I have no sympathy for the scumbags who still cheer for The Kansas City Royals.
Year after year through most of my life they have been a team marked by nothing but failure and what seems to be false advertising. This year, marketing for the team didn’t even speak to game play but attempted to sell stadium improvements, a better menu and some carnival attractions. Everyone who knows just a bit about how the world works realized that the fix is in, especially given the tragic honor bestowed upon Zack Greinke that was really more about marketing since his victories in non-competitive games don’t really mean much and he’s currently struggling just like the rest of the bullpen.
Still, at the start of this season there were yet again clear signs that there was no improvement on the horizon.
Earlier this year a 21 year-old dude decided that he would rather leave baseball and straighten out his life than have anything to do with The Royals. That’s gotta sting. Getting paid to play baseball just might be the greatest thing ever to happen to a person but the vibe that Kansas City’s team gives off had this guy seriously contemplating life’s biggest questions and not simply enjoying America’s former pastime.
Obviously, the hot dog lawsuit was just a distraction but it does speak to the level of absurdity that rules Kansas City’s baseball franchise. Flying wieners in the eyes of fans are far more interesting than anything that has happened on the field for 10 years. That knowledge is even more devastating than learning the ingredients of the average ballpark frank.
Finally, the Royals are nothing more than a punchline given the headline which recently introduced a novelty MLB toaster. There are sports fans who gleefully endure the lean years of a sports franchise with hope that one day there will be some kind of redemption. For cities like Boston, Chicago and New Orleans this storybook love/hate relationship with a pro-sports team becomes part of a love affair with a town. Sadly, because Kansas City is the home of saccharine greetings from Hallmark and middle-class Midwestern manners; our local baseball failure is politely ignored like a fart from hot chick. In Japan this passive aggressive behavior is referred to as “Mokusatsu” and it’s part of their honor culture whereas ignoring local failure year after year in Kansas City is simply just another symptom of the malaise and mediocrity that defines this town.