Tony: Top 5 Things the Midwest and KC Metro Don’t Know

I’m busier than I thought I would be today so all of the d-bags reading Hearne’s site will only be able to enjoy a quarter of the half-assed effort I put into my posts on this blog. Then again, so many metro MILFs and younger hotties resembling pop singer and professional dunce Jessica Simpson would be much better off with only a quarter of the ass they currently maintain.

So, closely watching the news between video gaming sessions I’ve noticed 5 trends related to local ignorance that deserve just a bit more attention.

Check it:

1. Lew Perkins doesn’t know anything about the Internet. In what could be most uncomfortable interview conducted in Kansas since Bob Dole once worked as a pitchman for Viagra penis pills, Perkins displayed a stunning amount of ignorance about technology, the lifestyle of a sizable portion of students at The University of Kansas and basic Public Relations strategies. Put simply, Perkins blamed the Internet, Facebook and hip-hop for every problem in Lawrence, as if he was a housewife visiting the Oprah set.

2. The Star is smacked in the face by the Washington Post for their ignorance of all subjects related to State-Wide Missouri politics.The best State-based Political Reporters according to the Wash Po are St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s Tony Messenger, Springfield News-Leader’s Chad Livengood, KY3′s David Catanese, St. Louis Beacon’s Jo Mannies. Representatives from Kansas City’s “paper of record” are nowhere to be found and maybe it’s because they’re too busy biting their fingernails about losing their jobs in order to make a few calls to Jeff City.

3. Obviously The Chiefs don’t know how to win, but what’s more interesting is how this town might have forgotten how horribly debilitating a quarterback controversy can be for a pro-football team. The Chiefs haven’t had a decent quarterback since Joe Montana decided to collect a few more paychecks in this cowtown and current QB Matt Cassel doesn’t look to be an exception to this rule. The only silver-lining to the Chiefs perennially losing situation is that this season looks to be such a disappointment that there just might be a chance to draft a decent quarterback at season’s end.

4. Kansas City didn’t know or care about the Islanders or NHL Hockey coming to town. This is actually a great thing because it shows this town is learning that it doesn’t pay to play the “lady in waiting” and pro-sports teams mostly want to merely use KC for leverage.

5. Kansas City must not know about or check cholesterol. I’ve always thought the local “BBQ Capital of the World” title was stupid and undeserved but the recent cross-marketing effort with Bacon Fest was even more over the top. It’s not that I’m opposed to self-destructive attitudes in the popular culture, but digging a grave with a knife and fork is just about the most boring way to go.

So, now that we’re up to speed I hope that this cowtown can harness our collective ignorance and move forward together. Like so many Obama supporters who don’t understand free market economics, rather than languishing in fear of the unknown and BBQ sausages like the Tea Party Conservatives and the other remnants of the Bush legacy.

Tony Botello

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8 Responses to Tony: Top 5 Things the Midwest and KC Metro Don’t Know

  1. Anonymous says:

    Orphan of the Road
    Well there’s good news and bad news about the Chiefs.

    Good news, only 13 more games to play.

    Bad news, there’s 13 more games to play.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hockey will never come to KC. There’s just not the market.

  3. Anonymous says:

    sprint center is making money. They don’t ne4ed
    a major sports team to make money. Thats the
    problems with most people is that they believe
    that without a hockey or basektball team sprint
    is dead. Look at the numbers.
    Of course with a sports team there they’d make
    more money but its not going to make a huge
    difference in their ballance sheet ecause
    sports team want all kinds of incentives to
    paly in an arena.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Warren Buffet
    I am amazed that people believe we now have “free market economics”. It’s only free if you can pay your special interest representative in Washington.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Sprint Center is making money now, but we’ll want a team within three years. There are only so many acts out there that can draw 10,000 plus and right now we’re getting all of them b/c the new sheen translates to high revenues per show. Springsteen, ACDC and the Eagles can only play here so many times.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Mike Bowlin
    jojo, we don’t know for a FACT that Sprint Center is making money. AEG’s books are closed. For all we know AEG could be treating their investment in the arena on a separate balance sheet than the actual day to day operation of the arena. Maybe the profits or losses on the shows are booked to AEG LIVE and the arena just takes rent and concessions. Entertainment related accounting makes what Enron did look legit. Even if it is making money it doesn’t offset the losses the city is taking at Kemper Arena. AEG has done an excellent job of booking shows at SC. I doubt they will book as many over the next two years as they have in the first two. Tim Leiweke is on record as saying, long term, without an anchor tenant, it’s a tough road to hoe. Out of the box SC appears to be a success but this is a marathon not a sprint. The P&L, despite all the raves by The STAR is a money pit. The REAL truth about downtown redevelopment won’t be known for another 8 years.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Old Man Kissel
    SC is NOT making money. The books are cooked. Without a NBA or NHL team the SC will be the biggest bust in city history. If it’s not already. Power and White is already going broke.

    The damn thing is that Kay Barnes and company told us if we build it, a team will come. Well, we built it and no one has come.

    I say by 2012 if a NHL or NBA team is not calling the SC home, one never will.

  8. Anonymous says:

    So if the Chiefs were horribly debilitated by a QB controversy, how would that look different from their normal, horribly debilitated condition?

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