc it’ll be screwed up quickly.
    IN rain/snow/ice this car is a lemon. And with the potholes and bad streets
    he’ll have plenty of problems. And where do you drive that fast of a car?
    Thru westport? You won’t have time to get any hooks~!
    5. If you still need a car to help you get pussy you are one sorry dude. When i was
    in my 30’s I drove a camry and got more action than you’ve ever had. And the women
    had class..not the one night stands you’re doing. But if you
    need it to compensate for whatever problem you THINK you have…i wish you luck.
    6. Better hope the new bigger and better comedy club coming to johnson county doesnt
    hurt your business. Saw the plans…..it’s impressive.
    7. Give me a ride when you buy it. They are fun…but not real feasible in kc. You’ll look
    good in it. Just be careful driving it…..they are fast…and they handle incredibly….and
    you don’t want to be drinking while driving cause that steering is so precise and tight.
    drive safely. Because if god forbid anything happens…who would we have to raz on here>
    As your people (jews) say…..mazul tuv!

  6. harley says:

    New comedy club/dance club coming to town…
    I beat you on this one hearne. New club that includes dance club (very upscale) coming to johnson county.
    Former large club manager along with big big money hedge fund investors have put together an impressive facility. They’ve chosen joco
    location and it should be incredible. Just what joco needs…some new nightlife and some top entertainment.
    news that you failed to report….kc suburb third richest city in nation….keep writing about glazer…you’re missing some
    great stories.

  7. Doog says:

    What?
    Please tell me, how on earth is this NEWS?

    Headline: “Guy goes out and buys car.”

    Whoop-dee-shit.

  8. d says:

    Ay
    Nothing going on so you wrote an Internet Report about one of your Internet Reporter’s new automobile purchases.

  9. Eric says:

    Yawn…
    Seriously. I’m not a Glazer hater, I don’t know the guy, but I don’t give a shit about his or any of the other writer’s personal lives. Lame, lame, LAME.

  10. Hearne Christopher says:

    Cheer up, Wild Man. Everything’s gonna be OK. Honest

  11. Rod says:

    Cool Car, Interesting Guy, Glazer
    Hearne, I’m sure you meant well in writing this piece about a somewhat rare car coming to town with your boy driving it, Glazer. As you can see coming from other men who have issues, likely not making the ‘Glaze’ any more popular. Hearne don’t you know its human nature to pull against those who stand out. They are always scum bags,losers,cooks,and so on, we see this with our sports figures and media people as well. Hey I aplaud the man, he wrote a great book, has a long time hit comedy club, dates pretty ladies, not easy in the KC, but he does and has for some time now. I knew his dad, Stan, when he lived at Georgetown years ago. Fun guy, some of the same things on him, always had the hot wheels and beautiful woman, for the most part, disliked. This ain’t Hollywood Glazer boys.

    As for me, I like it, nice to have some people in town who go outside the norm once in awhile. Nice wheels.

  12. kcredsox says:

    Rod = Glazer
    Am I the only one who thinks that Rod is actually the douche bag Glazer himself?

  13. Glazer says:

    Kcredsox/Harley/JoJo All The Same Guy
    kcredsox guy, Harely guy,JoJo guy, why don’t you all find something meaningful to do with yourselves besides be jealous of me. As I have said before, you are welcome to come to Stanfords for free, see any show and meet me. I will be happy to answer any questions you might have. It’s funny I don’t sit around and think of what names to call you people. I don’t know you or care what you think. See if Glazer was Dare or someone like that, your comments would be the same, wouldn’t they. It doesn’t matter what I write or say your comments are the same cause you feel less than. Thats on you not me. So continue to write the same things over and over and over and over and over. In the meantime I got to get back to my life, trying to accomplish some stuff here and there. You all take care now, maybe you can find a little dog to kick somewhere, one that won’t bite back. BESIDES YOU ONLY ADD TO MY LEGEND, THANKS.

  14. Pissed Off says:

    Man You Pissed Off The Glazer
    Boy Glazer gets a car and the haters go wack a dilly. Poor guy. Craig, remember thick skin is needed here. When you climb out of the fish bowl, you get jumped on, nothing new. Accept it Glaze. You are a riot, I don’t hate you.

  15. Bad Ass Jew, Berkowitz says:

    Bad Ass Jew,Ron
    Hey Craig, its Ron Berkowitz. Its been too many years. I was in your Hebrew School class in the 70’s or so, we were in the same carpool. Your Mom and mine and Mrs. Lieberman and Mrs. Morris. I hear you on the radio all the time. I was even present when you and the Rabbi got into it back then. I didn’t know you got in trouble and kicked out for all that, I learned about it on Johnny Dare’s show.Sorry I haven’t come to your comedy club in Legends, but I am married, kids, up early the whole nine yards, so don’t get out too much. Just wanted to remind you when you play the heavy, you get this kind of response so like that other guy said, it comes with the job. Car looks very interesting. I know Hearne from high school days. Be good and I will come out some night, my wife wants to see Jim Jeffries.

  16. Westport Lover says:

    Tony is A Bigger Jerk Than You Glazer
    To some its close, but for me, Tony B is a bigger jack off than you Glazer. So there, someone we hate more.

  17. Troy says:

    This Car is Over Rated, Like Hearne
    Hearne, the Lotus is over rated. A Vette will smash it up, get with it Hearne. Foriegn cars suck.

  18. Maureen says:

    I Want A Ride Craig
    Its your old girlfriend Maureen. Long time no see. Cool ride, give me one when you get it. I still love you, well, like you. See ya soon.

  19. Maureen says:

    Dick Size
    By the way, I f’d the man, he is a naughty lover and his dick is good sized, sorry haters to break the news to you. Craig didn’t need an expensive car to get this hot blonde. Maybe you will now Craig.

  20. Black Barbie says:

    You a Blonde HO Girl
    You got no respect for yourself Maureen. Saying that kinda stuff on public lines. Shame on you ho.

  21. Eric says:

    Peace
    I can’t even read this site anymore. This isn’t a news blog, it’s fucking facebook! I’m out.

  22. chuck says:

    Congrats.
    Be careful, and steer clear of the intersection of Highways 41 and 46.

  23. live by the comment says:

    payday
    Well hearne if you get paid by the comments, you made your money today.

  24. S. Lauren says:

    Racy Car means confirmed small dick
    From one who knows, this is confirmation that Craig has one of the smallest dicks in Kansas City! Why else would he need a car like this? He can have a fancy car, a gravel voice, drugs galore, but no woman wants a small dick! Sorry Craig, move on like I told you before! HAHAHA You didn’t think I would tell!!

  25. Maureen says:

    S. Lauren, can’t read I guess?
    Hey dumb bitch, I just wrote before you did that I dated this guy and f’d him. He has NO dick problem stupid liar bitch. Who are you? Are you implying you went out with Glazer? Doubt it. I did and I already spoke couch bitch. Black Barbie, hey I don’t hate on you, so get off my crotch! I am not a whore, I am a decent girl, like you think you are. At least I was never a stripper like you Barbie. So f off.

  26. harley says:

    YEEHA….CATFIGHT….THIN SKIN……..
    lets take maureen…black barbie…s lauren and put them in a big pool of chocolate pudding (black
    barbie will enjoy that)…and lets see them battle each other….do it at jardines or standfords…
    money goes to charity,
    AS far as glazer…you put yourself out in public with a condescedning attitude…and an ego thats
    huge. So expect to be taken to task. Your writing is horrible from a journailstic sense and from
    just fact check. so when you put yourself out there…you better toughen up because some people
    don’t like you. Kind of like rush limbaugh or glen back. So back off…because as a “public
    figure” people are going to take shots at you and your past and you better be ready to take it.
    You’re just nota liked person out here.
    But i like you. i’VE Defended you….congratulated you…i’ve said you’re one guy who’s been knocked
    down in life and always gotten up. you’ve been succssful in biz but you’ve also had some losers just
    like any other businessman. But when you write articles that are wrong you will be hounded for your
    mistakes. When you have articles written like this about your car…expect blowback…..
    Succeesful people don’t have to blow their own horns. They don’t have to brag about what they
    have. Successful people don’t have to be overt with their money…many don’t even like the
    attention that comes with being wealthy…and really succesful people don’t need to brag…most
    don’t….they let deeds speak for themselves and downplay their own successes.
    So if you can’t take the heat…get out of the kitcen.
    I have more money…a bigger house….more 401 k money….more investment properties…make
    more money than you…..but i never need to tell people about it. I argue with common sense and have
    some fun with this little website. I present facts to everything i say…unless i’m satirizing. Read my
    comment on tracy thomas’s post…nothing negative…just expressing some fact checking and
    letting people know the truth…..
    Don Rickles harasses people and they take it in fun….you need to do the same thing…if you want to be
    in the public eye…you need to be thick skinned and take everything with a grain of salt and let it
    roll over you..
    One guy on this site said you stole his girlfriend in the 90’s…i defended you. You have some great
    talents no doubt…but use them for great things. when you die and they lay you in the ground noones
    gonna care how much money you made…or how many hotties you screwed…or whether you
    drive a nova or a $60,000 car….i’m telling you…you’ve got big time talent…use it the right way!

  27. Kerouac says:

    Speaking of the true love of a man’s life
    – his car(s) – why would a relative relic like CG want to drive a modern piece automotive caca? I say ‘old’ re: the driver because he has been described as said and based on his pictures presented KCC, he looks the part. I say modern caca because while anyone can build a car today or could yester that will go/went faster than anything else on the road, the edge goes to styling which the past has in spades and the here & now has no clue in regards to.

    Which is to say, when my personal fleet of cars (born 1967 to 1970) take to the boulevard, eyes are fixated on mine, rather the current lot cookie cutters designed by rank amateurs comparison yesteryears true automotive ‘stylists’. I do not embrace nor encourage said attention – in fact flee from it if left my own device, but it is of note that when the owner a 2010 Dodge Challenger finds himself/herself in the unfortunate place/predicament being next to mine ’70 Challenger same, they are rice-burner to mine Art Arfons, and chip foose to my Harley Earl.

    While Kerouac was US/Canadian & Cioran French/Romanian, their poetic license rode as mine, confido: fideli certa merces… never mess with an American Classic.

  28. Cathy says:

    Glazer, Big Fish, Small Pond
    I worked at Stanfords in Westport for six years, so much fun. Stan and Jeff were hilarious. I think you lived in LA at that time Craig, met you a few times towards the end of my run in 1990. You just have to come to terms, as Harley points out, that you are a flashy Cat in a big but little city. Big in numbers, but we don’t have the flash. I can’t think of many local celebrities who had the press you have on being so damn wild, I mean that in a good way. Your father, who hit on me all the time, was a character, but not as notorious as you Craig. By the way I see you around and have seen photos of you recently, don’t let these comments get to you, My God you look fantastic, not much older looking then when I met you in the 90’s. So let it go, just be you. Your dad was a car nut too, he had like a super fast Porche I think, black. Haven’t been to new club will come soon. How’s Jeff? Does Jack work there too? What became of Larry Nichols the manager at Stanfords in Westport? John Coons? Boy time flys. You are a hoot. Take care.

  29. Black Barbie says:

    Screw All You White Haters
    Maureen hope I run into you somewhere. No mister Harley person I don’t want to get naked in chocolate stuff. Craig I told you not to mention me on Johnny Dare. My boyfriend said you guys put me down again. Please stop doing that. Car looks fun, but you already got a tough car. Save your money and give it to me. I like you either way if you stop talkin on me on the radio. I have a son you know.

  30. Robertoe says:

    Controversy is good
    The Glazer columns are the best thing going on this site. He knew this would ruffle feathers! 🙂

    Harley: “I have more money…a bigger house….more 401 k money….more investment properties…make
    more money than you…..but i never need to tell people about it.”

    smirk

  31. Maureen = Glazer says:

    Maureen = Glazer
    what a douchetard. pretending to be a chick so that he can lie about his small unit

  32. Rainbow Man says:

    kc confidential karma is back
    Well, now the cast of characters includes “Bad Ass Jew Ron Berkowitz.”

    You just can’t make this stuff up.

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