Tony: Kansas City Should Abandon All Of Our Hopes And Dreams

Since the dawn of time man as looked to the heavens with awe and inspiration.

The highlight of the 20th century for this nation and the world was the ascendancy of the United States into space and on to the moon.

Sadly, today this cowntown was given a reminder not only that everything from this town is broken and sucks but also that we should keep our heads out of the clouds.

The Kansas City Space Pirates are a widely celebrated group of students, parents and hobbyists working on a “Space Elevator” as the next generation of off-planet endeavors. Today their efforts met with complete failure.

Here’s a bit of a recap:

Three teams are competing for $2 million in prizes in the NASA-backed Space Elevator Games that began Wednesday at the Dryden Flight Research Center on Edwards Air Force Base.

The first team, from Kansas City, Mo., had trouble keeping the laser locked on its machine, and it only made it part of the way up a cable dangling from a helicopter 4,300 feet in the air.

The world’s most accurate encyclopedia notes that “a space elevator is a proposed structure designed to transport material from a celestial body’s surface into space. Many variants have been proposed, all of which involve traveling along a fixed structure instead of using rocket powered space launch.”

It’s all very exciting stuff, but today the people of Kansas City proved that they are unequipped to tackle to future. In fact, if this town can’t even fix sewers and potholes then there’s no way we should be allowed to screw up space. Once again, the race to push forward human progress is moving at light speed – And the only thing that’s obvious is that Kansas City people shouldn’t be taking part and might want to consider quitting.

Tony Botello

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10 Responses to Tony: Kansas City Should Abandon All Of Our Hopes And Dreams

  1. Anonymous says:

    Zach Pross
    Tony, I respect the hell out of you, but I have to seriously disagree with you on this. We can all agree that Kansas City is a wreck, but we shouldn’t take away from people that are trying to do great things. Yeah, they aren’t fixing KC, but most people aren’t. I highly disagree that they should just quit at anything else they try to accomplish. Regardless, thanks for the great work that you do.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Or maybe it’s a stupid idea and we’re way ahead of everyone in figuring that out.

  3. Anonymous says:

    rick as Craig Glazer
    Tony I love this picture. Do you have her number? Keep up the good work with the pictures. They are veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pretty…. I love this site.

  4. Anonymous says:

    how a bout taking that jet pack and having
    mayor funkyman jam it up your spic ass!

  5. Anonymous says:

    what? nothing about the racial make-up of the team?

  6. Anonymous says:

    Those are big ass batteries. I’d love to see the vibrator. Kansas City can’t tackle problems. The Chiefs can’t tackle anybody. Seems to me like everything is in sync.

    We do have more Mexican restaurants in KC per capita than any other city on the planet. Let’s focus on the positive.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Dino as Craig Glazer
    Hey….what about me? Nothing about me?

  8. Anonymous says:

    James Andrews
    blah, blah blah…I hate Kansas City, but I still live here…blah,blah,blah. Get the fuck out if you hate it here dumbass!

  9. Anonymous says:

    craig glazer
    Tony your photos drive me crazy, you are the “King of Great Chick Photos”….

  10. Anonymous says:

    well I THOUGHT he was turning over a new leaf.

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