In my brief 19 years I’ve seen enough inequity to spawn a lifetime’s worth of juicy discussion, but this is just ridiculous. I know I made a crap decision to live in the heart of the underage bar scene, so it’s not your fault that I’m always available to witness the hot messes you are. Though, what absolutely nauseates me is the downright shameful behavior displayed every Wednesday night within the five labyrinthine rooms of the most famous dive bar in Lawrence.
I’m talking about Dollar Night at The Hawk.
Of course, you have to tackle the lines first. These sloppy queues are as infamous as The Hawk itself, playing home to a parade of tenderfooted drinkers. 94% of you have a questionable form of identification, and those who don’t are too old to be there. Oh, and 89% of you are already blacked out. That’s fine. I’ve been among these statistics. What’s not fine is getting openly finger-banged, photographed, then voted out of your sorority like some nobody contestant on Survivor. Now your reputation is forever shit because you’ll always be known as that-girl-who-got-fingered-in-line-at-Dollar-Night. Is this really worth having some fingers shoved up your cooch? Absolutely not.
And why must you get soooo sloppy?!
It’s tragic. It really is. Especially when you scantily-clad ladies stumble out to the street in the middle of December and lie spread-eagle on the pavement. I remember one night I heard a Hawk employee tell his friend