Tony: Last Minute Mommy’s Day Ideas For Slackers

I’m here to help despite the fact that the Internet is where good intentions usually end up as syphilitic encounters on craigslist.

So, if d-bag Internet readers are on the blogs today that means they probably forgot about the woman who is responsible for their lowly existence because she was too lazy to give a BJ. Nevertheless, there is still time to mark this occasion with something not-so-special that might leave the door open to an inheritance check or at least some free laundry.

So here are my last minute mommy’s day ideas for sons that aren’t quite as horrible as Oedipus:

1. Target is open this morning. There’s nothing like a cheap gift to prove that you sort of care.

2. Piggy back off of somebody more thoughtful – This is why God invented sisters with rich husbands.

3. Buffets – It’s hard not to fake sentimentality when Chinese food is cheap and widely available.

4. Pick a fight – Hurt feelings from way back could save the day from mind-numbing family obligations.

5. Apologize in advance – That just always seems classy to me.

Sadly, these strategies don’t really work but approaching the situation with some kind of plan is better than mistaking a mother for a girlfriend which should only happen in freaky dreams or with willing ladies who can keep their mouth shut. I hope.

Tony Botello