Tony: Knows The Best Place In Kansas City To Die

While I don’t want to share too much with the d-bags who read Kansas City blogs I will reveal that I had the pleasure of recently visiting Kansas City Hospice House during this gloomy spate of gray weather. And I had the even greater pleasure of walking out of the place upright after spending only a few hours there.

While the up-to-date, trendy, super cool folks who check out KCC for all things current and entertaining in this cowtown may not want to think about the (hopefully) sweet hereafter, I have to say I was thoroughly impressed by their digs. Even though I was fortunate enough to just be visiting a friend, I must say that the accommodations are excellent.

A quick review:

First of all, the place didn’t smell like pee and that is important for anyone who has even spent any time in one of Heaven’s many area waiting rooms. I know my standards might be too low on this one but a nice fresh scent is important for visitors who know that the end of life turns us all into human crap factories. The place doesn’t seem like a hospital and actually has a bit of a home-like feel. There’s a non-denominational chapel at the center of things and the snobbier folks shuffling off this mortal coil might appreciate the high ceilings. All of the rooms are single occupancy, and I can safely say the buddy I was visiting has never resided in a nicer place.

At the very least, it’s nice to go out on a high note.

Again, I’m not really looking for sympathy on this one, given the fact I’d happily dance on the graves of most of my political adversaries and their loved ones. I just think it’s important to offer a clear picture of the accommodations for folks on their way out . . . And without going all “Sylvia Plath” it’s important for most adults to realize that we’re all on our way out. Still, even those of use who die in a hospital bed surrounded by loved ones should be at least a little bit thankful that our end scene isn’t the cold streets of this town’s Eastside. One of the few things I like about people from Kansas City is that we’re all well aware that things can always get worse.

On a final note, followers of Eastern religions might also be a tad encouraged by the layout of the establishment, given that it’s a bit circular. I almost got lost on the way out of the place and the only drawback I noted was that some of the doors seemed like those of corporate hotels wherein everything kinda looks the same.

All things considered, I rank Kansas City Hospice House as a top notch place to stay on the way to the great beyond and a nice place to visit for those of us not yet walking the plank toward eternity. It’s supported by folks throughout the area and readers with a few extra coin might want to consider a donation.
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10 Responses to Tony: Knows The Best Place In Kansas City To Die

  1. Anonymous says:

    send him away
    hearne, please get rid of this wacko, I mean who starts an article like this?

    “While I don

  2. Anonymous says:

    The guys over at WNBTv think Hearne is all for sensationalism, maybe even hiring Midtown Miscreant to write here too.

    Get used to it.

  3. Anonymous says:

    midtown miscreant
    Really, Hearne is hiring ME!!!! Well dip my balls in Milnot and squat me in a sink full of kittens! Sorry Jo Jo you heard wrong, Hearne already has one malcontent on the payroll, I doubt he is looking for another.

  4. Anonymous says:

    James Andrews
    blah, blah, blah…I hate Kansas City…blah, blah, blah. Great article!

  5. Anonymous says:

    boycott it
    Well I guess if the idea is sensationalism, and writing racist fucking bullshit ONLY TO GET ATTENTION, then tonya is much like a lil baby screaming its lungs out to get attention, then the only way to solve this is boycott all tonya’s blog posts, ignore it, and maybe it will go away.

    If everyone boycotts posting replys to tonya’s BS maybe then hearne will listen and dump it.

    I wont post anymore replys to his crap, and I hope no one else does eitehr….but if I am wrong, and you enjoy him making fun of death, and you enjoy tony calling YOU A DOUCHE BAG, then keep posting for him. but I hope you ignorehim, and he will go away.

    otherwise boycott this loser, and run him put of here on a rail.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Orphan of the Road
    Seems you pissed in a lot of corn flakes Tony.

    Seeing as we are all born terminal this was a recognition of one of the many hospice organizations in Kansas City who help comfort the dying and their families.

  7. Anonymous says:

    hey tony…they won’t let spics in there.
    They don’t serve mexican food and they discriminate against non white people who are
    Lucky for your friend he’s not of color cause
    if he was he’d be stuck on the 6th floor of
    truman dying.
    Your kind of people don’t get hospice care.
    God just takes them and recycles them to pick
    lettuce and repair roofs. Have you ever seen
    mexicans on a roof? It’s like a genetic things
    that they areable to run over shake shingles/
    composition and even clay roofs like skaters
    on ice.
    It was nice of the hospice to let you come in the
    front door because most of the time you people
    have to go thru the back service entrance where
    deliveries are made.
    You racists piece of sh*t…another brilliant
    piecevof writing about something so important to all us.
    good luck your filthy a$$hole>

  8. Anonymous says:

    Spare Us
    The shtick is tired and predictable. The writing is adolescent, and the thoughts behind the writing are those of a nine year old boy. Worse, he doesn’t appear capable of expressing an original thought. What, exactly does he contribute in this forum? If you

  9. Anonymous says:

    The only thing entertaining about Tony is the people he incites. The boycott idea is classic and I’m very sure Tony would approve.

  10. Anonymous says:

    People love to hate Tony. That’s his appeal.

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