I’ve compiled the most important list of activities for any real fan of St. Patrick’s Day in Kansas City.
1. Watch Eddie Delahunt play. Seriously if you don’t hear him on this Irish “Day of Days” then you might as well be celebrating in a Wal-Mart. Eddie is what St. Patrick’s Day in Kansas City is all about..
2. Wear something green that’s more clever than a nasty t-shirt. That slogan that’s ever so clever; I’ve seen it already on a hottie that’s much prettier.
3. Don’t be afraid of Black people. Trust me, the Waldo Rapist will not be at the parade.
4. Watch a white girl puke in the street. “Festival drinking” in Westport will bring back this glorious Kansas City tradition.
5. Wear a condom. Green is optional. I went to Catholic School but I’m not sure if St. Patrick is the patron saint of regrettable hookups. I do know he had something to do with snakes and some kind of lawn care secret but that’s about it. In any event, all of this drinking and fun will undoubtedly lead to bad decisions. In order to keep any mistake from being permanent. Wear a condom and don’t just count on mild liquor poisoning doing its best to stifle your libido.
I’ve done my best to warn and inform dear KCC readers. I’m getting my “authentic” Irish beer drinking hat together and making sure the straws are still in good working order. I hope to see KCC readers on Thursday.