Tony: Disney’s Delightful Exploration of Sexual Slavery Thrills at Starlight

For a basement dwelling blogger, the myth that holding a woman captive against her will could ultimately elicit true love is an enticing fairy tale.

Nevertheless, it’s hard to believe that people still actively encourage kids to unquestioningly consider the themes underlying Disney’s Beauty And The Beast currently playing at The Starlight through August 15th.

The story is forged from a 17th Century work so perverse and twisted that it’s obviously authored by a French woman. The current incantation is really more of a musical reenactment of the 1991 Disney movie that has ruined the dating life of most 20-something American women. Even Oprah knows that nothing is more dangerous than waiting for someone else to change.

Still, there is no arguing with the success of this ode to Old World relationship misconceptions.


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6 Responses to Tony: Disney’s Delightful Exploration of Sexual Slavery Thrills at Starlight

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yep. Me too.

    The first time I ever saw it, I thought “Symbionese Liberation Army”.

    No doubt about it. That Hawthorn guy is positively channeling Field Marshall Cinque.

    I gotta tell ya though, Elizabeth Smart, well, that to me, isn’t it obvious??? SNOW WHITE!

    Cinderella—–Aileen Wuornos, Monster! I mean its right there, ya just gotta look.

    Alice in Wonderland—Easy Rider!

    Pinocchio, of course, OJ SIMPSON!!

    Robert DeNiro and the “Deer Hunter”, no more than a whimsical new take on Bambi!!

    Mary Poppins—-“The Hand That Rocks The Cradle”. Anyone can see that!! Jesus! Pay attention, put down the popcorn, or, crack pipe.

    Finally, a respected journalist takes Disney to task for the mysogynistic, murderous intent of THE WHOLE COMPANY. FUCK DISNEY AND ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Ha! You crack me up Tony.

  3. Anonymous says:

    i rarely (read:never) agree with tony, but this one rings true. i have had a similar reaction and thoughts about the supposedly classic show the honeymooners (jackie gleason continually threatening to punch out his wife) and bobby darin’s hit single “mack the knife”, an upbeat tune set to lyrics about the exploits of a serial killer.

    i’m not “raging” as tony is over beauty and the beast and i suspect its’ impact on society is minimal if anything, but i wouldn’t mind if it faded away from the public consciousness altogether.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Amber’s Only
    I agree to a point. There are a lot of real differences between this production and the 17th Century fairy tale. The show was wonderful and my children loved it. Frankly, I don’t think they cared about the sub plot but were only interested in the music.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Mr Hand
    Is everyone on dope?
    It seems like you all are on dope.

  6. Anonymous says:


    Interesting take on a beautiful story… you seem like a very bitter person, trying to suck the joy out of a great show like this 🙁 I’m not sure if you were actually watching the show, but Belle is not being held against her will; she agrees to stay in return for the release of her father (did you happen to pay attention to Lumiere’s lines leading into Be Our Guest? The girl is not a prisoner, she is our guest…)
    And your hypothesis (which has no factual basis whatsoever) about “clueless skanks” enjoying this show only shows your own bitterness (I would use stronger words to describe you, but it’s not worth my time); I happen to know a lot of people (of both sexes and multiple ages) who truly enjoy this show.
    Try paying more attention (or stop taking reviewing gigs that are not up your alley) and good luck trying to be a happy person.

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