Hearne: Rob Schneider Preps for New Movie at Stanford’s

About funny guy Rob Schneider’s opening night run Thursday at Stanford & Sons…

Turns out the sold out show and subsequent comedy club dates across the country the Saturday Night Live alum is engaging in is a prequel to a new comedy movie, Schneider is prepping for.

No HBO specials this time around…

“I’m going to do a movie actually because HBO specials are not so special anymore,” Schneider says. “It’s a movie that will have standup (comedy) in it. It’s all standup – like Richard Pryor’s movie.”

A few outtakes from Schneider’s roadshow to hone his comedy club chops”

*** “I know I’m in my 40s because when I jerk off standing up I get winded,” he told the sold out crowd. “

*** On annoying airport security checks, “Keep it simple,” Schneider says. “If your name takes up more than one page on your passport, you’re going to have to spread your cheeks.”

*** On Arabs being conned by zealots into blowing themselves up in return for the promise of 72 virgins in the afterlife, “Somebody has to explain to these fucks the simple truth – virgins don’t know how to fuck. Virgins are virgins for a reason. Sluts are way more fun – that’s why I like the Midwest.”

*** On Tiger Woods recent woes, “Tiger cheated, whatever. His wife hit him, the police asked how many times. And he said, “Well, my wife hit me eight times but put me down for five.”

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11 Responses to Hearne: Rob Schneider Preps for New Movie at Stanford’s

  1. Anonymous says:

    Not very funny. I guess that’s why he’s on the road circuit and not on cable or network tv. Good thing he’s Adam Sandlers bukkake buddy.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Nice bukakke reference!

    I’ve heard variations on these same jokes, other than Tiger, for 5 years. Not very original. Sounds like Mencia?

    Rob Schneider should not be comparing his movie and anything he’s done to Richard Pryor. Can you call it a movie if it goes straight to dvd?

    He was brilliant in the US version of Men Behaving Badly but it still sucked compared to the original Brit comedy.

  3. Anonymous says:

    craig glazer
    I wouldn’t worry about Rob’s career, he has costarred or starred in 30 movies. They are almost all comedies. He has a new movie out June 25th called Grown Ups with Adam Sandler, Chris Rock,Kevin James and David Spade. Kinda a Big Chill story.

    I always amazed at people who throw rocks at these guys careers. It is so damn hard to get to the level of a Rob Schneider, and stay in the game more then two decades. Few people ever are in a real movie or make one. But fewer still do it over and over, and make a real living at doing so…Rob has…I am jealous, I’ve had some success in film and entertainment, but not like he has…so I respect that. He is a bright guy.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Whatever vocation one chooses the goal should be to be the BEST at it. That could be picking up trash, framing a house or being an entertainer. I’d rather be a great homebuilder than a hack comedian running retreaded one liners through the Funny Bones and Laff Shacks of America. That being said I guess somebody has to make copies.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Sold out shows???

    That doesn’t seem to match the discounted tickets Stanford’s was giving away in my email earlier today.

  6. Anonymous says:

    can we get an update on your movie…
    havent heard much but kc needs something
    to light it up….
    hve they had acting calls…maybe rob can
    play you in the movie
    the joke about the virgins ws almost idneticial
    to one heard last october in vegas..is this rob
    guy lifting jokes? sound like it.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Craig Glazer
    Hey Ungrateful Un-named Anonymous jack off, we sent out a KIND email to our club memebers like you asswipe, for a HUGE FIVE DOLLARS OFF THURS/FRIDAY LATE SHOW…took the first ten or twenty only, on friday we only took four cause the shows were nearly sold out like tonight, we could add a third show and sell it out, call 9134 400 7500 and ask about tix, moron…you try and be nice and this is what you get…sure on some shows we do add tix by doing email, every major club does it, kinda hard to sell out every show every week, but Rob did more than great…ask someone who went…or call…next time use your name, and since we suck turn in your club membership and we will never bother you again.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Prozac is your friend, Glazer. Your choice of words in your response tells us more about you than you realize. Surely you’ve heard the old adage about flies and honey vs. vinegar.

  9. Anonymous says:

    whats up with the movie…is casting starting.
    I’m looking forward to it. It might be big
    as Rocky 5 with tommy morrison.
    That was big.
    Who care about rob schnieder. Reallya second
    tier comic coming to a second tier comedy
    but info on the movie coming out would be
    great….hope things are mvoing aloong.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, what’s up with the movie? Hearne said that “CE”, who I’m assuming is Clint Eastwood was interested in the project.

  11. Anonymous says:

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    […] Hearne: Rob Schneider Does Stanford's, Preps for New Performance … […]

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