Maria: An Open Letter to Hawk Whores, $$$ Night Debacle

Dear Baby Hawk-Goers,

In my brief 19 years I’ve seen enough inequity to spawn a lifetime’s worth of juicy discussion, but this is just ridiculous. I know I made a crap decision to live in the heart of the underage bar scene, so it’s not your fault that I’m always available to witness the hot messes you are. Though, what absolutely nauseates me is the downright shameful behavior displayed every Wednesday night within the five labyrinthine rooms of the most famous dive bar in Lawrence.

I’m talking about Dollar Night at The Hawk.

Of course, you have to tackle the lines first. These sloppy queues are as infamous as The Hawk itself, playing home to a parade of tenderfooted drinkers. 94% of you have a questionable form of identification, and those who don’t are too old to be there. Oh, and 89% of you are already blacked out. That’s fine. I’ve been among these statistics. What’s not fine is getting openly finger-banged, photographed, then voted out of your sorority like some nobody contestant on Survivor. Now your reputation is forever shit because you’ll always be known as that-girl-who-got-fingered-in-line-at-Dollar-Night. Is this really worth having some fingers shoved up your cooch? Absolutely not.

And why must you get soooo sloppy?!

It’s tragic. It really is. Especially when you scantily-clad ladies stumble out to the street in the middle of December and lie spread-eagle on the pavement. I remember one night I heard a Hawk employee tell his friend

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19 Responses to Maria: An Open Letter to Hawk Whores, $$$ Night Debacle

  1. Anonymous says:

    Robertoe
    Here’s whats not readily apparent but rapidly learned in college. Like any other drug, alcohol is a friend with some of us and an ugly foe to others. Drunks come in all demeanors and some of us shouldn’t and can’t imbibe. But thats why you are engaging in an institution of ‘higher’ learning.
    You are a nice addition here at KCC. Welcome!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Monkeyhawk
    The Hawk has always been KU’s epicenter of debauchery. It’s as much of an institution as those two little outhouses atop Frazier Hall. The architects who built Strong Hall backwards spent the night before at the Hawk.

    I think Maria’s on to something. But we’ve seen it all before.

    And we see today’s passing train every day here —

    http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

  3. Anonymous says:

    Rainbow Man
    I am now officially old.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Huh?
    Maybe what we are seeing is the result of young girls growing up with Btritteny Spears and Paris Hilton as role models. I am not judging, or slmamming, I am just observing….

    10 years ago these girls were 8 years old and they grew up watching a young Britney, then as they grew older Britnney’s example was…. well…. what it was… and then Britney went full on whore….e.g. the classic “no panties, legs spread getting out of a car photos”.

    Is it good? is it bad? I will leave that to Maria to decide…. but for sure….. it not a mega surprise that college girls are behaving like this.

    This generation of girls was raised while “Girls gone Wild” was rampant. They were rasied in a society where access to internet porn is easy as access to to running water and electricity. We have Howard Stern and lesbian sex on the Tv and Katy Perry kissing girls and liking it….. not to mentuio nthe over alll OVERsexed messages in our society…

    I am not blaming or making excuses.. Iam juts saying …what do we expect? I know not all girls are like this… or that Britney is to blame….. I am just observing…… It is some satounding to see the massive amount of free homemade porn which is posted everyday on the internet everyday. Do I watch some of it?… sure I do… are the girls hot? sure they are…… Is it bad…. I dont know… I guwess we will see where it all winds up… hopefully we will not find thses girls turn into young sluts with their legs spread, no pantieson, getting finger banged in college bars ….. how far can it go from here? who knows?

  5. Anonymous says:

    smartman
    Nail on the head with the fake ID problem. The bar owners in Lawrence, the University, the Lawrence PD all turn a blind eye to this problem. That’s your story….look into that sinister triumvirate relationship.

    Several years ago when my kids were at KU, Brian McRae, aka BMAC routinely handed out “wristbands” to underage “girls”,to drink at THE HAWK what a fucking perv this guy was/is.

    Nobody goes to KU for an education, you go to drink. My kids learned dreck at KU. They would have learned more watching Jeopardy and Cash Cab for 4 years.

    KU is nothing more than an extension of Johnson County, where if bad parenting were criminal half the parents would be on DEATH ROW and the other half would be doing 20 to life.

    One hiring manager at a HUGE metro area employer told me they won’t even condider KU grads anymore since they find them, “generally”, unprepared emotionally and intellectually to function in the world as WE know it.

    FUCKU

  6. Anonymous says:

    Huh?
    so what happened to to your stupid fkn retardfed KU grad kids dumbman? are they dead now?

  7. Anonymous says:

    Greatwert
    Interesting article. Who knew that ONE comment could bring that many new visitors to your site. That is amazing! I try and leave comments on blogs that I read frequently, but clearly I am not posting enough comments. After reading this I am going to make certain to post comments often.

  8. Anonymous says:

    %
    Like I said in the last Maria post, if you don’t like it, just don’t go?

    Why are people always going around with their smug sense of superiority thinking that others can’t live their lives the way they want to?

    If you think it’s undignified to get plastered and drunk and to allow yourself to get fingerblasted by so many 24-year-old men in public, then that’s fine. I probably agree with you.

    But one person’s lack of dignity is another person’s idea of a good time.

  9. Anonymous says:

    newbaum turk
    Hey Smartman, I have some ocean-front property to sell you. You are pretty damn naive. There are fake ID’s and drunk kids at every university in America. The HR person you mentioned is either lying of fictional. If your statement about your own kids is true (I doubt it), then you wasted a hell of a lot of money and your kids should immediately quit their jobs because they are obviously unqualified to hold a job. I went to Pitt State where high school kids would drink in bars with their letter jackets on with “92” stitched on their jacket when it was 1990.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Harry Balczak
    @Huh..you could have saved a lot of keystrokes and bandwith if you had just posted “Get off my lawn.”

  11. Anonymous says:

    MrOlathe
    Wow! Why was this article even posted? Drunk college kids at a college bar? Shocker!and Smartypants, that’s kinda bush league to call out a guy who can’t defend himself.

  12. Anonymous says:

    smartman
    My KU kids aren’t doing as well as you would expect. They both have jobs they could have gotten right out of high school, kinda like most of their other friends that didn’t go to work for mommy or daddy.

    The Human Resources manager is REAL. No need to make that shit up. Nobody is fighting to add KU grads with a four year degree to their payrolls. KU grads are like fake titties. Once you come into contact with them, you know.

    Yeah, fake identification is rampant. Even terrorists get US passports. I spent plenty of time in my younger days working as a bouncer and carding people. If you want to do your job well you can nail 90% of them.

    The bar owners in Lawrence, the Police and KU administration have no interest in breaking balls on underage drinking.

    I’ll bet five grand that if you turn me and a couple of my buddies loose in Lawrence on a busy weekend night we could find at least 200 fakes. You don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Dexter Morgan
    And this week’s winner of the Too Much Information Can Make You Look Bad Award is…smartman

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  15. Anonymous says:

    CMac
    barrel nights were great fun back in the early 80’s. i got blown right out front one fine evening by a most drunken coed. nice to see things haven’t changed at that great bar!

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