It’s 1971and I’m in seventh grade.
One day after school I find myself hanging out in a longhaired schoolmate’s suburban St. Louis garage. His two-day-old band is grinding its gears trying to sound like Black Sabbath and he wants to be Ozzy Osbourne so bad even I can taste it as he shakes his greasy blonde locks and belts out “Iron Man” with a pimply sneer that’s probably been practiced more than a few times in the bedroom mirror.
It’s good to be young, I think, because if you’re old, you’d look crazy doing this. Just like the 62-year-old Osbourne, the eternally nutty rock god and reality TV icon, will no doubt look on Saturday at Sprint Center.
But he does it so well.
I’ve caught the Prince of Darkness’s act a couple of times over the years and the more it changes the more it stays devilishly the same: His Ozziness relentlessly pacing the stage delivering massive doses of nasal napalm set to three-chord cataclysms and giving his minions specific f-word-laced instructions to totally lose their minds.
“Go crazy! Go crazy! Go crazy!” Ozzy shouts over and over and over.
And they go crazy. Sure, because he said to do it. But mostly because they’re already crazy for him, for the metallic yet shrewdly melodic music, for the sake of feeling young and dangerous and free from grown-up responsibilities even if that was a ridiculously long time ago.
Hey, be cynical if you want. Goodness knows I can be. But Osbourne puts on a solid show and there’s no reason to think that his “Scream Tour 2011” won’t offer the same thrill as always – and I’m not just talking about when he starts wandering around without a shirt, which you know he will. Bless the talented old coot.
Guitar-slinger Slash of Guns N’ Roses fame opens the sonic mayhem at 7:30 p.m. Tickets cost $28.50, $44 and $74. (sprintcenter.com)
If you’re looking for fun that doesn’t verge on satanic ritual or include the risk of hearing loss, there’s the Kansas City Royals Fanfest offering Royals player appearances, interactive games, stage entertainment and lots of blind faith that things will get better for the beleaguered boys in blue this coming baseball season.
Even if you can’t possibly imagine that actually happening, get a hotdog and try to go with it from 1 to 9 p.m. today and 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday at the Overland Park Convention Center, 6000 College Blvd. Admission is $14 for adults and $8 for ages 6 to 17, with two-day discounts available. (royals.com/fanfest)
What’s former “Saturday Night Live” star Amy Poehler really like? Stand-up comic Chelsea Peretti might have an idea, since she writes for Poehler’s NBC sitcom “Parks and Recreation.”
Maybe you can corner Peretti and ask her (in a nice un-stalker-like way) before or after (preferably not during) her shows this weekend at the Kansas City Improv at Zona Rosa, 7260 N.W. 87th in Kansas City North.
While you’re at it, see if she can tell you how “Parks and Recreation” earns so many laughs even as it shamelessly mimics the fake documentary style popularized and perfected by “The Office.” Might it be the excellent writing?
Don’t worry about sticking your nose into Peretti’s business, because she’s got a pretty big proboscis herself. In fact, she likes to talk about her schnoz in her stand-up, along with how much she hates people who callously bring it to her attention. OK, so be careful.
Peretti, who also wrote for “The Sarah Silverman Program” – gee, I wonder what she’s really like? – performs at 7:30 p.m. today, 7 and 9:45 p.m. Saturday and 7 p.m. Sunday. Cover is $16, $18. (improvkc.com)
Hear me go on about all of this and other stuff that you just might want to go and do when I visit with my pal Steve Kraske at 11:48 a.m. today on “Up to Date” on KCUR-FM (89.3).