There are just so many really damn good reasons to dislike or hate me, so let’s just get right to it…
Craig Glazer is arrogant. He’s an egomaniac. He needs to get over himself.
I date girls way too young for me – like in their 20s – what a jerk. I drive not one, but two Porsches – major asshole for that. I’m on like every radio show in town that matters, giving my thoughts on everything from sports to how to fix this city. Face it, I’m a know-it all jerk-off that thinks because I’ve lived so much of life and got a book written about myself, that I’m the last word on everything.
A big-mouth moron.
Boy, I’m even starting to hate myself.
Oh yeah, I’m in my 50s, for chrissakes. And get this, I work out like five or six days a week, maintain a year round tan somehow (and am likely one of those fake bake fags). I do some crap to my hair,must not be real; must be a weave. I’m a joke. Yeah, I actually try to look and stay YOUNG. Hell, none of us do that at this age.
After all, at my age do I really need all those girlfriends?
And do they need to be that young? Come on now, one is enough for anyone. Oh get this, I produce sports films, like anybody gives a crap. Anyone can do that. Big deal. I’ve been on all those national radio and TV shows. There was even that dumb two-part special on me, on, oh yeah ,Entertainment Tonight. Big wow. Nobody watches that stupid show anyways.
And this is rich; I hosted this local loser TV show a couple years ago called YOUR BIG BREAK. Guess I thought I was Simon!
Yeah, I brought my comics on the show with me, even Hearne once. What a jack bat. I must think I’m funny. Hell, nobody else does. Don’t know why Johnny Dare has me on so much, must be a fake laugh track or something.
And my favorite, I’m a fool who wants his life made into a major film that talked Clint Eastwood and Michael Eisner into even paying me for the rights to make the movie. What do those guys know about movies anyway?
I could go on… and on.
Guess even I must have a few friends. Not sure why they like me. I probably pay them to hang out with me. Yeah, I probably pay all those young girls, too. I mean how else could I get them?
Besides, they’re all strippers and hookers, the kind of girls anyone can have.
I mean easy hits. Most guys could just walk right up to them and BANG, take them down.
I think I’m cool. Boy, am I ever living in a dream world. I dress like I’m 25 or so, come on man, who am I kidding? The fact that I won’t give up on being the center of attention in my own world is the most disturbing thing of all. I JUST DON’T WANT TO STOP. Now I even write on this website. Next thing you know, I’ll want my own reality TV show. Yeah, about me and my weird family. Who do I think I am? People quit doing that crap years ago, grow up, stop it already it’s god damn embarrassing. I just hate the shit outta myself.
So my dad ran for mayor a couple times. He lost. He’s a bigger asshole than I am.
NOW WHY LIKE CRAIG GLAZER: NOT MUCH OF A REACH, SINCE I AM CRAIG GLAZER.
Uh, for starters I have a dog and a cat. My dog’s name is Junior and my cat’s name is Monkey. Junior is a miniature dachshund. I love my pets. Of course they are the only ones who would live with me.
Oh and I’m giving to my friends – likely buying them off as well. And I love my brothers and nephews.
That’s about it. Hey if I moved away or even died, wouldn’t that be cool?
So happy New Year’s Haters & Friends; we’re all gonna end up in the same place anyways, right?
I’m talking about LAS VEGAS! You thought I meant…
Oh yeah, Glazer doesn’t believe in God either. Man is he stupid.