It’s worth noting that The Kansas City Marathon took place this weekend.
Our cowtown version of a marathon is a minor event that doesn’t even rank on most competitive racing schedules but locals would do well to mark the date in order to avoid getting caught up in the monster traffic jam created by local joggers. I normally sleep through the whole thing but there have been a few times that frustrated middle-managers have wasted my time in traffic while they pound city streets in search of their self-esteem.
So beware of this 3rd rate contest that’s mostly about catering to the ego of locals running away from the miserable reality of their lives.
Think I’m kidding, take a look at the sprawling race route that is sure to inconvenience nearly everyone up on Saturday morning.
My only hope is that a few local skanks are caught in traffic after doing the “walk of shame” and see far more motivated people paraded in front of them.
Otherwise, the only purpose of this Autumn distraction is to pretend that the petty goals of middle-managers mean something. Back in the day there was an illusion that completing a marathon was some sign of achievement or an indication of physical fitness. Incorrect on both counts. So many housewives, celebrities and former fatties have completed marathons that it means even less than once taboo interracial marriage (which is much more fun). Hell, I think Oprah even ran a marathon. As for the health benefits, nowadays exercise is much more precise and trendy. People are looking for a “low impact” workout that might involve picking up some strange tail. From spin class to “hot yoga” (ew) to whatever new fad is on the horizon . . . The salad days of jogging sadly passed away with Jim Fixx — A 70’s health guru who, ironically, died after jogging.
Anyhoo, the point of this missive is that the Kansas City Marathon is not only third rate but also a horrible waste of time and more than slightly annoying to everyone else. The only bright side of so much stomping through town is that I’m most likely to sleep through all of it.