Glazer: Kansas City – City of Losers – Face It We Suck

Move over Topeka…

The real reason we don’t have college or professional sports programs of note – meaning ones that win or get into championships – we live in Kansas City.

We’ve been a small to medium market city for more than half a century. We’re not considered a glamour town. What many of you guys don’t know or won’t face is that we have no real national image.


What are we? A jazz town? Please, that’s New Orleans. A cow town? We no longer have a big cattle base. Oh yeah, a barbecue town. Again, PLEASE!

What we are not known for are championship teams.

The Royals and Chiefs have not been near a title in half a lifetime or an entire lifetime. That’s too long. We don’t attract the best talent because our pay is generally a bit lower and the town boasts little excitement for young men looking for love and bright lights. Most importantly we have no national media in KC. None!
We have had a couple of national stars in 60 years for chrissakes. That’s it!

The only household name of merit – and he is now older, and fading due to time – is LEN DAWSON. Hall of Famer and a 20 year on-air star of NBC Sports and HBO. Len is the man to this day. Next would be Tony Gonzalez, who likely will win his first play-off game with Atlanta, not the Chiefs.

Tony has had a fair amount of national attention. Oprah, a brief reality show, TV commercials and he’s always talked up on network TV as the all-time best tight end in pro football. He’s handsome and has had only a couple legal scrapes, one with a couple of strippers covered up by the local press and a slight rumor about his sexual preference – very slight.

Then there’s George Brett, a Hall of Famer but again getting older. And George was not controversial. Oh yeah, the pine tar incident, that’s one. That’s it! Yes he had the crazy interview a year ago but that didn’t make the national press. Why? He wasn’t well known enough, that’s why! Had he been Roger Clemens it would have been all over the national media.
I love Kansas City and feel it is a fun town. I can also vouch for its beautiful women and nightlife.

God knows we have and have had both.

While living in LA for nearly two decades it seemed like half the pretty girls I met there were from this area. And they were all trying to be stars. Many KC and small town folks have done just that. From Paul Rudd to Debra Winger, all from this general area. Sadly most never return.
Marcus Allen could have owned this town.

He was our best offensive player since Dawson and Otis Taylor. No argument on that. And yes, that includes Gonzalez. Allen won games, Tony did not. Allen won big games for us and for the LA Raiders. But the Super Bowl MVP has long since disappeared from Kansas City. Not sure why CBS dumped him; it’s hard to find a sharper black guy and he speaks well, better then most every other black reporter who covers football. That’s not PC, but it’s true. Allen must have pissed someone off.

Yes I know KU has a great basketball program – the only legit program the KC area has. And MU is just an also ran, again, headed for the Schmuck Bowl.

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9 Responses to Glazer: Kansas City – City of Losers – Face It We Suck

  1. Rainbow Man says:

    Craig… Where art thou
    I know you are worldly and of acclaim.. But I do some business in LA and in the Bay Area, and they love us. I serve my clients out there better than their local resources and they love us. They recognize our hard work ethic, smarts, and ideals.
    But I will say this… we lost our swagger… and it is evident. We need more grit. We are getting JOCO sterilized.
    We are so focused on "the children" that we do not make anything interesting anymore. Union Station is a prime example. We should have gritted up the mafia shot up hallowed site that it is and opened more bars in there. But no…. we want dog parks and soccer fields. Science Pity.

  2. harley says:

    stick to strippers and hos!
    Again, when you get out of your subject you show us that you are nothing
    but a "slimmed" down tony.
    You don’t like it here…pack your bags. You won’t be missed. Your
    contributions have been limited to a bar area that after you left is making
    a nice comeback despite increased competition and a down economy.
    Okay, they shut down your titty bars . No where to hustle the whores and
    single moms who suck d*ck in the vip rooms. If those are your type of
    women…too bad. I could care less that they are closed down. I find
    my girlfriend gives me all the things i need…and she’s not a bar whore
    or stripper.
    Kc may not win another baseball or football game but this is really one of
    the last great cities in america.
    Great cities in america havent won titles or had champions. Til last year
    New Orleans had nothing. We have no national media…really who needs
    it. What does that bring you? Sports doesn’t make a city. How beautiful the women are doesn’t make the city. Whether you can get a hooker doesn’t make a city. You can find them here.I’ve found all the entertainment/restaurants/great times in kc to be adequate for my lifestyle.
    Instead of hanging at bazookas or cigar box…try a fund raiser. Try maybe
    some upscale events that are sponsored by upscale women’s organizations.
    That’s where you find classy females. Not at some strip joint or cigar box
    bar. What do you and tony need to make you feel adequate in this town.
    I’m so sick of naysayers and negativity about this city I want to scream.
    I’ve had opportunities to move to other cities. Never left. Had friends who
    left for LA/Phoenix/florida/chicago…and you know what? In the end they
    want to come back and they end up realizing this is one great city
    to be in.
    Royals games a blast. Love the new chiefs. Travel to columbia
    for football. We’re surrounded by the best college basketball in the
    country (see three teams in top 12 preseason rankings).
    Plenty of concerts and soon to open kauffman center (the top in the
    Great/honest/helping people (per capita one of the highest fund raising
    cities in the nation)…beautiful parks….enough restaurants to fill
    me up and enjoy when going out. Some great theatres (even the smaller
    ones). No traffic jams. A great convenient airport. Clean streets
    You and tony need to move. The bright lights beckon you to another
    town. Pack up. This city will survive.
    Why do these people stay here after their careers. Ask them. Because
    we live in a great city.
    We’ll never be a glamour town. BFD. We’re a small city in America with
    some great advantages to behold.
    And yes sometimes it seems a little slow and backward. But that’s what makes it so special.
    I was born here. Grew up here. Have more family and friends than a man
    could ask for. And like 1.5 million other people love this town.
    With all its "negatives" it’s still a great great city!

  3. chuck says:

    OK Glazer-this is an excellent article
    Tony G is setting off your GAYDAR?—————Wow, funny shit.——–Let Greg do the sports.

  4. kkrash says:

    Biotech in the Midwest
    Did you know that our region is one of the largest research centers in the world. One of the problems we have in this country is we think the world revolves around football and well, there is life outside of football and sports.

    I think sports are wonderful and important for the economy, but maybe we should focus on science, math and people that are intelligent. As a country I bet we can beat the world in football, but they are beating us in math and science.

    Let’s broaden our focus on what is great.

  5. harley says:

    kkrash you are right
    Glazer probably thought the Stowers Institute was a rehab center.
    Or that Biomed center was a place to hunt for hot slutty chicks.
    Or that KUMC was another new bar on grand.
    Or that the KPAC was a new titty bar.
    You’re right. We have such great things in this town that never get
    attention and that we take for granted. Lets accent our positives
    whether its entertainment/research/initiates etc. instead of follwoing
    glazers example of what makes a city great.
    Having no big name coke heads or worn out ex pro players or having a
    lack of titty bars and whore doesn’t ruin our image or our city.
    Who cares about glamour. We’ve seen how that

  6. Rainbow Man says:

    Next Iron Chef
    Celina Tio is in the Semi Finals for The Next Iron Chef… Where is the coverage…

  7. JimmyD says:

    Name change…
    harley, you’re fooling nobody

  8. JimmyD says:

    Hey Glazer
    didn’t you write this same column a few weeks ago?

  9. RickM says:

    What do you mean no national image?
    KC had the distinction of being blown to bits in a nuclear blast in 1983. It was quite the national buzz at least for a little while.

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